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how do you think people who are expected to pay for dates feel about that expectation?"
If you know there's a potential for this expectation, why not squash it before the date happens? How someone feels about the expectation doesn't matter when they choose not to do anything about it.
Why do you think it sounds crappy?
How do you think a person who is expected to pay feels about that expectation?
Think outside of yourself and your experiences
The world of dating is constantly evolving. While etiquette is changing to reflect modern cultural norms, it is still entrenched in some of the traditional norms of the past. So, with that, I've come to accept certain "responsibilities" in order to have a more fruitful experience. If I am inviting someone out, then I succumb to the notion that, to be polite, I should pay. That said, I have some rules of thumb that I follow.
1) If it's a first date, I will offer to go somewhere affordable. Ice cream, coffee, happy hour specials, the park, free days at a museum, etc. If I don't know the person, and I don't know that we'll get along with each other, then I will not hold myself hostage to an expensive time out.
2) I gauge how the date is going. If it's just not going well, and I see absolutely no future going forward, I have no qualms about asking for separate checks.
3) After several dates, or in an established relationship, most entertainment experiences will be split 50/50. On occasion, I will offer to take them out for a romantic evening to show them that I appreciate them in my life. But, as do most people, I have a budget to manage and a financial responsibility to myself, so I would not be with someone who expected that I always cover their tab.
At the end of the day, I try not to complicate things too much. A fruitful dating experience is about enjoying the moment and not worrying so much about the small things. I've happily been with my GF for over two years now, and we mostly split the bill whenever we go out. On occasion, we will pay for one another. At this point in our relationship, we aren't really keeping tabs.
Obviously some spillover from the "Cheap and Broke Men of C-D" thread.
Just as obviously there are a lot of differing opinions on who is expected, willing, or wanted to pay for dates. That's the problem, different people have different opinions and there's not really a "right" or "wrong" answer; people are free to do as they please.
However, one thing does appear to be lacking in that discussion: people looking at the situation from any viewpoint other than their own.
A few times in that thread it has been brought up that the person who initiates the date is expected to pay for the date. It's also been brought up that people would be less likely to accept an invitation if they were expected to pay for themselves than if they were to be paid for.
So, the topic for this thread, is how do you think people who are expected to pay for dates feel about that expectation?
If a person asked someone out and was told "I'll only go if you're paying", how would the person feel?
How do people who continually pay for dates feel when it is decided, by either party, that they will not continue to date each other?
Please, don't post your opinion on who should pay, or who you would like to pay, for dates. Try to stick to the topic of the post: how do people who are expected to pay for a date feel about that expectation
NOTE: opinions expressed in this, and subsequent, posts are not necessarily the opinions of the author
OTHER NOTE: I see the "Cheap and Broke Men" thread was closed. So, try not to bring that discussion into this thread - try to stick to the topic of THIS thread which is something different and specific
I guess I don't really care how they feel. I know how I feel, and if I invite someone out, I do it with the expectation of paying. If someone doesn't like that expectation, oh well.
I never earned much, I will never earn much, the LAST thing I'm thinking about when I'm going out with a cute woman that I might get amorous with is paying or the expectation of paying. Never, ever crosses my consciousness. I literally think more about property trimming my nose hair than paying for a date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
As one closes then another ....
Right again I'll pay for the first date regardless of who asked who out as I've always done it and don't AT ALL feel put out or aggrieved to do something nice for the lady I'm out with as it's only a simple gesture mate.....I'm not exactly giving her one of my lungs or signing my life away LMAO
I'm not at all a wealthy bloke but I don't even think about the money side of things, All I'm thinking about is making a good account of myself and making sure that we both enjoy the night out and more importantly each other's company .
End of the day simple gestures go along way in my opinion and personally I believe if I were to focus and put too much emphasis on " who pays " sort of thing then it would put a dampener on the date and the evening. ( I know many people agree beforehand but it's just not for me )
Quote:
Originally Posted by Careerist
The world of dating is constantly evolving. While etiquette is changing to reflect modern cultural norms, it is still entrenched in some of the traditional norms of the past. So, with that, I've come to accept certain "responsibilities" in order to have a more fruitful experience. If I am inviting someone out, then I succumb to the notion that, to be polite, I should pay. That said, I have some rules of thumb that I follow.
1) If it's a first date, I will offer to go somewhere affordable. Ice cream, coffee, happy hour specials, the park, free days at a museum, etc. If I don't know the person, and I don't know that we'll get along with each other, then I will not hold myself hostage to an expensive time out.
2) I gauge how the date is going. If it's just not going well, and I see absolutely no future going forward, I have no qualms about asking for separate checks.
3) After several dates, or in an established relationship, most entertainment experiences will be split 50/50. On occasion, I will offer to take them out for a romantic evening to show them that I appreciate them in my life. But, as do most people, I have a budget to manage and a financial responsibility to myself, so I would not be with someone who expected that I always cover their tab.
At the end of the day, I try not to complicate things too much. A fruitful dating experience is about enjoying the moment and not worrying so much about the small things. I've happily been with my GF for over two years now, and we mostly split the bill whenever we go out. On occasion, we will pay for one another. At this point in our relationship, we aren't really keeping tabs.
Again,
I'm not asking how YOU feel. I'm asking how you think OTHERS feel.
Admittedly, this might be more difficult for men, who are, generally, the ones expected to pay.
So, maybe a more direct question: How would you feel if a woman refused to go out with you if you weren't paying?
I never earned much, I will never earn much, the LAST thing I'm thinking about when I'm going out with a cute woman that I might get amorous with is paying or the expectation of paying. Never, ever crosses my consciousness. I literally think more about property trimming my nose hair than paying for a date.
LOL. That's pretty much the case for every guy I have dated.
Good. Hopefully you read the rest of my post. I don't care about how someone else feels about " the expectation of me paying if I ask them out. ". That was the question, right? It was an odd question. I'm not sure why you think anyone would have any idea about how other people feels about their own expectations.
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