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its a family business???? then thats a whole different world
i worked with a company that had 3 owners, all brothers passed down from the father....
they got along overall very well......and one of the wives was the office girl/administrator
the family was in harmony...until..... the two other wives started to work there...different responsibilities but didnt matter to them they were all the owners wife....
things started going downhill when one of the wives started piking apart the other wives, there schedules and how many nights she worked or got off early....
then the mud was flying... the first wife which never had issues is now threatening to quit,,,the 2nd and 3rd wife are allies and poison...putting their husbands thru hell.....
the old man...called a meeting of the family outside of work,,, and said enough!!!!!!
all this conflict was never here - we all have 3 choices.... to keep going....to sell the business...or for wife 2 and 3 to get another job outside of the company..
that old man just saved the business...because no one else would clear the air
to the op,,,,,, your husband is also a boss,,,,so he says hes going to leave early to meet you ,,,,,,,,what if all the rest of them do this?? or what if he already told his crew/managers they can no longer do this...???
if this is his fathers company......whats he going to say...hey dad im taking half the day off (and they are backed up for work.....????
family dynamics throws a huge wrench into this..
you cant ask for him to leave early....but you can ask "hey can i run an errand for you"?? and maybe we can grab lunch?????? this is still productive
We really need to clarify what "early" means. I assumed she was only asking him to leave around 4 or 5 for an evening occasion. Heck, for many occasions, leaving at 6 would be plenty of time.
And yes, she should be judicious with her invitations, and limit it to important occasions. But the problem seems to go farther than him refusing to participate in evening events. He uses the work excuse even on weekends, when he's never had to work, except on two Saturdays in his entire career there.
So there's more to this than meets the eye, and there may be issues in the marriage the OP either isn't aware of, isn't facing, or isn't telling us about. He seems to be avoiding her, not just her social events.
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Unlike a girl who can leave work early just to take Megan to Gymboree, allegedly, because the nanny quit, he can't leave work; he has to make sure he fulfills his responsibilities to his job, first & foremost. Chicks may get paid a little less in some fields, but they get a lot of perks in return (in our group, with legal threats) our chick got to be full partner - working 2/5 of the time.! If he gets fired, where's he gonna find a chick that will support him?
Are you serious? "Chicks" may "get paid a little less..."? and they get "a lot of perks in return"?
What world do you live in? I sense you are an angry man and you may even have to work FOR a "chick".
OP, your husband is just using his job to hide behind when in fact he is telling you he doesn't want to spend time with you. I hope you call him on it ... or you learn to deal with it and go on about your business without him...doesn't sound like he's very interested in your feelings. Best of luck.
Are you serious? "Chicks" may "get paid a little less..."? and they get "a lot of perks in return"?
What world do you live in? I sense you are an angry man and you may even have to work FOR a "chick".
OP, your husband is just using his job to hide behind when in fact he is telling you he doesn't want to spend time with you. I hope you call him on it ... or you learn to deal with it and go on about your business without him...doesn't sound like he's very interested in your feelings. Best of luck.
Yup. He's blowing you off, OP. He's not really into you, much.
How are things in the intimacy department? My guess: not thrilling.
family dynamics in business have him conflicted on where to put his allegences.
If I had to guess why he "guilt trips you" it's becuase he doesn't feel you understand his position dealing with both family and company responsibilities. You are only focused on how his actions affect you.
This creates a circular argument and confusion between the parties
You're so focused on where your own agency lays that it becomes the argument to protect for one another instead of just dealing with the actual base issue.
The splinters don't matter, get to the source if you want to permanently attempt to remove the infection.
Have you ever attempted to have a discussion about work and family with him or otherwise tried to openly understand his position in these things?
It could clear up a lot of the confusion and lack of understanding going on for you.
You may not get the results you want, but you will get answers.
from his point of view i can see it being annoying if it is more than a once a week thing. like you asking (i'll exaggerate to make a point):
Quote:
hey, your job is not important and you do nothing all day long. drop everything you are doing rite now (put down the fone to your status conference call; stop emailing the president about the new cover letters to the t.p.s. reports; ...) and take me to see the latest madea movie rite now.
as a v.p. to a company that his father owns, he probably does have a lot of flexible time. but i guess your expectation that he butlers you around on a whim mite frustrate him ?
[/devils-advocate]
also, its a lot easier for me to take time out of work to do my own errands than for someone elses.
like i will schedule a dentist appointment when my outlook calendar is clear.
my wife wouldnt have access to my outlook calendar and would probably ask me to drop her off at the mall when i have a performance review with my delivery manager and its too late to requisition a new webex conference.
the saturday excuses is weird though.
Last edited by stanley-88888888; 01-18-2017 at 08:57 AM..
He was the manager now the VP of his small company. Whenever he wants to leave early or go to an appointment for something....he does. Whenever I ask him if he can leave early (to attend my office Holiday party, to attend a wake, a dinner or anything else) he always tells me someone is off and he has to cover them and can't leave. Sometimes he will leave early but lay a guilt trip on me saying he might not have a job now since he left early. It's just odd. I just wonder what he is trying to prove?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine
Unlike a girl who can leave work early just to take Megan to Gymboree, allegedly, because the nanny quit, he can't leave work; he has to make sure he fulfills his responsibilities to his job, first & foremost. Chicks may get paid a little less in some fields, but they get a lot of perks in return (in our group, with legal threats) our chick got to be full partner - working 2/5 of the time.! If he gets fired, where's he gonna find a chick that will support him?
Uhmm, hon? If we take the OP at her word, he (like a girl) can take off early for his own stuff...he just chooses not to do the same girly thing when his wife would like him to take off for an event.
But ya know, maybe he really DOES need to be a little more "manly" and get the cojones to stand up to his dad...and at least get a little more respect for his wife?
He was the manager now the VP of his small company. Whenever he wants to leave early or go to an appointment for something....he does. Whenever I ask him if he can leave early (to attend my office Holiday party, to attend a wake, a dinner or anything else) he always tells me someone is off and he has to cover them and can't leave. Sometimes he will leave early but lay a guilt trip on me saying he might not have a job now since he left early. It's just odd. I just wonder what he is trying to prove?
He sounds worried, and sounds like he is extremely loyal to his company, which is a good thing. Perhaps there are things he is not telling you about him that makes him nervous to leave early.
Yanno, your there to work, and leaving early once in a while, is fine, but depending on his boss or bosses, they might frown on it, if it's done too much. If I were you, I'd make things easier on him, instead of harder and not depend on him to go to these things with you, especially if you are not working, b/c he is then the breadwinner...and when your a VP, you have so much more repsonsability with that job...so, lighten up a bit, so you don't put "more" stress on him. A woman should learn to do things on her own anyway, it is not healthy to depend on a spouse for everything....b/c you never know what tomorrow brings. Don't ever place your happiness in the hands of someone else. Meaning, don't be dependent on someone else for your happiness, including children. Be independent, learn to do things on your own....
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I sense you are an angry man and you may even have to work FOR a "chick".
