Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wouldn't view it as approaching just view it as talking to girls with asking them out as part of the conversation. That's why a lot of people say to just explore your interests and eventually you'll meet girls that way, and you just ask one of them out. It's easier when they are into similar things to you that's why going to see bands at smaller venues have always been a popular idea and stuff like Meetup is popular now.
Nevertheless, I should say that I may be too conservative. I have no interest in partying, smoking or drinking. I would never do that. Soccer is not my hottest topic to follow as well. I hate rap and that kind of music to what most of my friends listen to, I rather listen to pop or alternative-rock, such as paramore. I have interest in history and politics as well, what most of my friend don't even know the slightest of - with some exceptions. These attributes certainly contribute to the fact that I am simply not suitable for most girls.....
Why are you friends with so many people you have nothing in common with? Maybe start seeking out people who are into what you're into, and some of those people will be girls who'd want to hang out with you.
I thank you lads and lasses for your help. But I'll be open here with you all. I intended to go and talk to that girl for, let's say more than one year. Can you believe it? I just told to myself, "do it later" or "next time" for one year. One bloody year. I cannot believe myself. It is not just one girls, several girls which I find cute. I would not care to be honest if all of them would reject me. They should actually. There are lots of other cute girls out in the world. I just want to be able to go and approach... god damn it, why is it such a big deal?
- So, if I would go and talk after one year, it would certainly be weird, wouldn't be it?
- Also, I lost all confidence in myself. I hesitated for so long, and now I pay the ultimate price.
I read the "just do it" everywhere. And don't get me wrong, I know that you all are right with it. I should. But it is super hard. Plus, I see nobody else doing it.
So, I shall just do it then? Just do it..... I told that to myself for one year and it never worked.... so sad.
Once more, I'd really appreciate your advice here - whatever it may be.
RoyalGeneral
Why would it be weird? She has no idea you've been pining away for a year. Presumably she's seen you around in class and in the hallways, right? Do you have any classes or other activities with her? You could strike up a conversation with her about an assignment. Or you could simply pass her in the hall and say, "Hi, _____, you look nice today!" (smile) She may think that's a little weird, but secretly, she'll be intrigued. Keep it up. Stop and chat after a couple of those hit-and-run compliments.
Are you going to university? You'll have plenty of opportunity to practice in university, as well.
Also, if the one you're interested in doesn't reciprocate that interest, it's not the end of the world. There are others. Others you never noticed, or didn't think much of, but who could surprise you with their interest in politics or history, or their quirky sense of humor. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. I know that's hard to avoid doing, but just keep in mind that it's a big world out there, or a big ocean, with many fish in it. And you're the fisherman.
Also, you have no idea if the one you're fixated on would be compatible with you. You never know what people's personalities are really like until you get to know them better. They may turn out to be not-so-nice people. So you have to broaden your concept of what's attractive. You're looking for a combination of traits, not just who's cute. Keep that in mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold;
Nothing to do but grit your teeth, put on your flame-proof suit and DO IT.
The only thing that makes it easier is practice.
I like the flame-proof suit idea. You should be unfazed if some women don't respond to you. Just keep looking for one that will.
Thank you once more for all of your posts. I really appreciate them.
Ultimately, it is about stepping out of the comfort zone. TBH, I always told to myself "You are not ready yet" or "It is not worth it."
Most of my friends think me as a good lad and asked me several times if I had a girlfriend. If I had no time to do something with them, they came and said "Sure you got a girlfriend." - simply a weird feeling to be accounted with having a girlfriend although I am quite shy here.
About online dating: I think it is not worth it. I am, how I said quite conservative and girls have the complete supremacy on dating sites. I consider myself as good-looking, but I think it is far better if I would get the courage to talk to girls IRL instead on dating sites. I am simply not into the social media, I rather oppose it. If I just could live 30 years earlier, without all this internet and media......
Also, I have friends who share my interests, but they are only at home. You simply cannot get them out.
Than, some questions to you lads and lasses, what would be a good way to meetup people with my common interest?
My hobbies (If that helps you):
- Cars
- International Politics
- PC Games
- Fitness
- Soccer (low interest, because I am a referee though)
- History (Military as well)
and, I would be willing to talk with people about anything - I always give my best.
Also, I have the feeling that when I talk to a girl we have to know each other, like from the same grade etc. Talking to a girl, with whom I've just met or just see casually, would that be even OK? Like not weird?
I just want to be able to talk to girls I like. Just to start a normal conversation I do not care about the outcome. If it is rejection, it shall be. If it is something ignorance, it shall be. Just the ability to go and talk to them about a common topic, like school, weather, etc.... The aim to get a girlfriend, shall come after that. Like I said, first the ability to actually go and talk to girls who I fancy or have a crush on......... why am I always making such a big deal of it? I'm sure it sounds absurd to you, but yeah, I struggle with it.
I can imagine myself already standing there, having myself told that I will do it, but at the end I don't because of my heart just races and I end up being too nervous.
Again, thanks for all of your posts, I'd really love to hear more from you lads and lasses!
Soccer: does your city parks authority organize sports in the parks? In some of our cities (other side of the pond from you), the city Parks Dept. sponsors weekend soccer games in various neighborhood parks. These are mixed-gender games, anyone can join. Look around to see if there's anything like that where you live.
How is politics a hobby, OP? What does that look like? Do you attend lectures? Does your school organize a Model United Nations club? What about history--how is that a hobby, besides reading about it? Are there history re-enactors in your town, people who dress in period costumes and re-enact scenes? It might be something to look into.
Consider broadening your hobbies. Try something new. History can be a bit dry. Cars--well, that's obviously not a topic that will attract any women but the rare tomboy type, if anyone at all. You need to branch out.
Thank you once more for all of your posts. I really appreciate them.
Ultimately, it is about stepping out of the comfort zone. TBH, I always told to myself "You are not ready yet" or "It is not worth it."
Most of my friends think me as a good lad and asked me several times if I had a girlfriend. If I had no time to do something with them, they came and said "Sure you got a girlfriend." - simply a weird feeling to be accounted with having a girlfriend although I am quite shy here.
About online dating: I think it is not worth it. I am, how I said quite conservative and girls have the complete supremacy on dating sites. I consider myself as good-looking, but I think it is far better if I would get the courage to talk to girls IRL instead on dating sites. I am simply not into the social media, I rather oppose it. If I just could live 30 years earlier, without all this internet and media......
Also, I have friends who share my interests, but they are only at home. You simply cannot get them out.
Than, some questions to you lads and lasses, what would be a good way to meetup people with my common interest?
My hobbies (If that helps you):
- Cars
- International Politics
- PC Games
- Fitness
- Soccer (low interest, because I am a referee though)
- History (Military as well)
and, I would be willing to talk with people about anything - I always give my best.
Also, I have the feeling that when I talk to a girl we have to know each other, like from the same grade etc. Talking to a girl, with whom I've just met or just see casually, would that be even OK? Like not weird?
I just want to be able to talk to girls I like. Just to start a normal conversation I do not care about the outcome. If it is rejection, it shall be. If it is something ignorance, it shall be. Just the ability to go and talk to them about a common topic, like school, weather, etc.... The aim to get a girlfriend, shall come after that. Like I said, first the ability to actually go and talk to girls who I fancy or have a crush on......... why am I always making such a big deal of it? I'm sure it sounds absurd to you, but yeah, I struggle with it.
I can imagine myself already standing there, having myself told that I will do it, but at the end I don't because of my heart just races and I end up being too nervous.
Again, thanks for all of your posts, I'd really love to hear more from you lads and lasses!
Excellent. You have learned at a very young age Jedi, yes spend very little time on it and put the vast majority of your efforts into RL. Just practice talking to girls and women in general even ones you don't want to ask out. Social network in RL girls have friends so the more you know, the better. Sometimes it's like finding a dream job it's all who you know.
Hoo boy, another whinefest about a poor lad that has never had a relationship, never dated, never had sex, never approached a girl.
I have a feeling this poster has been here before using different names, it all reads the same and it's getting old.
Are you in high school or college/university? How do you not "meet" people in that environment?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
