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What advice did your father give you about dating?
Sounds like it's mainly guys who need training from their family, Dad or brother, women don't get the training Because they have guys doing the work for them, with all of the attention they get from guys and all the guys approaching them they start to see a pattern over the years and start to learn how to screen and filter them out
Sounds like it's mainly guys who need training from their family, Dad or brother, women don't get the training Because they have guys doing the work for them, with all of the attention they get from guys and all the guys approaching them they start to see a pattern over the years and start to learn how to screen and filter them out
She asked what advice your dad gave you and you go off on another tangent about men having to do alllllll the work. Seek help.
Just be confident and talk to them. But make little jokes and you have to tease her a bit. The problem is you think about it too much. Just relax. Girls are people just like you. They also feel anxious as well. Almost everyone feels insecure at 18.
Sounds like it's mainly guys who need training from their family, Dad or brother, women don't get the training Because they have guys doing the work for them, with all of the attention they get from guys and all the guys approaching them they start to see a pattern over the years and start to learn how to screen and filter them out
Your revulsion to women is likely what is impeding your success in dating them.
Yeah. I also did not take any advice from my parents, they think I just hide the fact that I have a girlfriend.
I perhaps overthink it way too much..... just go and talk?
Does someone volunteer though to read my previous post (post below) and give me your thoughts about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoyalGeneral
First off, I have to say that this community is awesome. I would not have expected so many positive and helpful people, willing to help me. I wouldn't have thought that people might actually understand my situation. You are all awesome!
Back to the topic:
- So, for dating you do not have to know the person you want to date personally? (Through class, groups etc.?) I thought until now that you should only date persons who you met before and know well, e.g. from class or somewhere else.
- And, yeah, in the past I was really scared and frightened when I had to talk in class and in public. I stammered a lot in the start... but now? I just look bad and tell to myself - I was afraid - from what? I beat myself up that I have not talked to girls although I wanted to. I told myself, you can manage to speak in front of a whole crowd, you can speak in class, you can refer soccer games, but not to a single girl?.... and beating myself up just led me to a point where I just gave up. But now, I got somewhat of interest in doing it again, and I shall use my interest that time.... it is just that I am afraid that I won't do it again and end up sad, alone and without any interest again. A good quote: "Then you start procrastinating and building up the assignment into this scary monster(...)" I guess I have done that. Build talking to girls into this scary monster.
- Should I use just every chance that comes into my hand? Should I just take baby steps like "Hello, I saw you for quite a time, and thought that I would finally come up and speak to you"? Or perhaps just a plain "Hello!" and see how it advances?
- Yeah, I have some American friends and they say how open they are to each other. My friend was actually quite shocked when he went to the USA and saw how open/socializing the people were. What I do for fun and to socialize? Well good question though. When I finish all of my work (including schoolwork/studying etc.) I play video games. When I get games assigned, I go and refer soccer games. I guess you can count that as some kind of "socializing"? Although mainly I deal with complaining children and angry parents... but that's how it is, huh!
- And, I really cannot imagine myself going to a girl in a train and striking up a chat with her. Or the worst: Going to a group of girls and striking up a chat with them. I could, although I have never done it, imagine myself striking up a chat with one lass, although never in a group. I would probably end up sweating, getting red and stuttering (I stutter really rarely, but more common when I am under IMMENSE pressure, I guess) and not being able to say words....
- And, should I just use every chance I get to strike up a friendly chat with a lass? I mean, like on public transport, on the gym, on school.... It just feels wrong, to go and talk to a lass I do not know from one of my classes.... damn, why do I think so isolated? ='( I did never consider that before. If yes, I would have to stop saying to myself that she is busy, listening to music etc, would I?
I wrote quite a bit of text here. But I really appreciate your help! Really! You cannot possibly ever imagine how much you have helped me already.
Like I said before, DO NOT go up to girls you don't know with the intent of introducing yourself and procuring a date with them.
Just make random, offhand remarks about stuff that is going on around you to start the conversation.
So ... back up a bit. No you do not have to ONLY date girls you know well (i.e. friends), however, you SHOULD try to get to know a little something about a girl before you ask her out. You don't want to commit to a date with a pretty girl just from looking at her. Try to talk to her a bit and see if she can even complete a sentence.
DO NOT say anything about seeing her before and wanting to get to know her better. That's way too formal and stilted.
Instead, talk about the long line you're standing in, or the class you're taking together, or if you're in a public place and you see someone being really weird ("Some people just don't know how to act in public!") etc. I've had a guy come up to me on a college campus and ask me how to get to a certain building. We kept talking and then ended up dating for a long time. Only later did I find out his dad was a professor at the college, and he just pretended not to know where the building was so he could talk to me.
At this point, yes, you need to practice talking to almost any woman you see so you can get over this paralyzing fear. Even asking the cashier at a store, "Y'all been busy today?" is practice.
Don't think about "approaching" as a means to "get a girlfriend." Just think about talking to another person about something going on around you or something you're both doing together.
Don't look at girls as targets but as people with thoughts and feelings.
Baby steps.
I agree with this. A lot of 18 year old girls have never had a boyfriend either. Many girls are too involved with school or sports to have dated yet.
OP, just be yourself and live your life, and think of girls as people, not as potential partners. One day, someone who's into you will come along.
Last edited by gentlearts; 01-16-2017 at 02:30 PM..
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