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I turned 18 recently, yay. In my whole life I did never approach a girl, although I wanted to so often. I have lots of male friends - and maybe just a few girl friends, which whom I talk way less than I do than I do to my male friends. I have no problem with making friends. The problem with approaching is though, it is always told "just go and do it, it's easy". But I never get my courage together to do it. Also, I did never see someone approach a girl and tell her "You are cute, could we get to know each other a bit more?" That is simply not how things work - it is not that easy.
I decided that I have to do something. I am being told "just wait and love yourself", but should I really wait? I have to get active, don't I? Therefore I have decided that I shall ask you lads and lasses for advice.
I would consider me as attractive, I do sports and visit the gym quite often. But the confidence is another thing......
Nevertheless, I should say that I may be too conservative. I have no interest in partying, smoking or drinking. I would never do that. Soccer is not my hottest topic to follow as well. I hate rap and that kind of music to what most of my friends listen to, I rather listen to pop or alternative-rock, such as paramore. I have interest in history and politics as well, what most of my friend don't even know the slightest of - with some exceptions. These attributes certainly contribute to the fact that I am simply not suitable for most girls.....
My question here is what I should do in order to get the confidence to go and approach girls. I may have to first do different things, such as love myself how I am in order to become the healthy and confident person in order to approach girls. But, sometimes I simply keep myself beating up for the fact I am unable to do so.... I said things to myself such as "You are a referee, and you can't approach girls?" "Your ancestors fought in WW II, and you can't manage that?". You got it.
I'd be really glad to hear you advice!
RoyalGeneral
Last edited by RoyalGeneral; 01-14-2017 at 02:44 AM..
You sound like a very nice young man. The ladies will appreciate that too! Yes, confidence comes with experience. Strike up a conversation with gals in clases that you share. Definitely have a topic in mind or perhaps relevant comments about the lectures or topics...small talk. Even a quick "hello" or "how are you" will break the ice. " How was your weekend" etc. Keep it polite and classy which I imagine that is who you are. Treat them with respect which I am sure that will do, too. Take it one day at a time and one encounter at a time. The ladies will respond accordingly, they will empathise with you too...as females, we understand that it is an uncomfortable first step for a guy to approach us.
Let us know how it goes. It does get easier.
I never had a boyfriend in HS...which was fine... I socialized with my girlfriends...I started dating after HS and into my 20's. I was more mature by then. Happily married today.
I thank you lads and lasses for your help. But I'll be open here with you all. I intended to go and talk to that girl for, let's say more than one year. Can you believe it? I just told to myself, "do it later" or "next time" for one year. One bloody year. I cannot believe myself. It is not just one girls, several girls which I find cute. I would not care to be honest if all of them would reject me. They should actually. There are lots of other cute girls out in the world. I just want to be able to go and approach... god damn it, why is it such a big deal?
- So, if I would go and talk after one year, it would certainly be weird, wouldn't be it?
- Also, I lost all confidence in myself. I hesitated for so long, and now I pay the ultimate price.
I read the "just do it" everywhere. And don't get me wrong, I know that you all are right with it. I should. But it is super hard. Plus, I see nobody else doing it.
So, I shall just do it then? Just do it..... I told that to myself for one year and it never worked.... so sad.
Once more, I'd really appreciate your advice here - whatever it may be.
Don't think about "approaching" as a means to "get a girlfriend." Just think about talking to another person about something going on around you or something you're both doing together.
Don't look at girls as targets but as people with thoughts and feelings.
People used to say the same thing about me when I was the OP's age. I'm now 44 years old, never been married, never been in any long-term relationship. I've had a few girlfriends, but none that ever ended up going beyond casual dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae Maes Garden
Let us know how it goes. It does get easier.
Not to burst anyone's bubble here, but I wouldn't be so sure about that. If anything, it's gotten much more difficult for me. I am no longer attractive like I was when I was 18. I've lost a lot of hair, among other things that would be considered turn-offs. I am considered too old now, for most women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae Maes Garden
I never had a boyfriend in HS...which was fine... I socialized with my girlfriends...I started dating after HS and into my 20's. I was more mature by then. Happily married today.
I never had a girlfriend in HS, and only dated a few girls in my 20's. I've hardly dated at all in my 30's, and now into my 40's. My last girlfriend was in 2011, when I was still in my 30's. Most years since then have been dateless for me.
I was extremely shy when I was young and, although I am a female and it is much easier for me, I do have some understanding of this problem.
It simply comes down to this ... are you willing to step far out of your comfort zone over and over again while getting rejected over and over again until you find that someone who does not reject you OR would you prefer to stay within your comfort zone and never find anyone?
You can learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. No pain no gain. And whatever other platitude works for you here. Bottom line is that you will have to take many risks before you hit pay dirt.
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