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I’m a 28-year-old man, but physically, I look as if I’m 17. I get it from my dad. He’s Nigerian, and everyone in his family looks way younger than they are. He has never even shaved (neither have I – we can’t grow a beard). My dad's mother is 76, but she looks as if she's around 50. My dad is 52, but people mistake him for someone in his early 30s. They find it absolutely incomprehensible when he tells them his real age – they demand to see his birth certificate or passport because his physical appearance absolutely defies his age. My mom is German – she’s 55 and looks her age, so it’s pretty clear I get my physical appearance from my dad.
My girlfriend is 30 and she looks like a 30-year-old woman. When we’re together, people always think she’s dating a kid. Once someone thought we were half-siblings and she was my older sister! In all honesty, I feel like I’m punching way above my weight regarding my relationship with my girlfriend. She’s absolutely stunning, both physically and from a personality-perspective.
What exacerbates my youthful appearance is the fact that it’s impossible for me to gain weight (the same with my dad). No matter how much we eat, we just don’t put on weight. I’m a videogame programmer, and although I love my job to death and wouldn't change it for anything else, it can be pretty stressful with 15 hour days and sometimes 7-days-a-week schedules when publisher-imposed deadlines are approaching.
During those rough periods, when I come home from work, I smoke a couple of joints in order to unwind. That gives me the munchies, and I absolutely devour my fridge or go to the closest supermarket and stock up on food. I once consumed an entire loaf of bread with peanut butter in one night (oh man, I paid for it the next day). My colleague actually stopped smoking weed because she put on significant weight because of the munchies. I have a thing for steak when I smoke pot, and when I’m high, I eat a lot of it. But when I step on the scale, nothing happens.
I’ll admit that I do have an inferiority complex regarding physicality when it comes to other males my age. When I and my girlfriend go out to a bar or restaurant, and I see men my age, who have matured faces and bodies, it gets to me. I feel inferior to them. And I see the way they look at my girlfriend, and it makes me feel incredibly insecure.
My mom always says that I and my dad are incredibly lucky to be able to eat whatever we want with no consequences, and to look significantly younger than we are. My dad used to hate looking so young when he was in his 20s and 30s, but now that he’s in his 50s, he absolutely loves the fact he looks like a 33-year-old. He’s very smug about it these days. He tells me when I’m his age, I’ll love it, too. That may very well be the case, but I’m not thinking about 20 years from now – I’m thinking about NOW.
I have this paralyzing fear that one day, my girlfriend will become tired of people thinking she's dating a high school student and that she'll find a man who looks his age.
Well, you might look like a kid, but you also behave like one. She might leave you just because of that.
If you think she might leave you because of your look, then obviously she is not the right girl for you anyway.
You need to grow up, and gain some self esteem.
Get professional help for your insecurities. Because I doubt, anyone here can help you.
Growing up I did have some issues pertaining to mental health. I saw a few therapists in my late teens, but it wasn't until I was 21 I found a therapist who really helped me overcome those mental barriers. I was fine for a long time since then, but it does seem as if some of those issues are making a comeback.
Yes, you're right, not many can probably help me here. I was just wondering if there may be others with a similar issue on this website.
Growing up I did have some issues pertaining to mental health. I saw a few therapists in my late teens, but it wasn't until I was 21 I found a therapist who really helped me overcome those mental barriers. I was fine for a long time since then, but it does seem as if some of those issues are making a comeback.
Yes, you're right, not many can probably help me here. I was just wondering if there may be others with a similar issue on this website.
Oh, there's a bunch of mentality troubled and insecure people here. You're not alone.
What does your girlfriend think about your insecurities?
Oh, there's a bunch of mentality troubled and insecure people here. You're not alone.
What does your girlfriend think about your insecurities?
I haven't really talked to her about them, as I feel ashamed. I mean, there are times we'll be talking and we both agree that the assumptions people can make when we're together, are annoying. But I haven't delved into the depth of the paralyzing fear that grips me when I think about her leaving me because of my physical appearance. Sometimes I'll be thinking about it at work and my productivity for day will drastically drop. I'll be anxious for the whole day. One thing that I did a lot when I was younger was self-sabotage due to a multitude of reasons, but one of the most reoccurring ones was fear. To preempt the impact of the consequences of that fear, I'd self-sabotage. I know it may not make sense. But I do think that self-sabotage element is creeping its way back in my life, after going through years where it was absent.
Last edited by fromcaliwithlove; 01-18-2017 at 05:25 AM..
I’m a 28-year-old man, but physically, I look as if I’m 17. I get it from my dad. He’s Nigerian, and everyone in his family looks way younger than they are. He has never even shaved (neither have I – we can’t grow a beard). My dad's mother is 76, but she looks as if she's around 50. My dad is 52, but people mistake him for someone in his early 30s. They find it absolutely incomprehensible when he tells them his real age – they demand to see his birth certificate or passport because his physical appearance absolutely defies his age. My mom is German – she’s 55 and looks her age, so it’s pretty clear I get my physical appearance from my dad.
My girlfriend is 30 and she looks like a 30-year-old woman. When we’re together, people always think she’s dating a kid. Once someone thought we were half-siblings and she was my older sister! In all honesty, I feel like I’m punching way above my weight regarding my relationship with my girlfriend. She’s absolutely stunning, both physically and from a personality-perspective.
What exacerbates my youthful appearance is the fact that it’s impossible for me to gain weight (the same with my dad). No matter how much we eat, we just don’t put on weight. I’m a videogame programmer, and although I love my job to death and wouldn't change it for anything else, it can be pretty stressful with 15 hour days and sometimes 7-days-a-week schedules when publisher-imposed deadlines are approaching.
During those rough periods, when I come home from work, I smoke a couple of joints in order to unwind. That gives me the munchies, and I absolutely devour my fridge or go to the closest supermarket and stock up on food. I once consumed an entire loaf of bread with peanut butter in one night (oh man, I paid for it the next day). My colleague actually stopped smoking weed because she put on significant weight because of the munchies. I have a thing for steak when I smoke pot, and when I’m high, I eat a lot of it. But when I step on the scale, nothing happens.
I’ll admit that I do have an inferiority complex regarding physicality when it comes to other males my age. When I and my girlfriend go out to a bar or restaurant, and I see men my age, who have matured faces and bodies, it gets to me. I feel inferior to them. And I see the way they look at my girlfriend, and it makes me feel incredibly insecure.
My mom always says that I and my dad are incredibly lucky to be able to eat whatever we want with no consequences, and to look significantly younger than we are. My dad used to hate looking so young when he was in his 20s and 30s, but now that he’s in his 50s, he absolutely loves the fact he looks like a 33-year-old. He’s very smug about it these days. He tells me when I’m his age, I’ll love it, too. That may very well be the case, but I’m not thinking about 20 years from now – I’m thinking about NOW.
I have this paralyzing fear that one day, my girlfriend will become tired of people thinking she's dating a high school student and that she'll find a man who looks his age.
Congratulations about your excellent genes. You have the fountain of youth within you. Imagine for a moment being 20 or 30 years older than you are now. While your cohort look like old men you will still be attractive.
Why do you assume that random people are making assumptions about you and your girlfriend? I doubt most people notice/care. You are just not that important to them.
Growing up I did have some issues pertaining to mental health. I saw a few therapists in my late teens, but it wasn't until I was 21 I found a therapist who really helped me overcome those mental barriers. I was fine for a long time since then, but it does seem as if some of those issues are making a comeback.
Therapists are a nonsense. They have no idea what they are talking about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fromcaliwithlove
Yes, you're right, not many can probably help me here. I was just wondering if there may be others with a similar issue on this website.
I've had mindset issues of my own. Haven't we all? That's normal. No need to pathologize it. That just makes the problem worse!
Listen, every man has some sort of insecurities when it comes to women. And anyone that says he doesn't is a damn liar.
I'll tell you an abridged story of my own, to let you understand you aren't alone:
I was at a workplace in early 2015 when a stunning girl became attracted to me. The girl was 22, and I was turning 30. Now, in my head, the insecurities start coming up. I literally thought "this might be the last time that I have the chance to get with someone who looks like that, and is that age".
My insecurities led me to blowing the whole thing with stupid behaviour - behaviour that just wasn't me at all.
So, I started looking in to that proper. I don't let mistakes happen willy-nilly. I learnt exactly what the deal was.
And since, I have been with many women that are in their early 20s. So, my previous insecurity is laughable to me now.
Yet, I still get new insecurities come up - all the time!
That is just a part of the game, mate.
It's not something to be pathologized. You don't need to take some sort of pills. You don't need therapy. You just need perspective.
So what if your insecurities blow things with this woman? It's not the end of the world. Plenty more where she came from.
There is something to learn here. There usually is with dating, which is what makes it so damn great.
Each woman is practice for the next. Think back on your own experience, and you'll find that to be the case. I'm not being crude, or anything.
This is all about just becoming a better man. Becoming more natural. And in that sense, this is far better than meditation, or any Buddhist stuff.
And I see the way they look at my girlfriend, and it makes me feel incredibly insecure.
I guarantee the vast majority of men and women don't give a crap about you and your girlfriend. What you are seeing as "the way they look at her" is your perception, and honestly probably has very little to do with reality.
But, if you fear that you'll lose her because of the way you look, you probably will. These things have a way of becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
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