To share a bed, or not to share... that is the question. (boyfriend, marriage)

[songinthewind7]

I used to have neighbors that had separate bedrooms. They have a great marriage but one was a light sleeper and the other a snorer. It works for them.
My cousin and her hubby have separate twin beds with the beds pushed not all the way together but close together. It helps both of them sleep better.
If your marriage is good otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it. I would get another bed.

[MaggieZ]

I know lots of people who sleep together and hate it because of one person hogging the covers, snoring, you name it and one ends up on the couch in the middle of the night to catch one or two hours of sleep... They keep trying to share the same bed because they feel they have to, out of habit, whatever. Is your husband wanting his own room or just his own bed? Try suggesting seperate beds in the same room maybe?
Or if he's adamant about having his own room, maybe it's better that he gets his wish.. Are you getting along otherwise?
Maybe you can visit eachother now and then if you have seperate rooms? Like date nights?
Think positive, a room for you to decorate your way and have your own space in, it may not be a bad idea.
It really has to be your joint decision of course, we can't live your life.

[jtjmom]

I know I ultimately need to make my own decision... besides, my bedroom isn't big enough for all of you!

I also just kind of wondered if I'm being selfish about this, and my feeling from the replies I have thus far is yes. I'm getting the feeling that I'm maybe just putting my own "wants" over his wellbeing, and that's just not something I generally do. I want to share a bed. It's imporant to me, and always has been. But if, on the other hand, he needs to have his own space to be able to rest properly and maintain a healthy "routine" (he works odd and on-call hours), maybe I should just bite the bullet.

I think he'd settle for separate beds, but ideally, would prefer separate rooms. He is awakened easily, and once awakened, generally doesn't get back to sleep. Also, our son sometimes comes in to get me during the night (asthma), and that also disturbs him.

He does so much to provide for our family, I guess it's really not so much to ask, is it?

Hmmm...

[Denise in Fla]

Lately my hubby and I sleep in separate rooms because he has PTS, a terrible thing because of Vietnam. Everything has to be open like the sliders to the porch, the blinds can't be shut. Two nightlights, he sleeps at the opposite end of the bed where he has a clear view of the hallway. But we do meet up at night for some delight, it works for us.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I have a Temper Pedic bed and 10 people could be bouncing on the other side and it wouldn't disturb me.

If he snores, then wear ear plugs.

If he pulls the covers, you can each have your own covers. There are ways to get around this without giving up the intimacy of sleeping together.

[Racelady88]

Originally Posted by jtjmom

I think he'd settle for separate beds, but ideally, would prefer separate rooms. He is awakened easily, and once awakened, generally doesn't get back to sleep.

I feel the same way. I have a sleep disorder. I am grateful for any sleep that I can get and tend to hold a grudge against who or whatever wakes me up because I know I will not be getting back to sleep for a very long time. I would prefer a room on the other side of the house where I don't have to hear him snore all night.

Since I have a home office we don't have the space for separate rooms. Separate beds are working out to be o.k. for us.

[flindras]

jtjmom, Try not to take it personally. I know a couple wherein the woman needs some time alone - just an afternoon, and she is married to a man who would love to be together all the time. It's just a difference in personalities. He is outgoing; she is reserved. I hope that helps.

[elfyum]

I don't understand where the sleeping in the same bed thing came from anyway! No offence, but it's actually pretty retarded if ya think about it!!!
Me & my SO of 10 years sleep in seperate rooms & wouldn't/couldn't want it any other way!!! He sleeps with a fan - I sleep with it very warm. (I AM heat miser ) He goes to bed at 7PM & gets up at 3AM. I go to bed between 10AM & noon & get up between 5PM & 9PM...(And a lot of times I nap...I sleep in two parts some days - the other day I slept in 3 parts! Hey - as long as I get my sleep I'm happy! ) I'm an extremely light sleeper.
Why in the world should we have our sleep messed [mod edit: language] with?
Besides, more bed options for the "other" activity that can be done in a bed but certainly doesn't have to!
Get over the social stigma, the conformist paradigm, the B-S!!!
Get your own rooms!!!

[Robhu]

My wife and I sleep in separate rooms. Not because we don't like each other. She is an early morning person and I am a night owl. She moves around a lot with leg cramps sometimes. I couldn't sleep many times until she got up anyway. We have been married for over 25 years and a couple years ago we decided that because of the difference in our sleeping habits it would be more restfull for both of us to make this arrangement. Now we both get our uninterrupted sleep. We do have an agreement that we both have visitaion rights though. Now she has her own space and can make it the way she wants it and I can do the same. We both have our own little nest but can fly to each others if when we want to.
We don't have marital problems.We still love each other. In fact, this might have prevented some problems.
It all depends on the reason. If the reason is because your husband doesn't want your company, that is not good.
If it's for comfort or convenience or to have your own space and still maintain a good relationship like my wife and I have done, then it can work.
I know quite a few couples who have this arrangement and have been married and still in love for decades.

[MaggieZ]

I wouldn't call you selfish jtjmom, just that we get set in our ways maybe and we can't help how we feel. There's nothing wrong with you for wanting to have your husband or SO close at night. But when it hurts one or both, you may have to re-adjust yourselves and your routines. Think about it all and do what you can live with. You don't have to justify your decision to anyone. As long as your husband and you can handle it, it's fine.