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I'm new to this. I have never posted anything about my personal life online before. I hope to gain some comfort and advice on here.
So my bf of 2.5 years broke up with me at the end of october of 2016. We had an on and off relationship in the 2.5 years. It was out of the blue. He was just telling me the day before how much he loved me and appreciated me. I was so happy with him. I was a better person. I focused on school and working out and our relationship. I'm 22 and he's 24 (he only works, no school). But anyway, after he broke up with me, i was so heartbroken...I think for basically 3 weeks I was just messaging him and being really annoying non-stop. I was just very needy. I also got ignored a lot. Then i decided to delete him off of social media. And it helped. However, after 2 weeks of that I texted him telling him I was going out of the country for vacation and if he wanted to see each other. He agreed. We met and had a normal lunch. During the vacation, we added each other back on social media,we messaged and he acted normal and sweet and gave compliments. I thought ok, we are getting back together when I get home because this happened before.
When I got back in January we met so I can give him a small gift I got him, and met one more time after that for lunch. I was impatient though because he wasn't making a move and wasn't texting, it was only me running after him trying to get answsers. Then he said it's not a good idea to get back with each other. And I demanded answers, and I just kept on texting him on and on. Because I felt led on. He told me to get over it. I was hurt and I knew I should have just stopped right then and there. But I didn't. So now it's been two weeks since I got back, and I have been really needy and clingy, demanding answers. It's like we just broke up again. I also think he's talking to someone else but he's saying he doesn't have a gf when I ask him.
So anyway, after pouring my heart daily for 2 weeks, and him telling me he's tired of hearing me talk about the same stuff, I decided to go NC. I felt better honestly. But after 5 days, last night I messaged him because I saw his friend. He was friendly about it, but then in the end i got ignored and that started it for me again. I was mad and got back in my feelings.'
Right now, I just told him bye for the 34958945th time. And I really really want to mean it. How do you get over an Ex? I'm mad that it's been 3 months and I haven't progressed. I'm mad that he could be moving on with someone else. I'm mad that when I ask if he has no feelings for me anymore and doesn't love me anymore, he should just admit it. But he won't. I'm tired of looking needy. I don't want advice on getting someone else to forget him. I have already had guys ask me on dates and for my number, but I only keep thinking about my ex. I think deep down I want him back, but I want him to run back to me, not me running to him. I feel like I have been chasing him the past 3 months that I look silly to him. do you think there's hope? Do you think we will speak and see each other again? I also don't want to have false hope...so I think it's better to get over him completely. But how?
He was my first love and first heartbreak. And the reason for breaking up with me is due to the fact that my family won't accept him. But I don't believe that because everything was amazing and I was going to make it work in the end. I really believe he truly loved me, not sure if he does anymore.
There is no hope that he will come after you again - you have to accept that. The sooner you believe this to be true, the sooner you can get on with the rest of your life.
This appears to be your first break up, and you're still reeling from it. Could it be that you found your identity in this pairing, and that now that he no longer associates with you, that you're feeling empty?
Going NC is the right thing to do. But you have to stop running back to him, mentally and physically. This part of maturation, of learning to cope with being dumped, is a vital part of our development as individuals. The more seriously you try to recover from this with dignity and strength, the better off you will be when you encounter future heartbreaks.
If your relationship was "off and on" for two and a half years, why are you so surprised that it came to an end?
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I think for basically 3 weeks I was just messaging him and being really annoying non-stop. I was just very needy. I also got ignored a lot.
It sounds like you are clinging to the idea of being in a relationship. Now you feel like a lonely loser because you don't have anyone. The man has a LOT of intestinal fortitude to put up with all the drama and nonsense you inflicted on him.
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And the reason for breaking up with me is due to the fact that my family won't accept him.
I highly doubt this.
Time to be honest with yourself. He broke up with you because you were such hard work and needed more than he wanted, or should have been expected, to provide.
Lasting relationships are built when both partners are secure in themselves and not "needing" something from the other in order to be happy.
If your relationship was "off and on" for two and a half years, why are you so surprised that it came to an end?
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This makes sense. But I don't understand the part where, the day before the breakup, he was telling her that he loved and appreciated her. Why would he say that, if he was planning to break up? Why do people send such mixed signals? That's probably why she's surprised.
He may very well love and appreciate her. But it can also be true that her "don't ever leave me" schtick was driving him bats.
He did the right thing and I hope he stays strong in the face of her begging. Giving her any reason to hope at this stage would be cruel and weak on his part.
I keep wondering how, like in this case,with a first time poster, somebody that's never posted online before always seem to use the phrases "needy and clingy" and "NC" .
I wasn't needy in the relationship. I only got needy like this after the relationship because it was hitting me that it's really over. During the relationship, I was comfortable and felt secure that I didn't feel the need to be needy or constantly need his attention.
Only thing I agree with is when you said since it's been an on and off relationship, I shouldn't be surprised. I really shouldn't have been surprised.
Now every time it ends, and I really try to get over him and go NC, but he ends up messaging when he realizes I don't message him. What do I do when he messages again? I know he will do it. Not this week, but probably 2 weeks+ from now. I know it. My feelings won't be dead by then.
There is no hope that he will come after you again - you have to accept that. The sooner you believe this to be true, the sooner you can get on with the rest of your life.
This appears to be your first break up, and you're still reeling from it. Could it be that you found your identity in this pairing, and that now that he no longer associates with you, that you're feeling empty?
Going NC is the right thing to do. But you have to stop running back to him, mentally and physically. This part of maturation, of learning to cope with being dumped, is a vital part of our development as individuals. The more seriously you try to recover from this with dignity and strength, the better off you will be when you encounter future heartbreaks.
I'm doing all I can to believe this to be true. I was doing so wekk for 5 days, I have avoided messaging him, I have gone back to my hobbies. I truly felt calm, as if I was avoiding my own headache. However, when I messaged him yesterday about seeing his friend, I went back into the same cycle. That's when I realized I truly need to get over this guy and forget him completely.
I went to a counselor immediately after he dumped because I was in complete shock and sadness. It helped, but I haven't been back since. It felt good to talk to someone who had an unbiased opinion. I will consider it again.
I also agree with you on the fact that maybe he was my first love? And I found a lot about myself in this relationship.
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