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Old 02-01-2017, 01:27 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,071 posts, read 107,036,480 times
Reputation: 115868

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhibit_B View Post
Before I paid her tuition she applied for student loans. This is the first time I've dated someone younger and also a student. Her tuition costs just seemed like something I would take care of to make things smoother and less stressful.

I love her dearly. The problem and I guess also what drew us together was our introverted and cool emotional shell that we both have. I suppose now it's come to a point where I'd like to know where this going. I feel I'm wasting time if this is just a phase for her.

My decision to leave I feel gives me clarity. The move is really a way for me to run away and start things fresh. I'm also a huge fan of the beach and a warmer climate.
It's time for both of you to grow up and learn to communicate within the relationship. Communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship, and you two don't have that yet.

Without that, it's like both of you are just hanging out with each other on a physically intimate level for the time being, but there's no future envisioned yet. It lends a casual ad-hoc quality to it all, like you could separate/break up at any moment, as soon as some circumstance changes for one of you. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that; in fact it's not uncommon among college students and 20-somethings. But if you say you love her dearly, it's an odd way to conduct a relationship. People who love each other usually share about their dreams for the future, job opportunities that may take them out of state, and so forth.

The fact that you have no idea if she's in the relationship for the short-term or long term would indicate to some people that you don't, in fact, love her, or not very deeply.

Face it, OP; you really don't even know her that well, if you have no clue as to whether she's interested in a LTR and commitment, or not. It's a fairly superficial relationship. And it sounds, from your thread title, like you don't even respect her. That's not love.
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Old 02-10-2017, 02:34 PM
 
273 posts, read 500,914 times
Reputation: 178
it's hit or miss with her. i sort of mentioned something along the lines of "pick out a ring". she replied with "let's get bracelets first". now that was this week. a few weeks from now she'll be back speaking in terms of "We", "Ours", etc...
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Old 02-10-2017, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,619,721 times
Reputation: 98359
It really sounds like you two are Mr and Mrs Right Now.

Based on your description:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhibit_B View Post
I'm mid-30s, the GF is early 20s. There's a 13 year ago gap between us.

We started off casually and moved in together after a few months of dating.

We've been dating for 2 years now and I've provided all her tuition and expenses, as well as the perks of dating an established bachelor with disposable income and lots of toys.

We haven't discussed marriage or kids directly, it's more of a vague or open ended comment here and there.

I'm conflicted because there are hints of us being serious; and at the same time, she expresses a want of independence and can be hot/cold, sometimes distant (We're both introverts).

Because of the ambiguity of the relationship and the uncertainty of dating a 20-something; I've been considering breaking it off for my own sanity.

My logic is that if she is serious, she'll relocate with me. If its all fake, and I'm more of a convenience for her I'd imagine she'd have an excuse to stay behind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhibit_B View Post
it's hit or miss with her. i sort of mentioned something along the lines of "pick out a ring". she replied with "let's get bracelets first".
... you moved in too soon after meeting and have lived together since filling roles you both need filled. There has been 2+ years of vague feelings and staying together by default. Neither one of you is ready to make a real stand for the relationship because deep down you know you just aren't feeling it.

It's time for you to take a stand and move on.
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:10 PM
 
273 posts, read 500,914 times
Reputation: 178
Default dating a millennial (15 year gap)

I got involved with a medical student. She's 26 and I'm 41. I pass for late 20s, early 30s. We started casually dating. In the beginning, gaps of 2 weeks no contact didn't cause any waves in our communication. After a few months of being involved she moved in with me. We've been together for 2 years now.

I'm a bachelor, no kids and mostly a loner. I work seasonally and have disposable income. I don't have immense wealth, but I live a pretty comfortable lifestyle when I'm home for 6-9 month periods. On my time off I vacation once a month. While at home I'm mostly watching documentaries, reading or dining locally and occasionally the bar scene.

Since she moved in, our lifestyle was blissful. We're both quite introverted, so home is a huge comfort for us. We'd often times stay inside for 3-4 days at a time. Her being a full-time student, and me enjoying my time off in great company and lively conversation worked well for us.

I'm concerned because there's periods of distance. She does have a stressful course load, as well as family issues that arise on her side. It takes a bit of warming up, but I've slowly improved at getting past her barriers to open up more. We both spend time alone separately, and we're both fine with it. There's no controlling on my part, no constant texting and phone calls. I give her space and when we're back together there's that "in the moment" feel we always share and we continue on...

The only times when things get hairy is when it becomes unbearable to overlook the small things like the text before taking off on a flight, or a before bed phone call, etc. Obviously, I've never brought these little things up; but I recall in other relationships those things were just the basics of dating someone you care about. I'm no longer sure if I can continue the "calm cool collected" vibe that I give off. I need to express more love, and I need more reciprocated. We're both introverted, and like her, I too had issues with emotional availability. Over time I got passed it and I suppose I'm looking to really express LOVE equally with a partner.

Am I being too emotional? or is this a relationship slowly ending... (emotion and passion aren't going to come to me overnight).
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:16 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,910 posts, read 52,318,517 times
Reputation: 52362
It seems to me that you two are in differing places. Those are exacerbated by the age difference. I'd have some conversations with her and lose the cool stuff, it's probably time to move forward or move on. It sounds like she's probably not into it as much as you are and if she's a med student she's got a whole lot on her plate. I'd probably prepare yourself for a split. I'm sorry about that, and I don't mean to be blunt.

I think how you're feeling is probably how I'd be feeling if I were into her.
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:19 PM
 
273 posts, read 500,914 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
It really sounds like you two are Mr and Mrs Right Now.

Based on your description:





... you moved in too soon after meeting and have lived together since filling roles you both need filled. There has been 2+ years of vague feelings and staying together by default. Neither one of you is ready to make a real stand for the relationship because deep down you know you just aren't feeling it.

It's time for you to take a stand and move on.

I'm going to make a stand on Valentine's Day (how appropriate ). If there's a future here will be the focus. If it's anything other than "YES" and positive I'm walking. I've had this on my mind for some time, it's time to "**** or get off the pot".
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,619,721 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhibit_B View Post
I'm going to make a stand on Valentine's Day (how appropriate ). If there's a future here will be the focus. If it's anything other than "YES" and positive I'm walking. I've had this on my mind for some time, it's time to "**** or get off the pot".
I thought her "bracelet" comment when you hinted at rings made her feelings pretty clear.

What other stand could you possibly be considering???
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:28 PM
 
273 posts, read 500,914 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I thought her "bracelet" comment when you hinted at rings made her feelings pretty clear.

What other stand could you possibly be considering???
"OUCH". the conflicting part of it is after some space and a brief time hanging out she's back to "I want my wedding to be like this..." or "if we get married, you'll be the planner"...

she's very into speaking how she's feeling at the moment. I took the bracelet comment to mean her attraction level is low, this is when I begin the dance of falling back a bit and she gradually starts to chase me.
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,619,721 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhibit_B View Post
...she's back to "I want my wedding to be like this..." or "if we get married, you'll be the planner"...
Well, a lot of girls do that. It's fantasizing.

The reality is that you want to move to Miami, and you need to decide if you're willing to go it alone or if you want to take a dependent with you.

I have a gut feeling, based on what you've written here, that if you actually do try to pin her down by asking her to marry you (which I don't think is what you REALLY want) and leave town, she will balk.

If you tell her you want to move to Miami and then leave her participation open-ended again, she will just hem and haw and cry to get you to stay.
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Middle Earth
951 posts, read 1,135,061 times
Reputation: 1877
Sorry, I don't understand your problem. It doesn't sound like a huge issue. I'm used to more drama than what you wrote. Maybe read the 5 Languages of Love to communicate better with each other.

Also, I'm confused because your other thread right below this one says you're mid 30's. So which one is it?
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