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Another poster quoted something the OP said that I missed somehow that the BF didn't actually invite the invader, but she invited herself. Not sure if that was added later or what, but it certainly is alarming and might explain why the BF never mentioned it.
OP, I gotta go into a meeting, but I hope today goes better for you!
Thanks And yes, as far as I know she didn't come here because of him, she already traveled around close to us in the past few weeks and decided to come here for a couple of days (or lord knows for how long) to see him.
Ugh...this is a tough one. You certainly don't want to set a precedent that you'll back down and accept such disrespectful behavior from him, but if you make a big scene you'll just come off looking jealous and give this girl exactly what she wants. I think a lot of guys out there give women the benefit of the doubt. Meaning they are blind to when a woman is being catty or trying to move in on them. Maybe your boyfriend genuinely doesn't see what this "friend" is up to.
I think the most troubling part of your post is that your boyfriend doesn't care that you're upset. He thinks he's right, he's blaming your feelings all on you, and he's not willing to truly listen much less take any steps to make you feel better. This is a huge red flag. Even if he doesn't understand how you're feeling or thinks you're overreacting, the fact that you are upset should mean something to him and he should try to have empathy and fix the problem. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time apart because he travels and I would be LIVID if a female friend came to stay and not only interrupted our alone time (which I could deal with), but treated me like I wasn't even there. Not to mention you don't even know when she's leaving.
I would lay low and see how things play out. I would take some time to really think about how this relationship is working for you and if you want to continue it. 4 years is a long time. Leaving isn't easy I know. But this behavior is pretty inexcusable in my opinion and if there have been other instances of him doing things like this, then you definitely need to think if you want to continue. Good luck!
I agree. I feel like he has no empathy at all, he just got mad immediately. I really wonder how it would have been if I didn't come back home now, but let's say next month. For sure she would have even stayed here longer and who knows if they wouldn't have sat in the living room talking til 5am instead.
My boyfriend said he didn't know that girl was coming til a day before. He said she already told him weeks ago that she will be traveling close to our city and that she will probably drop by at some point, but he said she decided very spontaneously when to leave and travel to the next city (ours). I mean I wouldn't even mind him telling me a day before that a friend will be staying with us, but after meeting her, NOT HER.
And no, my bf wasn't flirting at all with her in front of me, no hand holding or anything, they just hugged when they met. He didn't do anything suspicious with her and I still do not really think he wants to hook up with her, but still, that doesn't change the fact that it is completely inappropriate, rude and disrespectful. If she doesn't leave til Saturday, I'll tell her to leave.
Sounds all legit.
However, be prepared that he leaves also if you are "unnecessary rude to his friend who doesn't have anywhere else go." Because that's how he'll see it.
And no, my bf wasn't flirting at all with her in front of me, no hand holding or anything, they just hugged when they met. He didn't do anything suspicious with her and I still do not really think he wants to hook up with her, but still, that doesn't change the fact that it is completely inappropriate, rude and disrespectful. If she doesn't leave til Saturday, I'll tell her to leave.
No, I meant was he holding your hand. You know, to assert to her and make it painfully obvious that he cares and loves you...
I knew this will be the thread of the moment. OP, I still stand by your BF playing you both shamelessly.
I also actually am skeptical about your relationship situation. Me and my husband are the same. Why bother getting into relationship when you are only together 2 months tops in a year? So you being 4 years together is actually what? 6 months together physically?
Not my cup of tea. It also does not help that your BF is sooo friendly. Too friendly in fact with some situation you talked about in here.
It's your relationship but I am sure he already slept with that girl or even other girls while you're away. Just my instinct.
Last edited by asianrocker; 02-02-2017 at 12:38 PM..
However, be prepared that he leaves also if you are "unnecessary rude to his friend who doesn't have anywhere else go." Because that's how he'll see it.
Ya, that would be so ridiculous. I mean she DOES have an apartment in her own city. Maybe she should go back there and try to send out some CVs and set up some job interviews instead of traveling around doing nothing. But well, not my life to decide haha, I just want her out.
No, I meant was he holding your hand. You know, to assert to her and make it painfully obvious that he cares and loves you...
Ah ok. Yes, he was. He didn't make me feel like the third wheel yesterday, he hold my hand and gave me a peck on the cheek etc., I just started to feel weird about him too when he didn't come to bed with me, not even half an hour later (but 3h later instead).
I knew this will be the thread of the moment. OP, I still stand by your BF playing you both shamelessly.
I also actually am skeptical about your relationship situation. Me and my husband are the same. Why bother getting into relationship when you are only together 2 months tops in a year? So you being 4 years together is actually what? 6 months together physically?
Not my cup of tea. It also does not help that your BF is sooo friendly. Too friendly in fact with some situation you talked about in here.
It's your relationship but I am sure he already slept with that girl or even other girls while your away. Just my instinct.
No no, it has never been a long distance relationship. We were always in the same city, minus the first two months of our relationship and the past few months. So we normally do see each other all the time.
So no, don't think he slept with someone else. I do trust him anyways.
Ah ok. Yes, he was. He didn't make me feel like the third wheel yesterday, he hold my hand and gave me a peck on the cheek etc., I just started to feel weird about him too when he didn't come to bed with me, not even half an hour later (but 3h later instead).
Oh, then in all honesty, and this will prolly upset some people, I'd consider apologizing to him in private. He's doing what he can to show who is the more important woman in the apartment to him, while not being rude to a guest and catching up with a friend. Then again, I'm a dude, so what do I know? The earlier posts made it seem like he was just being dense/rude/scheming.
I can't imagine anyone who would allow a guest into their mutual space without consulting their cohabiting partner.
So am I to assume this is his home and you are a guest that has been staying there for 3 years?
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