Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not everyone who doesn't give a crap about your feelings is autistic,he didn't care that you were gone for weeks and wanted to spend time with him,he didn't care that you were unhappy about the silence between you,you had to go talk to him.
He doesn't care,find someone who does.
... he told me that a female friend of his will stay with us for a few days,
...she doesn't even know when she will leave. My boyfriend never invited her to stay, she was just traveling close to our city (she's unemployed so she has all the time in the world) and spontaneously decided to drop by for a couple of days. She's been here for two days now and doesn't know yet til when she will stay...
Pretty obviously she needs a place to stay since she's unemployed so she trying to steal your man away. Get her out of there ASAP. She's nothing but trouble.
Never mind, I posted the above before I got through the rest of the thread.
You both need to go to counselling to learn how to communicate or this will never work. Both of you are so passive aggressive it's painful. And he is very thoughtless of you. He takes you for granted, and you let him. You get a bit pissy, then run and kiss his butt to try and make it all better. He knows all he has to do is storm out, give you the silent treatment for a bit, and you will come running. He has you trained.
Is he by any chance high-functioning autistic or mildly autistic? Undiagnosed, perhaps?
It would explain some of his behaviors.
Oh, puhleeze.
A former friend is married to a rude, controlling, selfish sob. She made tons of excuses for his behavior - including autism. Notice I said 'former' friend.
Autism could explain the behavior, but it doesn't address the issue.
The OP needs more than her bf is capable of giving. Forget the rest of the noise (the gf, the presents, etc.), that is the crux of the problem. However, the OP still believes she can work with the bf and change him into something more desirable.
That's a pipe dream.
The time you are spending with him now is time you are not allowing yourself the opportunity to meet someone who is capable of giving you what you need.
The OP doesn't need to make a diagnosis. One benefit of this situation is that it brought these weaknesses in their relationship to the forefront. Now she has some tough decisions to make.
So, he always bought you gifts for Christmas and your birthday the "first few years".
Did he start "forgetting" to buy gifts shortly after you started living together?
You see, now I'm starting to question the validity of this thread. I don't recall OP ever saying that in earlier posts, until she replied to mine... this isn't the first time this has happened in the course of these 50 something pages.
And why exactly are gifts such a huge deal after living together for four years... Seems like an excuse to find problems where there aren't necessarily any...
I can't believe I read this whole thread. It's very, very long. I'm glad that the interloper finally left. It seems pretty straightforward to me and I'm baffled by the drama involved... if someone makes me feel uncomfortable IN MY OWN HOUSE, they are shown the door. Life is way too short to allow people to walk all over you and cause trouble. Give 'em the boot. Here's your hat, go poop in it, right?
Secondly, I'm not seeing where your boyfriend actually LIKES you as a person. I am sorry, I know that sounds blunt. But if my husband of 28 years were to ever discount my feelings about anything, I would have to question how much he actually likes me. You can love someone and not actually like them. This is not a relationship that will stand the test of time as it is now. I'm not saying that you can't change that... but it would take some serious honesty. No passive aggressive behavior. Put it all out on the table so there's no big surprise the next time this girl shows up at your door, expecting to stay a month, treating you like dog poop the whole time. You can simply say to your boyfriend, "Oh, we talked about this, remember, Honey? It would be better if she stayed in a hotel." Done deal. If he walks over you, then you have your answer as to whether he actually likes and respects you.
You probably deserve to be with someone who really wants to be with you and will not discount your feelings when you express them, right? Also, if you've expressed your desire to get married and he's told you that he doesn't feel the same way, believe him. He's not going to change his mind. He might marry you rather than lose you, but then down the road, you're going to have clear-cut evidence that he really did not want to get married. You should never marry someone who tells you that they're not interested in getting married. You seem like a nice person and I'd hate for you to be hurt further. I'm sure there is someone out there who would absolutely cherish you and treat you with the utmost respect. Sometimes when you've been in a relationship for awhile, you get used to the status quo and it's not until after you're free that you see that you weren't really genuinely happy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's very, very long. 
