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I say this to be funny. However how a man discusses his dating history is a big clue as others have said. More often than not it is likely that HE is the psycho because he cannot find one good thing to say about anybody he once loved. Usually this means he cannot see his role in his own relationships and blames everything that goes wrong on the other person. This is the type of man who will tell you that you are making "drama" if you get angry with him over something even though you have every right to be angry.
Most people will have one or two partners who turn out to have genuine emotional problems or just be terrible people. Narcissists, borderline personalities, and other genuine "psychos" are very good at coming across as normal in the beginning and then when they reveal themselves OH NO. It is a big mess. Most people learn from it and use what they learn to avoid such people in the future. In other words this should never be a pattern in anybody's dating history. If it is a pattern the person needs just as much help as the "psychos."
This goes for you too, I am afraid. If you are "starving" for a man to treat you right you must look at why you have been with so many men who were bad for you. Also if you are "starving" for good treatment you will be the best possible victim for a narcissist. It is very blunt to say but they eat people like you for lunch. Be very careful with this man!
This is very true. It only took me one time dating someone who was like this and it has given me a lifetime of lessons since then. I hope to never find myself in that type of situation again, because it put me into situations to act uncharacteristically too. I didn't like who I became during that year, so it was refreshing to separate myself from the situation.
I don't talk exes. I change the subject and let it know I like to talk about things going forward.
I have no desire to hear them talk about theirs and I don't care to talk about mine. Actually it's a turnoff for me.
I think there is a time and a place but no so early as what Jenna describes. Also when you have children it is almost unavoidable, especially if the child's other parent is a partner in raising the child. If you have a child of your own and a blended family becomes a possibility your child will eventually encounter your loved one's ex. There is no avoiding it so it is best to know what this ex is like.
It is healthy to know a little bit about significant past relationships (we do not need gory details about things like sex). Like it or not they help shape who we are. If somebody will not speak at all about them then it is often a sign that the person is still hurting from them, may have one of those patterns that means the person should probably get some help, or is aware that who his/her exes are will reflect badly on him/her (ie they were all criminals, abusers, etc.). I say this because that could be the impression you give people by cutting the topic short and refusing to discuss it. Maybe this works if you never want to get serious about somebody, but emotional intimacy requires learning some history.
The part for me that makes this so hard is that he geninunely seems like a good man who'll give me what i want. As I said in my original post, he's not the "best" looking guy, and not to sound rude, but I have dated better looking guys than him. But with all of them, they turned out to be players and scumbags. While he's not absolutely ideal in the looks department, he seems to be willing to give me what I want.
Other than the psycho exes comment, the only other thing ive seen from him so far that is slightly questionable is that he seems to be slightly clingy to a degree. For example; I like to tag him in facebook statuses sometimes when we go out on dates. He seems to be doing it more for me now than I do for him. Which seems slightly odd to me because I feel thats more of a "female thing." He also does things such as; sometimes my sons friends parents will tag me in pictures on facebook of my son at his baseball games, and he'd Like the pictures. Even though he's not friends with these people on facebook. I guess he sees the pictures from looking at my page. I'm a teacher, and sometimes my girlfriends from work will tag us in pictures of all of us together and he'll Like the pictures. He seems to be very....attentive of me. Which Im not used to. On one hand, I like it. On the other had, it throws me off because Im not used to it. He also seems to have no problem getting exclusive already.
I just want to finally settle down and find the one...and outside of his questionable "psycho exes" comment, he seems to be willing to give me that..
Of course, Im open to discussion
as one single mom to another, your first mistake was introducing him to your kid so early. A month of seeing someone is what, 4-5 dates? Maybe 9-10 if you see each other a couple days a week? Not nearly enough time to get to know someone to see if they are worthy of meeting the kid. You should be exclusive for a while - like at least 6+ months - before throwing the kids into the mix.
Also, dating for a month, being clingy, and pushing to be exclusive are red flags. And add to it that you want to be settled already... this does not bode well. Tread carefully.
I also second that I'm bolting if you say all your exes are crazy or if you are incapable of saying anything decent or not becoming angry when faced with an ex or discussion of an ex. It says WAY more about you than it does the ex.
Everybody has had an ex they find "psycho", "crazy", or they don't like. We don't really know the dynamics of their relationship, how they interact, and etc. If he had his house spray painted, he probably had a part in making that happen, or maybe she is just truly crazy. I have had a few "psychos" in my day, but I am also willing to admit I have my issues to.
It occurred to me (but apparently not to the OP) that this man had a child with a "psycho" person (as all his exes fit this description). And he has not attempted to gain full custody to protect this child from her. What do you think that means, OP?
It occurred to me (but apparently not to the OP) that this man had a child with a "psycho" person (as all his exes fit this description). And he has not attempted to gain full custody to protect this child from her. What do you think that means, OP?
Dare you to ask him.
Before I decided that I was no longer going to date guys with children, I dated a couple that have said as much about their exes. I did ask them why they did not fight for custody and they said that the child needs his mother, or that she is a good mother to him. That tells me one of two things. Either he is exaggerating about just how psycho his ex is, or he wants to go and do whatever he wants without being saddled with the kid, neither of which is particularly attractive.
I started dating this guy. I have an ugly history with dating. I just seem to always fall for the players and jerks
I met this guy who Ive been seeing for over a month now and things seem to be going good. Hes a nice guy who actually seems like he's going to give me the love I know I deserve. I can be a bit superficial, but while he's not the "hottest" guy in my book, I love what he offers me. My goal is to settle down with a guy and that seems to be in his plans too. He seems like he genuinely cares about me. It's just...different from what I'm used to. Seems like a breath of fresh air. He has a a young daughter, and I have a young son. Our kids already get along well.
One thing rung a bell though. We were recently on a date and we were talking about our pasts and our past relationships. We were on the topic of exes, and he said about one of his exes (in passing) "yeah she came back and spray-painted my house." I said "what?" And he said, "Ahh.. I've had many psycho exes, i dont know how or why i always attracted them"
I thought it was weird and by the time I was about to interject, it was too late because he was already talking about something else. I just wanted to know, why? I still may ask him, but I would like advice from people on here if a statement like that is a red flag.
Really? You state up above that you have an ugly history with dating, why all the concern and confusion about his ugly dating past??? Is this a shock to you?
Your posts reads like he's the poster boy for when women decide to settle for a guy who's good enough because he fills some fill in the blank here need that you have. Last time I checked relationships were a mutual exchange here.
In terms of red flags, ya both have a few, truth be told.
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