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My wife and I have gone back and forth about when we should stop having kids. We have 2 with no issues (dodged a bullet with the second one) but my wife is considering a third. I'm done and don't really see anything good that can some from a third except more stress and frustration. We are currently living fairly comfortably but in a high cost of living area so that could easily change if one of us become impacted job wise.
I have even offered a compromise that we can have more kids but need to move to another state where a 4 bedroom house doesn't cost us 700K+. This was immediately shot down due to family ties where we currently live. I even mentioned adopting but that went into the cost to adopt a child so what is the point of that from a financial standpoint.
At this point I am at a loss, how can I rationalize with her to get her to understand my point of view that I really don't want more kids.
Has anyone out there run into this situation? How did it end up?
The serious sit down already occurred and why I am posting. Obviously if it went well I wouldn't be posting... The vasectomy conversation is what drove all of this. I really want it to be a joint decision as I want to avoid the resentment of it being a unilateral decision and worry what that would do to the relationship if she came home one day and it was already done.
If you don't want another child, there is no room for compromise.
We have two situations close to us. My brother in law did not want a third child. His wife always did, but they really can barely manage the two they have, admittedly so, so that seems to have resolved itself. My DH's best friend had three kids and he did not want a fourth. His wife is obsessed with babies, and is determined to get her way, so #4 arrived a few months ago. She'd have more but they are stopping at four.
Can your wife articulate why she wants another child?
In my opinion going through with a third child would only work IF both of you agree. Since you don't want another child my answer is DON'T HAVE ANOTHER.
I think you need to make it clear to your wife that you don't want any more children and hold your ground. You will likely resent it if you agree only to make your wife happy. As stated, a child is a huge commitment.
I don't think you should have a vasectomy without your wife knowing - that would lead to trust issues.
You've made your position crystal clear and as liberty rightly said there can't really be a compromise on it
You're worried about doing something drastic to avoid it happening like a vasectomy and the impact it could have on your relationship, well having a third when you don't want one could also have an impact on your relationship.
I wish you well with this but I'd think she will have to accept your decision one way or the other
Well, I can't speak from experience here, but I will say that one of my male relatives was done after two kids, and the wife took matters into her own hands with the BC to get her way. If you truly do not want more kids, then you might have to make a decision that could cause a huge riff in your relationship. It sounds like one of you is going to be miserable either way, so I wish you the best of luck.
Edited to add: Don't assume she's still using her BC and buy and keep your condoms somewhere safe from sharp needle points. You might think that's crazy talk, but when someone's determined to have another child, ignoring it is what will make you a daddy again.
Last edited by Gretchen963; 02-07-2017 at 06:03 PM..
My wife and I have gone back and forth about when we should stop having kids. We have 2 with no issues (dodged a bullet with the second one) but my wife is considering a third. I'm done and don't really see anything good that can some from a third except more stress and frustration. We are currently living fairly comfortably but in a high cost of living area so that could easily change if one of us become impacted job wise.
I have even offered a compromise that we can have more kids but need to move to another state where a 4 bedroom house doesn't cost us 700K+. This was immediately shot down due to family ties where we currently live. I even mentioned adopting but that went into the cost to adopt a child so what is the point of that from a financial standpoint.
At this point I am at a loss, how can I rationalize with her to get her to understand my point of view that I really don't want more kids.
Has anyone out there run into this situation? How did it end up?
Lay out the numbers including the "if one of us loses our job" model.
Then say - if we have another kid and one of us loses our job we will need to sell this house and move into a condo.
What is her earth-shattering reason for having a third kid when you're content with two? Have you had both boy and girl or both boys? If both boys, she may desire a daughter, but still not a very strong one if it'll make life difficult for the family as a whole. Even number of kids hang out better as a family too. If you feel strongly about being done with kids, discussing your feeling with her and have a vasectomy to make sure no oopsie will happen.
In my mind, BOTH partners absolutely have to be on board in order to bring another baby into the family.
You are clearly not on board.
The jump from two to three is a big one, both practically and financially.
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