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I'm 41 my newly ex-gf is 34. We met at a meetup for hikers. At the time we met, I was nearing the finalization of a divorce with my wife, facing a 60 day jail sentence for a DUI and awaiting the judge's determination on what happens to the property my ex-wife and I own together.
My ex-gf and I hit it off incredibly well. We loved spending every minute together. After 5 months we had already met each other's families, I spent Christmas her family, she spent Thanksgiving with mine. Things were wonderful. We had started talking about a future together. I moved in with her, we were happy, we were compatible, we were hopeful.
Then my divorce ruling came through. The property that I had worked so hard for, sank all my savings into went to my ex-wife because she has a 2 year old daughter and the judge ruled that she is allowed to live there until her daughter turns 18, at which time she is ordered to sell the house and we split the proceeds. Basically, I got nothing.
So, that, compounded with my upcoming jail sentence just crushed me. I buckled underneath all the weight and felt like garbage. I knew I would not have anything to invest in a future with my new gf. So, in a moment of emotional distress, I wrote her a quick and pathetic good bye letter, packed my stuff and left.
I regretted it instantly. But the damage was done. My gf got the letter and, understandably was incredibly hurt, shocked and angry. She told me to never contact her again. She wouldn't take my calls, I sent her an email explaining my state of mind at the time. Still nothing. Her parents eventually called me and told me to leave their daughter alone. That was two weeks ago. I haven't contacted her since.
Is there anything I can do at this point? Is there anyway to get back what we had together? I'm so hurt and she's hurt. But we had such a good thing together, it really was good. Any advice would help.
Thanks
At the point of coming across rude all these tumultuous events happening in a short period of time lead back to you. Your finance your ex wife your little girl your new ex all in a short period of time left in your wake. You want us to pity your situation and ask how to make it right.
Leave all these people alone
Fix your own personal problems
Why so nasty and rude to the OP? Keep it constructive.
OP, you wrote in here for guidance and I'm not going to be yet another person to get high and mighty on you to build myself up. Know that you can get through this. It probably is best to avoid romantic relationships until you get things sorted out in your life and your mind. You can get through this with the right kind of personal focus. Keep taking advantage of the resources around you like the therapist who can help guide you.
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
Quote:
Originally Posted by blind spot
I'll bite! I have been to therapy before. My therapist focused on MY behavior and what I could change, not about what the other person did or really anything about them at all. Are you sure you're actually in therapy? It sounds like you're trying to make what happened your ex's fault and still make yourself look good. Your relationship ended because you ended it...remember?? How would you like it if your partner just up and left with just a letter?
But hey--obviously, instead of trying to learn something from this, you'd prefer to focus on your ex, how she was all messed up, it's her loss, you tried to save her, blahblahblah. I pity whoever has the misfortune to date you next.
Last edited by treevernal; 02-16-2017 at 11:35 PM..
Reason: Other
Why so nasty and rude to the OP? Keep it constructive.
OP, you wrote in here for guidance and I'm not going to be yet another person to get high and mighty on you to build myself up. Know that you can get through this. It probably is best to avoid romantic relationships until you get things sorted out in your life and your mind. You can get through this with the right kind of personal focus. Keep taking advantage of the resources around you like the therapist who can help guide you.
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
Why??? Because he is insisting that his ex shoulders part of the blame for their relationship ending. Did you actually READ the part where her parents had to step in and tell him to leave her alone? Or how about his post where his "therapist" was analyzing HER without the benefit of talking to her first-hand in session? Those sessions are supposed to be about the OP and how HE needs to change how he deals with life, not to figure out how much of what happened is the other person's fault. Going out and getting drunk and then driving isn't the way well-adjusted people deal with a crisis, and he's lucky he didn't kill someone in the process. I don't blame his ex gf for dumping him, substance abuse of any kind (including smoking and drinking to excess) is a huge dealbreaker for me, too.
When a person is going through hell, the smart ones try their damndest to find the exit route.
Yeah, and he knows he screwed up and he admitted to it several times. He's trying to piece his life back together and some people keep tearing him down.
OP, keep ur chin up and follow the constructive advice given here. Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan
Why??? Because he is insisting that his ex shoulders part of the blame for their relationship ending. Did you actually READ the part where her parents had to step in and tell him to leave her alone? Or how about his post where his "therapist" was analyzing HER without the benefit of talking to her first-hand in session? Those sessions are supposed to be about the OP and how HE needs to change how he deals with life, not to figure out how much of what happened is the other person's fault. Going out and getting drunk and then driving isn't the way well-adjusted people deal with a crisis, and he's lucky he didn't kill someone in the process. I don't blame his ex gf for dumping him, substance abuse of any kind (including smoking and drinking to excess) is a huge dealbreaker for me, too.
When a person is going through hell, the smart ones try their damndest to find the exit route.
I agree. I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, including many relationships. As I've come to learn, people come and go in this life and we need to take the positives from those interactions and relationships. I'm the kind of person who is constantly seeking betterment, and on that journey there have been many obstacles including my own addictions, lusts, and desires. But I continue to move forward. Giving up or looking to the past is not an option for me.
Yes, I miss my ex a lot right now, but I'm not looking back. It's coming up on 3 weeks since I've seen or spoken to her and I don't intend on initiating contact. She is part of my past and I can't dwell on that. It hurts and I'm saddened by the breakup, but my future is set in front of me and that's where my focus needs to be.
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