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Do you have one or more past relationships where you think you could've done things differently, wished you had tried harder, not taken all the love you received in that relationship for granted etc. Have you been able to find a similar or better relationship since then? If not, how often does this thought of the past come up in your mind? Do you use this past relationship as a benchmark when dating new people?
Or do you not ever think about the past once you leave that situation?
It is a long story, the details of which I will not bore you.
Suffice to say, I spent two decades thinking about a relationship which had slipped away. I married, had children, and got on with my career during that period, but I never, ever forgot. In the dark of the night I was the loneliest person on the face of the earth. And there were many moments like that.
It took another decade to find this person. But I did. It has been a renaissance in my life. Love definitely is lovelier the second time around.
For anyone who has regrets, my advice is to do something about it. You don't need to be a home wrecker, but you need to know. You need to find out if the spark is still there. Go forth and discover. You just never know without asking.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Yep, I wish I had taken a couple of women up on their advances but I was too scared of acceptance to do so. Now I know and wish I could make that choice again.
I really feel similar to Reds above. Past relationships were learning experiences about myself, and have allowed me to better seek out, find, and maintain quality relationships with women culminating with the one I have now with my wife.
Really looking back with 20/20 hindsight of what I know now, I had relationships with people that I really had no long term shot with anyway due to incompatibilities and realities, but was not smart enough about myself to know it at the time.
Do you have one or more past relationships where you think you could've done things differently, wished you had tried harder, not taken all the love you received in that relationship for granted etc. Have you been able to find a similar or better relationship since then? If not, how often does this thought of the past come up in your mind? Do you use this past relationship as a benchmark when dating new people?
Or do you not ever think about the past once you leave that situation?
I always try hard and never give up before I am not sure I have done everything I can to make it work.
But of course I have many regrets on doing things differently. Sometimes I fully realize I repeat a mistake in a current relationship.
Good Lord, this comes up for me daily. I regret a four year relationship in my 20's because she and I were too different. Should have ended after 2 years. I regret the one immediately after that because she wasn't right for me either. That lasted 2 1/2 years. Mostly, I regret my marriage (together 7 years in all) as I lost my best years (30's) with the wrong woman, while also missing out on having kids. Things I wish I'd done differently are too extensive, but a few are: be aware of where my communication issues came from and work harder to correct them, not date or consider marrying a woman who's selfish in bed, be more open and vulnerable, face arguments head on rather than avoid, do the little things to show her she's special (ie: 5 love languages).
These days I communicate my feelings, am open and vulnerable (very hard for me, but great results), only date women who are health conscious like I am (ex-wife wasn't), compliment more, pay attention to the little things and do more for a woman (dishes, cooking, car repairs, etc), and be present so I can be an even better listener.
Do you have one or more past relationships where you think you could've done things differently, wished you had tried harder, not taken all the love you received in that relationship for granted etc. Have you been able to find a similar or better relationship since then? If not, how often does this thought of the past come up in your mind? Do you use this past relationship as a benchmark when dating new people?
Or do you not ever think about the past once you leave that situation?
Lots of questions. I could have been a better husband the first time around but in reflection I'm not sure it would have made an appreciable difference. Tried harder? Yes, I could have. Made it? Doubtful. To some extent I may have taken the relationship for granted but all's well that ends well. The marriage lasted 25 years and shouldn't have.
In the end I ended up with a far better marriage and better wife. I learned from my mistakes. We've now been married for a bit over 20 years.
As far as using my prior experience as a benchmark, not so much. I'm not mired in the past, just cognitive of it and now I work harder because I really want to. My wife is the first and only person I dated several years after the divorce from my ex. She was and remains just right and works hard at "us" as well. My dating days are over.
Regrets? I don't know. Without those experiences, I wouldn't be who I am today and have been ready for the relationship I have now.
I know I could have done many things differently, but I don't think I would necessarily be happier than I am today.
Yeah, I'm kind of the same opinion. I'm happy in my life and marriage.
With the advent of Facebook, I have had several past girlfriends look me up. I even had lunch with one of them -- with MrsCPG's full knowledge, I might add. Every single time, I thought to myself, "Boy, did I dodge that bullet."
So, no, no regrets.
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