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Old 02-12-2017, 03:52 PM
 
1,152 posts, read 2,134,563 times
Reputation: 783

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So I have been Tindering it up and been failing pretty hard. I have met one girl but she had so many red flags that I identified but tried to ignore since I really had good convo with her.

My big issue is girls see that I have a child (I put it front and center to ensure the expectation is set) and they don't want to talk. When we do get to talk, if the convo about kids comes up, I say very strictly that I am not having anymore kids. I'm 31 with an almost 6 year old. I'm good. I don't want anymore, no one is convincing me, I just dont want to go through the newborn phase again and i just dont have money to support another child.

That makes it exceptionally hard to find someone. Anyone below 27 seems to want to just have fun and party and travel the world. Anyone over that age is looking for marriage and kids. I feel a bit stuck. I dont want to pull away and not look for "the one" but I feel like having these two strikes is a warning sign to women to stay away. I dont want to compromise because I know what's right for me, focusing on my daughter only.
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Old 02-12-2017, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,655,659 times
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You are in a difficult subset, but all you can do is keep moving forward knowing that when you meet someone who is "the one," your priorities MAY change.

The best part is that you're keeping your daughter at the forefront.
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Old 02-12-2017, 04:59 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,316 posts, read 2,547,655 times
Reputation: 5936
Have you considered looking for a woman a little older than you? Perhaps one whose biological clock is not ticking? You may find if you consider women over 35, you will find someone you have more in common with.
Also, isn't Tinder just mostly used for hooking up? Is that what you are looking for, or are you interested in finding a relationship? If that's the case maybe you should look at some of the other dating sites?
Good luck, and kudos to you for keeping your daughter upfront ... you will not regret that.
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:02 PM
 
1,152 posts, read 2,134,563 times
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Do you think it's rash to say I will never have another kid? The girl I saw briefly seemed to think I was out of my mind for not at least contemplating it. The only way I would have had another kid was if I had one when my kid was 2 or less and I was still with her mom. I feel like maybe I am asking too much?
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:06 PM
 
1,152 posts, read 2,134,563 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
Have you considered looking for a woman a little older than you? Perhaps one whose biological clock is not ticking? You may find if you consider women over 35, you will find someone you have more in common with.
Also, isn't Tinder just mostly used for hooking up? Is that what you are looking for, or are you interested in finding a relationship? If that's the case maybe you should look at some of the other dating sites?
Good luck, and kudos to you for keeping your daughter upfront ... you will not regret that.
Tinder has sort of changed. It's more date oriented now. Is there hookups? Of course. Not any I have participated in, but they exist. I guess I just don't know where to look since a majority of my relationships have been through school, work or friends. I certainly do want a relationship over a hook up.

I think I may have to chose older since now I am 31 and dating someone in their twenties is a bit different. Priorities and such are quite different. It's harder since it seems like women are waiting until later and later to have children.
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:09 PM
 
Location: 415->916->602
3,145 posts, read 2,639,237 times
Reputation: 3872
young people use tinder to have sex. You need some other way to meet women. Women I know love men with kids. Are you open to a single mother? That may be your best bet...
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:10 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,623,966 times
Reputation: 54728
I agree. Would you be open to dating an older divorced mother, like, 35+? I think you'll find a whole different universe of women in that demo.

I say divorced because it's more likely she will know what it takes to be in a marriage and will be wiser.
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,655,659 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by skilldeadly View Post
Do you think it's rash to say I will never have another kid? The girl I saw briefly seemed to think I was out of my mind for not at least contemplating it. The only way I would have had another kid was if I had one when my kid was 2 or less and I was still with her mom. I feel like maybe I am asking too much?
I don't think it's rash; it sounds like you know yourself pretty well.

But you never know when you may meet someone you really WANT to have a child with. I know it can seem crazy, especially since your daughter is definitely out of the baby stage, but sometimes you do change your mind. It took me 7 years to figure out I wanted another one. It was like starting over.

I do think that looking at women who are a little older than you is a good idea. There seem to be more who are child-free these days. I don't know how that would affect their potentially being a step-mom, though.
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:17 PM
 
1,152 posts, read 2,134,563 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 49erfan916 View Post
young people use tinder to have sex. You need some other way to meet women. Women I know love men with kids. Are you open to a single mother? That may be your best bet...
I have no problem with that. The only thing is I would want someone with a child older than mine and just one. The problem is finding said women that are interested. Tinder was just amusing and I have had a couple meaningful dates out of it. I know it was a hookup type site before but I constantly see "not int in hookups" on profiles so I assumed it was breaking away from that.
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Old 02-12-2017, 05:28 PM
 
Location: The Jerz (NJ)
602 posts, read 393,902 times
Reputation: 1133
People will use OLD for hookups or relationships - doesn't matter what the site is. I'm on a break from dating, but I would have loved to find a single dad of one as I am a single mom of one.
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