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Old 03-23-2017, 12:51 PM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,913,090 times
Reputation: 15255

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I am definitely a fixer by nature. But over the last 18 months or so, I have gotten very good at not volunteering to fix anything. One would think this would cause me to stop having the strays appear in my life if I do not "feed them", and I would have room for those that do not need fixing, but the result has been to not really have anyone around. Which is honestly getting a little lonely. However I have learned why many of my friends were my friends for years, and I now know how valuable I was to them.
You know, some people just don't understand relationships. I mean, they want to play but don't know how.

Imagine a guy who is just copying another guy in everything he is doing on the court because he wants to play basketball. He would look ridiculous! He should have his own style, his own moves. Independent and working along with others.

Some people don't get jokes.

I feel bad for people that struggle to get involved in relationships and yet fail miserably! They cry about all the things they did to be successful and yet it fails them.

People fall in love with people. If they love you it's because of who you are and not what you are doing. So my suggestion is stop doing stuff. Be yourself! Be independent in life but SHARE yourself with someone who will walk with you.

You will either love me or hate me. Like broccoli. I don't expect everyone to love me and I can appreciate that. However, when that someone gets to know me, my true self, my beliefs, my humor, my style and still loves me then I'm going to bond with them.

Be yourself and stop trying to be something you're not.
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Old 03-23-2017, 08:15 PM
 
2,709 posts, read 6,302,636 times
Reputation: 5593
1) Trust yourself; you know more than you think you do. So if your gut instinct is telling you to get out, then for God's sake, get out!

2) Be friends. If you can't be friends and engage with your partner the way you do with your friends, I don't think the marriage has a chance of lasting.

3) Compatibility may be more important than love. Passion fades, and love can die if it's not nurtured. Being incompatible -- in your likes, pasttimes, values, schedules, goals, behaviors, finances, etc. -- is incredibly stressful and it sucks all the energy that would otherwise be spent nurturing your love.

4) You can't read each other's mind. You've got to figure out a way to communicate, but at the same time, be careful not to analyze everything to death and don't make assumptions.
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Old 03-23-2017, 11:28 PM
 
Location: Traveling
7,023 posts, read 6,256,024 times
Reputation: 14683
It took a while for me to read through this thread. I've been married three times & had relationships in between the three.

The first one was a friend of my brother's who I met when I was 16. My father had died & the boy was my shoulder to cry on. I became pregnant at 17 & we were pretty much forced to marry. Wrong boy, wrong reasons. It didn't last more than a couple of years.

Number 2 was a rebound from a relationship where I wanted to marry my boyfriend but he didn't want to be married. I then married the first man that asked after that. Really stupid. It was a horrible experience as he hid his debts & left me debt ridden when I found out. He also had a pregnant girlfriend when he left.

Number three was 5 years after that. We met at work & he was very sweet. My son loved him, & I did too. His low self confidence & the fact that my position was much higher than his, turned him bitter & verbally, not physically abusive. I left.

That was many years ago & I've remained single. I realize I married for the wrong reasons & have enjoyed my singleness all these years. I probably shouldn't have ever married.
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Old 03-24-2017, 01:40 AM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,764 posts, read 1,666,745 times
Reputation: 3523
Quote:
Originally Posted by Niftybergin View Post
1) Trust yourself; you know more than you think you do. So if your gut instinct is telling you to get out, then for God's sake, get out!

2) Be friends. If you can't be friends and engage with your partner the way you do with your friends, I don't think the marriage has a chance of lasting.

3) Compatibility may be more important than love. Passion fades, and love can die if it's not nurtured. Being incompatible -- in your likes, pasttimes, values, schedules, goals, behaviors, finances, etc. -- is incredibly stressful and it sucks all the energy that would otherwise be spent nurturing your love.

4) You can't read each other's mind. You've got to figure out a way to communicate, but at the same time, be careful not to analyze everything to death and don't make assumptions.
Great Post !
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Old 03-24-2017, 05:32 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post

Be yourself and stop trying to be something you're not.
I think that is the problem. I love who I am. I think I am amazingly spectacular. Others do not find me as endearing.
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Old 03-24-2017, 05:37 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
It took a while for me to read through this thread. I've been married three times & had relationships in between the three.

The first one was a friend of my brother's who I met when I was 16. My father had died & the boy was my shoulder to cry on. I became pregnant at 17 & we were pretty much forced to marry. Wrong boy, wrong reasons. It didn't last more than a couple of years.

Number 2 was a rebound from a relationship where I wanted to marry my boyfriend but he didn't want to be married. I then married the first man that asked after that. Really stupid. It was a horrible experience as he hid his debts & left me debt ridden when I found out. He also had a pregnant girlfriend when he left.

Number three was 5 years after that. We met at work & he was very sweet. My son loved him, & I did too. His low self confidence & the fact that my position was much higher than his, turned him bitter & verbally, not physically abusive. I left.

That was many years ago & I've remained single. I realize I married for the wrong reasons & have enjoyed my singleness all these years. I probably shouldn't have ever married.
I wish I loved singleness. I am stubborn, strong willed, self centered, opinionated and extremely mouthy. I am that friend that will tell you the truth. I love all this about me, but it probably does not lend well for relationships.

I watched the new Gilmore Girls this week. As a younger person I never picked up the similarities, but as an adult reaching middle age, I can see I am very much personality wise, like the character Lorelei Gilmore in real life.
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Old 03-24-2017, 08:18 AM
 
540 posts, read 361,338 times
Reputation: 385
Close as I've come to marriage is co-habitation. But that's a slightly different ballgame. Because it's easy to leave if you have too.

Maybe one day,hopefully, I'll find that someone special
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Old 03-24-2017, 08:50 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,394,969 times
Reputation: 29336
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
That was many years ago & I've remained single. I realize I married for the wrong reasons & have enjoyed my singleness all these years. I probably shouldn't have ever married.
I think a lot of us do. I certainly did the first time around. The second time it kind of crept up on me, much to my surprise. Love was nothing I expected nor really wanted two years into the aftermath of a nasty divorce.

I'm firmly of the opinion that love can come best when you are looking for it least.

One thing I know for sure is that this is the last one. Should my wife predecease me I'm done. That would include dating and any entanglements of any sort whatsoever.

There are worse things than singleness even if it's perpetual. Of course at my age of 70 that could be a relatively short period anyway.
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Old 03-24-2017, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,181,434 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Nightsong View Post
Close as I've come to marriage is co-habitation. But that's a slightly different ballgame. Because it's easy to leave if you have too.

Maybe one day,hopefully, I'll find that someone special
I'm not saying your wrong, but your post made me think about something, (and I do hope you find that special someone)

for me, finding that special someone, creates a whole lot of effort....and a long time....you have to observe them, watch how they relate to others, to you, and if they are willing to compromise in every aspect of your lives together, which is what I am no longer willing to do.

I've lived alone for so long now, that I have no interest in sharing my life, or even co-habitation.

and quite frankly, I'm fine with it.

Guess I've grown selfish? but too me, life is too short.
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Old 03-24-2017, 03:44 PM
 
2,382 posts, read 3,485,489 times
Reputation: 4915
I learned to never do tequila shots near a church.
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