Moving to be closer to family? Boyfriend doesn't want to? (married, men)
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Btw, I don't understand though why you need to be THAT close to your family. Maine and North Carolina aren't even THAT far apart. I live 11 flight hours from my family and I'd be happy if they lived as close as yours.
We've always been a very close family. I cannot imagine planning my wedding or raising my babies without family around. It's the same reason I don't understand how you can live that far FROM your family. Everyone is different and there's nothing wrong with that.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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I live in NC and know numerous families that have moved here in parts , such as a sister comes then the other follows. The parents come next. It just seems to be a place people move to and really like better. Obviously enough to persuade the rest if the family to move as well. I live in Raleigh and were full of transplants. You mentioned the mountains and I will tell you that jobs in that part of the state aren't as plentiful unless your in the service industry. Little towns in that area are cheap but not much to do whereas Asheville is the most popular but very expensive to live. Has your boyfriend ever spent any time here? If he has never left the NE he might have a completely different image of what NC is. It's not the deep south and seems to be very popular with people wanting the best of both worlds. If he won't visit just to see that would be my red flag.
This is a deal breaker. You both want different things. Love is never enough, you have to want the same things out of life and have the same ideas of a future together. So I would separate. You are only 25, trust me if you stay in this, you will resent him. If you talk him into moving, he will resent you.
I have talked a little bit about this to my boyfriend, but so far he's a no. Which is confusing to me because I've mentioned it over the last two years and every time i do he says "yes I'd move if I could find a job"...and now it's a "I'm too committed here with my jobs".
IMHO, your boyfriend is saying, I am not committed enough to you to move.
At the same time, I would not want to move to be near my boyfriend's entire family. I am a grown adult with a job and I don't need to be under my family's duck feathers. Why does he?
There are compromises in living situations. If one person prefers one place, and the other, another, a compromise is to find a third place that fits some criteria important to each.
There is no compromise on, "I'm never going to want to live in _______," and "I'm not willing to move from ____."
Location near family and personal thoughts on that are something couples need to consider. It's a major factor for many people...whether they vehemently want to be near family, or vehemently don't. For people completely ambivalent on the matter, it's a nonissue. If you're a person who finds it very important to be near family, you NEED to be with a person who is fine with that. It's essential criteria.
If you're a person who can't fathom someone else's desire to locate near family, pairing up with a person for whom that's the case is a poor choice.
It looks like you've already decided so it's time to move on. He doesn't want to move to NC and you don't want to stay in Maine so it's not like you have much of a decision left. I kind of agree with a couple other posters that I would not want to move closer to your family. What's in it for him? You also should have thought about this before buying a house together.
Did you previously have discussions about expected proximity to family, going in? These are important conversations to have prior to living with somebody.
Before I even explain the situation, let me begin by stating the only question I have. What would be a compromise in this situation?
Ok, here goes.
I currently live in Maine with my boyfriend of 2 years. I love him very much and can't imagine a life without him and our dog. We've talked about marriage/children etc. we both have good jobs, but jobs that are very easily transferable.
Over the last few years pretty much my entire family has relocated to North Carolina. My aunts and uncles did about 4 years ago, my grandparents did about 3, my sister moved last year and my mother plans to move in a few months. My family is very close, we have a really strong bond and my boyfriend knows this. I can't imagine living that far away from my family, it would be so difficult. Not to mention I actually hate the town I live in, it's got three stores in a 200mile radius and it snows 7 months out of the year in a GOOD year. I've always dreamt of moving somewhere with a better climate but I didn't want to be to far from my family. Now that they are all gone, I feel it's the time to start thinking about it. We have no children, money saved, the only thing tying us down is a house. But houses sell. And I can be patient.
I have talked a little bit about this to my boyfriend, but so far he's a no. Which is confusing to me because I've mentioned it over the last two years and every time i do he says "yes I'd move if I could find a job"...and now it's a "I'm too committed here with my jobs". That leaves me in a crappy position because I feel no matter what happens at this point I get the **** end of the stick. I don't want to stay in Maine forever, there are so many opportunities down south, more jobs, more to do. I would be miserable if I had to stay here without family nonetheless. I would regret not taking that chance for the rest of my life. And if he says he absolutely won't go and I decide I absolutely want to, then we break up and i potentially regret THAT for the rest of my life. And if we move together and he isn't all in, I'd feel guilty for taking him away from everything he knows.
So I'm not looking for relationship advice per she because I know no matter what it'll be difficult. But what would honestly be a compromise in this situation. This isn't a 3 hour distance/day trip relocation, this is a 20+ hour distance.
Thanks in advance!
You've talked to him just a "little bit", so I think you and him need to sit down and really hash it out. The pros/cons of relocating, really dig into why he doesn't want to move. Frankly, it could bother him that he knows you would choose your family over him.
A compromise would be choosing to relocate to someplace you both would be happy. Maybe someplace half-way between Maine and NC?
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