Friend zone? or is it something more? Never had a true male friend this close before... (dates, marry)
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I can agree with Ruth4Truth here... somewhat. "Filling a void in each other's life" may be true, but what's so bad about that? Even if someone rejects the idea of LTR's, they can still benefit from having an opposite-sex friend who plays a similar role, only without relationship obligations for either party. Namely, no requirement to provide physical or emotional intimacy, just enjoying the good times in each other's company. Stuff like exchanging hugs and dancing together, that's very rare between two men (but common between two women), is a nice bonus too.
I had a few female friends in the past, who since moved away for their jobs. And I have a female friend now, who I see pretty regularly. So I'm not just theorizing.
I agree. I have a good male friend and we used to hang out all the time. We'd go on trips together and play pool all the time. We were also each other's wing people. But it seems like the OP really wants more from her friend.
I don't think I ruined a good thing by asking. I just know what I am looking for. Maybe at the beginning he didn't want to scare me off, but later on he also said that he wanted to be friends. It was mutual.
You're right about moving in the direction of being a couple or moving on. I am too afraid to ask, because I like where it is now and don't want to ruin that.
Everything that we are doing now is exactly what I was looking for when we were more physical with each other (kissing and such), but now it's a complete switch haha.
Don't listen to the people who push the "couple or nothing" message. Keep enjoying the fun friendship you have. Me and my female friend dance together a lot, and the dancing feels more than friendly once in a while, but we keep our boundaries. No reason you and your male friend can't have something similar. Maybe you can be cuddle buddies or something, I don't know.
So what's wrong with him? Seems if you like someone, you'd want to be with them.
Nothing is wrong with him. I would like to be with him, in fact, I think it would be great! But if he isn't on the same page, then it doesn't matter how I feel because it will be one-sided.
Ha. No I will not pursue a FWB...that isn't wise nor beneficial because in the end I know I will be hurt. I am going to let it be for now, and if something does become more between us then great! If not, also great. Either way I will be able to move forward in either direction
I am generally a positive spirit and think that if it's suppose to happen it will.
Note: I don't entirely depend on fate and will make some moves here and there, but if it doesn't seem promising then I will know my answer.
Don't listen to the people who push the "couple or nothing" message. Keep enjoying the fun friendship you have. Me and my female friend dance together a lot, and the dancing feels more than friendly once in a while, but we keep our boundaries. No reason you and your male friend can't have something similar. Maybe you can be cuddle buddies or something, I don't know.
Thank you MillennialUrbanist, I appreciate your different perspective and not viewing relationships as binary. I don't think I would pursue a cuddle buddy type thing, but I think what I have now is okay for me and makes sense for where I am at now with relationships of all sorts (i.e. romantic, platonic, non-committal...or whatever else falls into this category).
I am not one to be 100% down for a long-term relationship. The idea seems a little too constricting for me right now.
However, if I do see my friend dating someone else, I will be devastated and hurt. I don't like the idea that something like that can alter my feelings and thoughts so quickly.
Except for the dating at the beginning your friendship sounds just like all my male friends (mainly back when we were in college and they were all still single). So it's not unusual. I'm not that close to any of my old college friends anymore because they are all married and do these things with wives now (and I do these things with my boyfriend). But we all still hang out as a group and such.
So I guess what I'm saying is it sounds pretty normal to me. But also realize that more so than with a female friend, a male friend may get more distant when one or both of you meet someone.
Thank you MillennialUrbanist, I appreciate your different perspective and not viewing relationships as binary. I don't think I would pursue a cuddle buddy type thing, but I think what I have now is okay for me and makes sense for where I am at now with relationships of all sorts (i.e. romantic, platonic, non-committal...or whatever else falls into this category).
I am not one to be 100% down for a long-term relationship. The idea seems a little too constricting for me right now.
However, if I do see my friend dating someone else, I will be devastated and hurt. I don't like the idea that something like that can alter my feelings and thoughts so quickly.
Great minds think alike, don't they? I'm not down with long-term relationships, either. I've seen what happens to men who get into one. My friends, for instance. The only way we hang out now is with me as an odd-numbered wheel. Which is becoming increasingly awkward with passing time, because it feels like the couples subtly look down on me. Trying to arrange a guys' night or at least go work out at the gym together falls on deaf ears.
I'd probably be a little miffed if my female friend started dating someone else, but I'd at least try to find it within myself to be happy for her. The fun hugs and the dancing we do might have to stop, though. (More reserved classic dancing would still be OK, since she knows I take lessons.) Which I can understand: it'd be out of fairness to her new boyfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
So I guess what I'm saying is it sounds pretty normal to me. But also realize that more so than with a female friend, a male friend may get more distant when one or both of you meet someone.
Not necessarily. It depends more on how quickly someone is willing to change priorities and loyalty, than on that person's or their friend's gender. Even though my friends kicking me to the curb was a punch in the gut, I intend to stick to my principles and prioritize existing loyalties over new loyalties, with the other parties' actions taken into account. I know not everyone thinks that way, but still.
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