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My story is that I've known my friend for almost two years now. We met through a non-profit. At the beginning I didn't pay attention to him because I wasn't looking for anything at the time, and then I eventually realized that he was kind, genuine, and caring. Also, he was kind of quirky and I like that. So, I began to fall for him. I fell so hard, that I told him how I felt. He told me that he liked me too. We were both excited and caught up in our feelings. We didn't kiss for the longest time. It even took a longer time to even hug each other. But when we kissed, man oh man, it was so passionate, thrilling, and magical.
However, being me and wanting to make sure that this wasn't a fling-side-thing. I asked him what his intentions were in the long run. He said that he wasn't looking for anything serious. So I decided to call it quits, and said that we should remain as friends only. We agreed that we both should be friends.
A year has past since that time, and we've kept in touch here and there with our friend group. However, I've noticed that he has been even more present in my life. For instance, we would schedule one-on-one hangouts for events that we both like, talk more consistently throughout the week via text or with online chats, he is persistent to support me on my personal goals, and lately he asked to hangout with me (just me) all day. During those times we would go to music concerts, get dinner, hike, do partner dances, and go to festivals together. He also has been suggesting spontaneous events that we should do outdoors with friends. I'm not pushing anything this time and have no need to because I enjoy our friendship and conversations with each other. I love where we are now. He is one of the few people that I can trust in my life, other than my current best friend.
I am wondering if this is normal to have a male friend like this? I don't think I've ever had someone who is a guy who is so present in my life. I definitely have some feelings for him, but I am at a place to lay low.
Thoughts?
Also, I am open to dating new people and I don't think I am limiting myself.
You say you're open to dating other people. Is he dating occasionally? Has either of you shared anything about dating someone else? Ever mentioned a date you had or that's on the calendar, or has he?
You two sound like you're filling a void in your life with each other. What it actually means to each of you deep down will be known only when one (or both) of you mentions a date with someone else.
I can agree with Ruth4Truth here... somewhat. "Filling a void in each other's life" may be true, but what's so bad about that? Even if someone rejects the idea of LTR's, they can still benefit from having an opposite-sex friend who plays a similar role, only without relationship obligations for either party. Namely, no requirement to provide physical or emotional intimacy, just enjoying the good times in each other's company. Stuff like exchanging hugs and dancing together, that's very rare between two men (but common between two women), is a nice bonus too.
I had a few female friends in the past, who since moved away for their jobs. And I have a female friend now, who I see pretty regularly. So I'm not just theorizing.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-22-2017 at 12:00 PM..
I can agree with Ruth4Truth here... somewhat. "Filling a void in each other's life" may be true, but what's so bad about that? Even if someone rejects the idea of LTR's, they can still benefit from having an opposite-sex friend who plays a similar role, only without relationship obligations for either party. Namely, no requirement to provide physical or emotional intimacy, just enjoying the good times in each others company. Stuff like exchanging hugs and dancing together, that's very rare between two men (but common between two women), is a nice bonus too.
I had a few female friends in the past, who since moved away for their jobs. And I have a female friend now, who I see pretty regularly. So I'm not just theorizing.
People are integrated beings. We cannot put our feelings for someone of the opposite sex in a box, put a lid on that box, and expect our feelings to stay inside that box. At some point something will happen to cause our feelings to escape from the box.
You say you're open to dating other people. Is he dating occasionally? Has either of you shared anything about dating someone else? Ever mentioned a date you had or that's on the calendar, or has he?
You two sound like you're filling a void in your life with each other. What it actually means to each of you deep down will be known only when one (or both) of you mentions a date with someone else.
Hi there Ruth4Truth, I am not aware if he is or isn't. I've mentioned it to him before that I am open to dating others. He asked me why I have the need to date and I told him that I just want to date. I also emphasized that there isn't a social pressure for me to date, but simply that I find it fun and exciting. That was the end of that conversation. I was dating someone for a while, who I met at a friend's party, but that ended after a month and a half. That person was also looking for nothing serious and I didn't like that idea either, but I decided to go with it. He ended up hurting my feelings and knew that was going to be the end result.
I didn't bring it up to my friend, until later recently in a passing conversation, but he didn't seem like he wanted to go in that direction in our conversation. So we did not.
Until this very day, he hasn't mentioned anything to me about any girls in general.
You say you're open to dating other people. Is he dating occasionally? Has either of you shared anything about dating someone else? Ever mentioned a date you had or that's on the calendar, or has he?
You two sound like you're filling a void in your life with each other. What it actually means to each of you deep down will be known only when one (or both) of you mentions a date with someone else.
I agree, the truth will come out when one you starts dating other people.
It's going to be hard for those feelings to just dissipate with you two hanging around one another all the time.
Why did you ruin a good thing by asking where it is going?
Now you are a friend. Only because that's what you decided.
Either be a couple or move on.
Did you ever think he said 'nothing serious' so he didn't scare you off?
I don't think I ruined a good thing by asking. I just know what I am looking for. Maybe at the beginning he didn't want to scare me off, but later on he also said that he wanted to be friends. It was mutual.
You're right about moving in the direction of being a couple or moving on. I am too afraid to ask, because I like where it is now and don't want to ruin that.
Everything that we are doing now is exactly what I was looking for when we were more physical with each other (kissing and such), but now it's a complete switch haha.
I've ruined a couple of friendships by taking it to the next level, no regrets. Had some great moments with those ladies and most friendships go by the wayside anyways due to convenience. Kinda that "rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
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