Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-01-2017, 11:55 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,883,738 times
Reputation: 43041

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
To the original post....

what did I just read?
juicy stuff. Interesting though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-01-2017, 04:09 PM
 
9,446 posts, read 6,550,299 times
Reputation: 18898
Quote:
Originally Posted by Half_Life View Post
I have followed all of the advice and deleted her from EVERYTHING! It has generally been me that has reached out to her the last three months & I understand now that I am simply hitting the reset button & hurting both of us more and more.. I know what needs to be done now and I thank you for all your input & time. Hurts like crazy but I know the future would be crazier with her in it. Much love x
Glad you're taking these actions. Change is hard but it gets easier. You're saving your own life and you're daughter's too. Best Wishes!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2017, 05:56 AM
 
8 posts, read 5,277 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
The 'best thing that ever happened to you' is your daughter.

Focus on your daughter and not this slutty cheater.

End if story!
Although I pushed her when she got back with old BF you kind of expect better from your woman don't you. Her breakup behavior and how easy it is to hook up for cheap sex and affection tells me all I need to know. Thanks for taking the time to add to post x
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2017, 05:57 AM
 
8 posts, read 5,277 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Good! Quite frankly, you should. This is going nowhere and think about the example it sets for your daughter. Children are very intuitive and your passivity won't be lost on her. Is that the model you want her to live by? Stop "feeling" and start "thinking."
Stop "feeling" and start "thinking." GOOD ADVICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2017, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,022,276 times
Reputation: 3911
Quote:
Originally Posted by Half_Life View Post
Although I pushed her when she got back with old BF you kind of expect better from your woman don't you. Her breakup behavior and how easy it is to hook up for cheap sex and affection tells me all I need to know. Thanks for taking the time to add to post x
This post convinces me that you still aren't getting it. I don't have time to break it down but surely you can see that your putting all the emphasis and blame in the wrong places.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2017, 07:04 AM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,147,660 times
Reputation: 27047
Quote:
Originally Posted by Half_Life View Post
I am 43y male and met a beautiful, clever, wonderful 32y 2 years ago that 'got me' in a way no other woman had ever managed before. We shared magical times & both helped each other through similar difficult divorces.. I have a 5 year old daughter and went through a long and arduous legal process at huge emotional and financial cost.

You and she met when you were both facing similar trauma....That is what escalated your relationship. That doesn't mean it was healthy.

The problems started when I wasn't prepared to compromise my time with my little girl over my girlfriend.
I matched our weekends with her children and it worked wonderfully but continual fighting, comparisons of affection, showing too much 'clinginess' to my daughter & fall outs resulted in swapping back the weekends. Don't get me wrong this girl meant the World to me but it seemed unnatural to not devote myself to being the best Dad I could be.. A result of this meant I continually pushed her away and months of falling out and getting back together. It scared me and I never gave her any indication of a future despite her concerns. (Home/marriage/kids!)

You compromised, and she still wasn't happy....Because she was putting on a façade....pretending to be supportive when she is actually jealous and insecure, even about your daughter. That is not a healthy mind set, especially if you were considering her as a step-mother to your daughter.

Three months ago I found out she had been cheating on me with an old boy friend & although I don't know what happened I am pretty sure they slept together. We broke up for good but I just cannot get this girl out of my head and have returned looking for validation and to try and repair what we had but have simply resulted in hurting myself more... I know she is desperate to be loved and text's/calls me all the time telling me such and I so want to make it work because I fear I will never find that connection again or find a woman that made me tick like her..

She is not a faithful woman....She is giving you mixed messages.....and manipulating you emotionally...Even while she is continuing to cheat. If you love someone, you don't cheat.

I was always faithful to her despite her continual concerns that I was being unfaithful and after reading up about stuff realize she was very codependent insisting on being by her side all the time, keeping in touch via text and calls & frowning on any female interaction from my part.

Again, you already identified her co-dependency....She will never be a good life partner. You are giving her more credit than she deserves. you deserve a relationship with an adult woman who supports your strong relationship with your daughter, not this woman.

Here's the best bit....& she told me this! She was straight on Tinder and hooked up with a guy within 5 days and told me filthy intimate things that they did together. She called me last weekend to say she was going for a day out with him but didn't want to & she wanted me. Being a sucker and not wanting anyone else to have her I spent 3 days with her in a vain attempt to try and resolve everything (again!) & again due to me requesting she showed me dozens of intimate messages (some slutty!) shared with her and different men on Facebook & SnapChat. She said she has slept with 2 men since our split but I suspect 4! She also told me she had a sexual experience with one of her girl friends months ago & attacked me one night in a fit of rage! WTF

You need to vent, this woman's behavior is despicable. But do not confuse your hurt, as love. She is not a woman that deserves a faithful loving man...She has shown you what she is capable of. Believe her.

I know she's doing this to make me feel jealous and simply moving on with her life but I have completely lost my compass & sanity over this. She has more male friends than female, has a colorful sexual past but has said to me if I can make that commitment she will agree to move away. close all her social media down and start a new fresh life with our girls.

She is manipulating you. Moving on with her life would not involve rubbing your nose in her sexual exploits. She is trying to hurt you into submission, because she sees your willingness to try to make this relationship work as weakness that she is willing to exploit. Love should not be this way. Healthy mutually supportive love does not involve these kind of manipulations and deceit.


I know what the correct answer is here & feel a little embarrassed even posting this but it kind of helps tapping away on these keys getting it all out. I have been ill the last three months since we split, lost weight, been unable to concentrate on my career or family despite looking after myself and doing all the right things.

Relationship Red Flags for Men: 14 Red Flags to Look for in a Relationship | The Art of Manliness
Red flags in a relationship:15 Red Flags Not to Ignore In Any Relationship | The Huffington Post
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ship-red-flags

You need to find a co-dependency support group, online or in person. You are showing signs of co-dependency. Do not let your emotional weakness destroy your chances for eventually finding a healthy relationship.

online support links: there are many more please research until you find one that you feel comfortable with
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/codependency
https://codependency.supportgroups.com/

Sampling of co-dependency resources and help:
Codependency Workbook Exercise One: Family History
Codependency Workbook Exercise Two: Relationship Inventory
http://www.stlcw.com/Codependency_Packet.pdf

I know I need to put distance between the two of us & focus on myself but I still keep getting these nagging doubts that I'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me.

You are in pain. Your emotions are normal, but misguided because of her manipulations. She is not a healthy choice for you. You need to take time for yourself, distance yourself from the dating/relationship scene and work on your self-worth. It will be absolutely the best thing you can do for yourself, as well as your daughter going forward. It will get better as soon as you get emotionally healthy.

Feel a bit of a laughing stock even reading over what I have written but here goes...
I found it easier to answer you in your OP....Please check the links...and they are simply a few of those available online.

It is healthy to recognize our own weaknesses, it is the first step to improving ourselves. Reaching out for help is not weak....It is human.

I wish you all the best moving on and forward.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2017, 08:22 AM
 
365 posts, read 257,354 times
Reputation: 882
Quote:
Originally Posted by Half_Life View Post
Who is the author please?
Robert Glover

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover, Hardcover | Barnes & Noble®

Yes, I am a recovering Nice Guy. And this book helped me immensely.

There are several pulp novels with the same or similar name so make sure you get Glover's book.

You might also consider "The Way of the Superior Man" by Deida.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2017, 06:30 AM
 
8 posts, read 5,277 times
Reputation: 30
I mean this sincerely, thankyou for the input.. helped me soo much xxx
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2017, 09:45 AM
 
365 posts, read 257,354 times
Reputation: 882
Trust me, as a recovering Nice Guy, I know how hard this can be.

Currently, I have been dating a certain lady for about 6 weeks. I came to the conclusion after our last date that she and I were not going to be a good long run match for me. Now I have to tell a very nice lady, whom I like and do enjoy being with, that a long-term relationship is just not in the picture for me. The Chemistry is not right. This is not easy for me to do and it is bringing out the Nice Guy 'pleaser' in me big, big time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2017, 01:02 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 627,268 times
Reputation: 1157
I'd suggest you go see a therapist or counselor ASAP for the sake of you child if not for your own sanity. This woman is NOT the best thing that ever happened to you - your own child is!
re: It's an unhealthy relationship addiction that I WILL BREAK.
Get help!
re: Hurts like crazy but I know the future would be crazier with her in it.
Google: Codependency or codependents anonymous and get some help there. Google: Codependent no more ~ Melody Beattie
good luck
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:49 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top