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He ONLY said that he had HOPED she would do one thing, but of course never vocalized it, then got mad when he texted her AGAIN hoping she would be back in the room, and nothing in his description of her explanation showed intent to deceive, in my opinion.
His whole post reeks of his fear of what she might be doing in his absence. If their trust was solid, he would not care.
Thankfully, it appears you have never been in his shoes, but I have, and instantly recognized the underlying, unexpressed thoughts and feelings.
His whole post reeks of his fear of what she might be doing in his absence. If their trust was solid, he would not care.
I don't think anyone is arguing that.
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Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax
Thankfully, it appears you have never been in his shoes...
...another leap in logic. You have no way of knowing what I have experienced.
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Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax
, but I have, and instantly recognized the underlying, unexpressed thoughts and feelings.
Soooo ... you could very easily be projecting here?
Because "underlying trust issues" are obvious, but assuming she knew what his reaction would be??
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Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax
I do, nonetheless, contend that his feelings are perfectly valid, especially since there are clearly some preexisting trust issues here, which is why he is so upset and why she did not tell him until the last moment (because she knew what his reaction would be).
We have no idea what SHE was thinking or feeling, but we KNOW the BF is angry that she couldn't read his mind and do what he WISHED she would do (without his actually telling her).
Soooo ... you could very easily be projecting here? Because "underlying trust issues" are obvious, but assuming she knew what his reaction would be??
We have no idea what SHE was thinking or feeling, but we KNOW the BF is angry that she couldn't read his mind and do what he WISHED she would do (without his actually telling her).
You reinforced my my original statement that there were obvious trust issues. And her unwillingness to simply tell him straight up what she was doing suggests she was concerned about what his reaction would be. First she gave one reason (something about a coworker not wanting to go alone), then switched to another (about it being a good work party to go to). Neither of these is factually relevant; the issue is the thoughts and feelings they stirred up in him.
It is not a projection to recognize commonalities in experiences, or cause and effect relationships.
We do know what she was thinking and feeling but we do know what she was doing, which is all that really matters, isn't it? They have been together long enough to know each others vulnerabilities and the OP is angry that she did not appear to be concerned about his, in the same manner that he is concerned about hers.
You reinforced my my original statement that there were obvious trust issues. And her unwillingness to simply tell him straight up what she was doing suggests she was concerned about what his reaction would be.
Unwillingness? She didn't know about the party until after they had "signed off."
And her unwillingness to simply tell him straight up what she was doing suggests she was concerned about what his reaction would be.
Unwillingness? She didn't know about the party until after they had "signed off."
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Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax
No, she did not tell him about the party until after they signed off.
OK, for my last point here:
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Originally Posted by Serapio
Turns out not 10 minutes had past after I had said good night when she was invited to that party. If I hadnt messaged her again I wouldn't have found out until this morning, or maybe she just wouldn't have told me. That's one thing that is really bothering me right now.
She didn't deliberately mislead him. He texted her AGAIN to check up on her and found out about it.
Unwillingness? She didn't know about the party until after they had "signed off."
OK, for my last point here:
She didn't deliberately mislead him. He texted her AGAIN to check up on her and found out about it.
That that I would say is conjecture. We don't whether she did or did not.
That also damages the OP's case because he can't subjectively choose to trust some things (like that^^) she says while distrusting others (like what she was doing with lawyer boss).
She didn't deliberately mislead him. He texted her AGAIN to check up on her and found out about it.
Exactly, he said good night, she said good night, and instead of going to sleep he has to contact her again and find something to get mad about, because he didn't really want her to have a good night!
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