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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,763,743 times
Reputation: 40634
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Now, if a woman just outed herself by stating she's dating multiple men without me asking for that information; I would assume she's a blowhard. Any attraction I would have had would have likely dissipated.
I know this is a norm, to date multiple people before one becomes exclusive but what type of physical behavior is permissible during this stage? Is it bad form to kiss or make out each one of them? Or does the line stop with anything that is clothes off?
What if you are evaluating if there is physical chemistry or not? Some amount of physical activity such as kissing can give one huge cues about physical compatibility - for instance I love to kiss/make out, i've noted that some women dislike any type of long passionate kissing while others love it, I would rather be with the latter not the former but I wouldn't know until I tested the waters so to speak.
Not sure what you mean by "permissible". Everyone involved should be consenting adults and do what feels right.
I need chemistry when it comes to kissing and intimacy but first there needs to be chemistry on other levels. Assuming we click, kissing for me is a deal breaker. If that jolt isn't there when we kiss then I'm not getting turned on. I adore kissing and making out so if there's no chemistry then there's no point in going further for me.
Nike condoms: Just do it.
Allstate condoms: You're in good hands.
At&T condoms: Reach out and touch someone.
Avis condoms: We try harder.
Coca-Cola condoms: The real thing ...
Gillette condoms: The best a man can get
Maxwell House condoms: Good to the last drop.
OMG I have to stop ... this is like shooting fish in a barrel.
How could you not include:
State Farm: Like a Good Neighbor....
Just to clarify my situation, I didn't tell any of them until the 2nd or 3rd date depending on how well it went. And of the men I told, most didn't like the competition, but were okay with it because they were realistic, knew that we weren't exclusive. The guy that did care, he told me later that he really liked me and wanted to date exclusively but felt it was way too early to ask for that (2nd date), so the best he could do was tell me he didn't like me dating others.
Interesting...there was a time when if a guy knew he had competition he'd be up for it and fight even harder! Now any excuse seems to be a good one to ghost...including being in a snit about assumed exclusivity on her part when more than likely he's open to a first date with someone new at the same time.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,763,743 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Interesting...there was a time when if a guy knew he had competition he'd be up for it and fight even harder! Now any excuse seems to be a good one to ghost...including being in a snit about assumed exclusivity on her part when more than likely he's open to a first date with someone new at the same time.
Yeah, there was a time for that, in my 20s. Even when I "won" I "lost". Not worth it. People like me, or they don't, I'm not battling for someone's affection and interest.
Yeah, there was a time for that, in my 20s. Even when I "won" I "lost". Not worth it. People like me, or they don't, I'm not battling for someone's affection and interest.
I'm never going to fight for a woman's attention or affection. Those types of women, or men for that matter, likely end up with poor partners anyways. They tend to chase their match too, which ends up not being who they hoped they would be.
To add to this. It's not because they're holding me back from potentially dating anyone else either. If I like them, I clearly don't want to date anyone else, and I would hope the same from them. I think this is how so many people end up hurt way down the road. They don't bring up their needs and what they ultimately want. There's nothing wrong with being honest about your expectations. I dated a woman that was cool with casual, but then decided that she wasn't. We ended what we were doing and now she's in a relationship with someone who could offer her the relationship she realized she was truly after.
Hell no. If I want to know, I will ask. I assume people are dating around, they should be if we're not committed. I can't see why they wouldn't be.
Don't stick that stuff in my face. Why? Want to make me feel like one of many? Want to make me feel like just another option? Trying to show me how desirable you are? Get out of here with that crud. No reason to volunteer that. When you're dating multiple people discretion is key, as is making sure you focus on each date like its the only one (because you are only having one at the time).
If I want to be exclusive with you, I'll ask for exclusivity.
If you want me to yourself, you ask for exclusivity.
Up until we're exclusive, it isn't my business.
Out of curiosity, are you male? I ask, because most men have this attitude. The problem is, most WOMEN believe they're the only ones men are dating and so, women think they're exclusive and the men are like, "no we're not". I'm seriously generalizing here, but there is truth in it.
I didn't do it to weed people out, but honestly, it showed their true colors. Your responses alone, although I understand where you're coming from, shows me we wouldn't be compatible. And if you felt it was a turn off and decided not to date me, I'd walk away knowing we both made the right decision. I need to live by my standards, you by yours.
That's all it really is about and that's why the OP needs to do whatever is aligned with her standards and beliefs. If she feels uncomfortable dating 3 guys at once, then she probably shouldn't do it. If she feels she needs to tell them, she should. If she feels it's none of their business, then okay.
And that's the reason why I ask for exclusivity. If I really like someone, I'd be stupid to knowingly share her with other men. Just like if a woman really likes me, she'd be dumb to not ask for exclusivity or at least define what we're doing.
Now, if a woman just outed herself by stating she's dating multiple men without me asking for that information; I would assume she's a blowhard. Any attraction I would have had would have likely dissipated.
But how does anyone know until they get 3-4 dates in? If people are in the dating scene, they might be going out with you this weekend but someone else last week and someone else the week after you. I don't think there's anything wrong with this really. You don't necessarily know after 2-3 hours with someone "Oh, I want a relationship with this person. Everyone else gets kicked to the gutter."
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
People like me, or they don't, I'm not battling for someone's affection and interest.
I don't think I've ever really misrepresented myself, but I'm a different person now than I was at 20, 25...I have a different outlook, different goals. I see no reason for pretense, artifice or dishonesty at all. Someone has to take to me for who and what I am, and that will require a special, patient and understanding person. No way can I try to be something I'm not. How could you keep that up? Why would you start out being dishonest?
But how does anyone know until they get 3-4 dates in? If people are in the dating scene, they might be going out with you this weekend but someone else last week and someone else the week after you. I don't think there's anything wrong with this really. You don't necessarily know after 2-3 hours with someone "Oh, I want a relationship with this person. Everyone else gets kicked to the gutter."
I don't think I've ever really misrepresented myself, but I'm a different person now than I was at 20, 25...I have a different outlook, different goals. I see no reason for pretense, artifice or dishonesty at all. Someone has to take to me for who and what I am, and that will require a special, patient and understanding person. No way can I try to be something I'm not. How could you keep that up? Why would you start out being dishonest?
I asked for dating exclusivity recently after date number 3. I'm not a person who dates around, because I have experience with it, and found myself doing more damage than what it was worth. I could care less about a relationship title or marriage, but I don't want to be exclusively seeing someone and they're not exclusively interested in seeing me. I can't help it, I'm still of the mindset that there's nothing sweeter than saying of all these other women I could date, I choose to see you exclusively, because you're worth the time and investment.
If I like them, I clearly don't want to date anyone else, and I would hope the same from them. I think this is how so many people end up hurt way down the road. They don't bring up their needs and what they ultimately want.
See, that's the problem. Unless you say that bolded line to the woman you're dating, it's not clear. You hope for the same, but you have no clue. However, I agree with your last line that I quoted, that's what needs to be said and/or brought up. Which in my experience, very few people do. Or let me rephrase that, very few people talk about it and speak the truth.
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