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Is it possible that someone could have a personality that makes them unlovable? I specifically mean someone that is happy with the way that they are and not looking to change themselves. But in every relationship, they are being asked to change?
Wouldn't it make sense that someone would love this person for who they are?
I know for me, they all dislike something about me. But this is a struggle because I am happy with me and have no desire to pretend to be someone else, just to be in a relationship. I am not good at change and jumping through hoops.
I tend to think there is someone for everyone, but there are people with personality disorders like BPD who definitely struggle. They think they are perfectly normal but their patterns of behaviour push people away.
Nobody should have to change who they are in order to be in a relationship, but if you're expecting that you never have to do anything differently or consider the other person's feelings or preferences, then that's unrealistic. It's not jumping through hoops, it's compromise and respect.
Nobody should have to change who they are in order to be in a relationship, but if you're expecting that you never have to do anything differently or consider the other person's feelings or preferences, then that's unrealistic. It's not jumping through hoops, it's compromise and respect.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
Is it possible that someone could have a personality that makes them unlovable? I specifically mean someone that is happy with the way that they are and not looking to change themselves. But in every relationship, they are being asked to change?
Wouldn't it make sense that someone would love this person for who they are?
I know for me, they all dislike something about me. But this is a struggle because I am happy with me and have no desire to pretend to be someone else, just to be in a relationship. I am not good at change and jumping through hoops.
I probably should just quit the soul searching.
I can imagine people saying a lot of things about my personality. Lovable is probably not one of them. Angry, closed off, disinterested, probably. But this is who I am and I have to be true to what I know.
Is it possible that someone could have a personality that makes them unlovable? I specifically mean someone that is happy with the way that they are and not looking to change themselves. But in every relationship, they are being asked to change?
Wouldn't it make sense that someone would love this person for who they are?
I know for me, they all dislike something about me. But this is a struggle because I am happy with me and have no desire to pretend to be someone else, just to be in a relationship. I am not good at change and jumping through hoops.
I probably should just quit the soul searching.
Well, you could be opinionated for example.
It wouldn't kill you to just be happy for the person who just bought a mustard colored cube car and keep OUR opinions to ourselves.
Nobody should have to change who they are in order to be in a relationship, but if you're expecting that you never have to do anything differently or consider the other person's feelings or preferences, then that's unrealistic.
It is not just unrealistic. It is selfish. And uncaring.
I could understand one wanting to avoid someone that has these feelings. No one wants a debbie downer.
But for me, I am generally happy-go-lucky, willing to go anywhere, low maintenance, kind, giving... I am open, and honest, and do not sugar coat anything. I will literally stop what I am doing to help anyone.
Almost a year ago I stopped being the one to initiate phone calls to friends, planning events and extending invitations. I just wanted to see who would seek me out. What I learned is I no longer need very many minutes on my phone.
Try to find someone with a similar disposition to your own, that's half the battle in finding a good match.
There is a difference between accommodating and full-on changing. If for instance, a guy wanted me to wear a particular kind of outfit for a specific event, I'd accommodate. If he wanted me to burn my wardrobe and replace it with his idea of suitable attire, that is the kind of 'change' where I draw the line.
I do believe there is potentially someone for everyone out there, the determining factor is how realistically we evaluate ourselves and how openmindedly we perceive others.
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It wouldn't kill you to just be happy for the person who just bought a mustard colored cube car and keep OUR opinions to ourselves.
That one I have no problems keeping my opinion to myself. Now if you tell me you are $80k in credit card debt and can't pay your bills, I will say "why are you still spending money on x, y and z?" I am not a sugar coater. But I do not offer my opinion unless you ask.
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