Saw more messages between BF and ex. He told her he wants them to be together... (boyfriends, women)
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You're right that have trust issues and need to stop snooping. I'm going to try as hard as I can to overcome it.
Now I've calmed down I feel a little better. I'm holding on to the fact that "he's happy with me" and think that's a good sign and does make me feel better. I'm not sure what he meant by "but it isn't that simple" after he told her he's happy with me as it's a very vague and confusing statement...
Hokie, you think he might still be in love with her. Obviously if he is that's a deal breaker for me, but the fact he wasn't exactly fighting for her to trying to convince her he'd do everything to make it up to her, it makes me think that no he can't be in love with her?
Trust issues?
You just found the dude saying he wants him and his ex to be together.
It's not you with trust issues. No way, if someone feels the need to look at their SO's phone and feels that way, it's usually for a reason. You found what you were looking for, don't let that slide.
Got an update folks. I've been keeping an eye on their contact.
I have good and bad news.
The bad news is their contact has become much more regular the last week or so. They've been talking everyday, really long text conversations, most of their talk about what they'd been up to, and random things like books, drama shows, etc. And the odd inside joke or two.
Now the good news. Yesterday she finally asked him about their conversation last week, clearly wishing for him to expand on what he said about him wanting them to be together. He said he was sorry he brought it up, that what he said was stupid and that he didn't mean it as it sounded. She clearly seemed annoyed/upset and he apologised to her again and said he isn't trying to toy with her emotions and that would be messed up, that he truly wasn't thinking about what he was saying at the time and implied that she took it the wrong way (that he wanted to get back together with her).
What are everyone's thoughts on this turn of events? This is definitely a good sign I need not worry, yeah? I definitely feel a lot more secure now.
I think I'm happy to stop looking at his phone now.
He's told her what he said to her (about wanting them to be together) wasn't how it sounded.
That's clearly him brushing her off, surely?
I honestly get why it was a worrying situation at first, I was really concerned that he wanted to get back together when I posted this thread last week, and I agreed with what you all had to say completely. I was seriously considering ending things... That's why I wanted to check the messages, to see if anything more would be there to confirm my decision to end it.
But now he's told her how he really feels and it's confirmed the messages he sent her weren't as bad as they seemed to us all.
I think I'm happy to stop looking at his phone now.
He's told her what he said to her (about wanting them to be together) wasn't how it sounded.
That's clearly him brushing her off, surely?
I honestly get why it was a worrying situation at first, I was really concerned that he wanted to get back together when I posted this thread last week, and I agreed with what you all had to say completely. I was seriously considering ending things... That's why I wanted to check the messages, to see if anything more would be there to confirm my decision to end it.
But now he's told her how he really feels and it's confirmed the messages he sent her weren't as bad as they seemed to us all.
I really hoped you all would be happy for me.
How can "I wish we were together" not mean what it says???? Bottom line: I think he's super shady.
I want to be happy for you.
It's hard to, though, because you're settling. You are accepting behavior that is absolutely unacceptable.
It feels like you're fooling yourself, and I can't support that.
The bad news is their contact has become much more regular the last week or so. They've been talking everyday, really long text conversations, most of their talk about what they'd been up to, and random things like books, drama shows, etc. And the odd inside joke or two.
Okay, I am happy for you if you found peace and won't feel the need to snoop anymore. I am happy for you if you can trust him now and sleep well at night.
Got an update folks. I've been keeping an eye on their contact.
I have good and bad news.
The bad news is their contact has become much more regular the last week or so. They've been talking everyday, really long text conversations, most of their talk about what they'd been up to, and random things like books, drama shows, etc. And the odd inside joke or two.
Now the good news. Yesterday she finally asked him about their conversation last week, clearly wishing for him to expand on what he said about him wanting them to be together. He said he was sorry he brought it up, that what he said was stupid and that he didn't mean it as it sounded. She clearly seemed annoyed/upset and he apologised to her again and said he isn't trying to toy with her emotions and that would be messed up, that he truly wasn't thinking about what he was saying at the time and implied that she took it the wrong way (that he wanted to get back together with her).
What are everyone's thoughts on this turn of events? This is definitely a good sign I need not worry, yeah? I definitely feel a lot more secure now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by trey101
I think I'm happy to stop looking at his phone now.
He's told her what he said to her (about wanting them to be together) wasn't how it sounded.
That's clearly him brushing her off, surely?
I honestly get why it was a worrying situation at first, I was really concerned that he wanted to get back together when I posted this thread last week, and I agreed with what you all had to say completely. I was seriously considering ending things... That's why I wanted to check the messages, to see if anything more would be there to confirm my decision to end it.
But now he's told her how he really feels and it's confirmed the messages he sent her weren't as bad as they seemed to us all.
I really hoped you all would be happy for me.
Don't let people tell you that you have trust issues. You suspected something, found what you suspected and that you were right. He is NOT the victim because you snooped lol. That's absolutely stupid. I don't know if some people are such idiots that they prefer living in bliss or what...
Now here, if you believe him... you've got no one to blame but yourself.
He has either already cheated on your with his ex, or will do it in the near future. That's on you. Evidence is clear as day. If you don't want to take information spoon fed to you, then there's nothing anyone can do to help you.
It's your life and your relationship. Who cares if strangers on the internet are happy for you or not? If you were my friend I wouldn't be happy for you because I think you're kidding yourself, but it's your choice. He's definitely having his cake and eating it too. He's with you, but he's also spending tons of time texting and chatting with her and whether he really wants to get back together with her or not, he SAID he did. So the thought was definitely on his mind. Can you really let this go? Or are you going to be wondering every time his phone beeps if he's chatting with her? If every time he you have a fight or you feel like he's being a little distant if he's thinking of being back with her?
In my opinion, if your relationship has any hope you need to come come clean with the snooping and talk this all out with him.
I think you are being VERY foolish and turning the other cheek WAY to easily, but I understand why.
You're in love and no one can tell you any different.
Good luck.
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They are just hot and cold. 
