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Old 03-19-2017, 06:45 PM
 
19 posts, read 14,762 times
Reputation: 31

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So I met this girl using the bumble app. We went on a date and really hit it off. We talked all the time whether it was on the phone, text, or at our university. She's a graduate student and works so her schedule is busy. We planned another date but she had to cancel since she was bombarded with school assignments. I figured no problem since that is to be expected with grad school. We reschedule for the following week when she was done work. I figured I'd be sweet and wish her and great day at work and she said thanks and all that. Later when I knew she was getting off from work I asked about our date later. No response. I didn't hear anything until about 8pm that night to which she apologized and said she had a hectic day. She told me that she doesn't think she can do this right now and seems to have trouble juggling her time. i texted her that I understand and I don't want to put any pressure on her and I am willing to hang out when she can. I haven't heard from her after that. It's been a couple days. Do you think this is a way of "letting me down easy" or do you think she is sincere with what she is saying?
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Old 03-19-2017, 06:50 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,633,957 times
Reputation: 24847
She is the only one that knows the truth.
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Old 03-19-2017, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,552,039 times
Reputation: 98359
I think she most likely is letting you down easy.

I have skipped midterm exams and final project presentations because I was spending time with a guy I liked. If she wants to be with you, you will know.

Just let it go and move on to the next one.
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Old 03-19-2017, 07:41 PM
 
1,278 posts, read 1,107,368 times
Reputation: 4004
I think that what ends up happening often is that, as much as people want to meet other people and then go on dating sites to meet people, they don't always take into account the amount of time that they need to put aside to put into dating. And once they find someone to talk to on a site, they panic a little at the thought of having to "find the time", especially if they have been out of the dating scene for a while. So I think this girl in your case came to the realization that, as much as she wants a companion in her life, it's not the right time right now because she has filled all of her time with other things and she's not sure she can figure it out right now.

Is that a smart way to go? No. But is it a common problem in online dating? I think it's more common than people realize. That's why I don't think you should take it personally.
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Old 03-19-2017, 07:47 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,847 posts, read 52,242,349 times
Reputation: 52309
At least she had the decency to try and let you down easy. Some posters here think that it's ok to kick someone to the curb citing movie incompatibility as the reason to be dumped. I think I'd prefer a softer approach myself.
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Old 03-19-2017, 07:59 PM
 
1,026 posts, read 1,507,674 times
Reputation: 859
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiGal7 View Post
I think that what ends up happening often is that, as much as people want to meet other people and then go on dating sites to meet people, they don't always take into account the amount of time that they need to put aside to put into dating. And once they find someone to talk to on a site, they panic a little at the thought of having to "find the time", especially if they have been out of the dating scene for a while. So I think this girl in your case came to the realization that, as much as she wants a companion in her life, it's not the right time right now because she has filled all of her time with other things and she's not sure she can figure it out right now.

Is that a smart way to go? No. But is it a common problem in online dating? I think it's more common than people realize. That's why I don't think you should take it personally.
that's true, at least for me, being an introvert and loner.

but, people will also say they're not looking, or don't have "time" for a relationship, and suddenly get "busy", but then as soon as they stop seeing you, they turn around and get into a real "relationship". so I guess they did have time.
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Old 03-19-2017, 08:32 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,057 posts, read 106,854,652 times
Reputation: 115805
Wait until mid-week, then text her to ask how she's doing, and if she might have some time to get a quick dinner, or see you on the weekend. Let's see....she either just had her spring break this last week, or her spring break starts tomorrow, so she should have a good chunk of time open up, OP. Or if spring break was last week, then you know she's not into you. Anyone can spare at least a lunch or dinner break for a cool guy they met, if they're on school break.
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Old 03-19-2017, 09:00 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,382,270 times
Reputation: 6030
I'd say it's probably a combination of both, but moreso that she's not into you, unfortunately.

If she was, even with her supposed difficult schedule (which I'm not doubting since she's in grad school), she'd still try to see you when she could.

What I've realized now that I'm getting older, is that if someone likes you, they'll make time for you. If not, they won't. More often than not, it's really that simple.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiGal7 View Post
I think that what ends up happening often is that, as much as people want to meet other people and then go on dating sites to meet people, they don't always take into account the amount of time that they need to put aside to put into dating. And once they find someone to talk to on a site, they panic a little at the thought of having to "find the time", especially if they have been out of the dating scene for a while. So I think this girl in your case came to the realization that, as much as she wants a companion in her life, it's not the right time right now because she has filled all of her time with other things and she's not sure she can figure it out right now.

Is that a smart way to go? No. But is it a common problem in online dating? I think it's more common than people realize. That's why I don't think you should take it personally.
Agreed. I always say to myself that if you don't have time to date, why are you on a dating app/site? They have to know going in that they'd need to make at least some time to date someone else. You can't expect the other person to just be alright with being a closer pen pal.

I also don't think this is just exclusive to online dating. I met a girl once IRL, talked, sensed chemistry, and got her number. Every time I asked her out, she'd ALWAYS have something going on, but yet, could text me all day. Eventually I just gave up and realized that even if she is busy, I clearly wasn't a priority.

Last edited by NewYorker11356; 03-19-2017 at 09:24 PM..
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