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Old 03-21-2017, 12:38 PM
 
405 posts, read 240,075 times
Reputation: 193

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Nightsong View Post
No real commitment in what the OP is talking about

Not trying to bait u either

what do you mean no real commitment?. because I Don't want kids with them or get married, or live with them?. regardless of those things i feel two people can still be committed to each other.
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Old 03-21-2017, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,054,130 times
Reputation: 38266
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
You're not wrong at all.

What's the deal with everyone's obsession with "commitment"? Seriously, I want to know.
My obsession in this case is about vocabulary. I don't like when people take an existing word and try to pretend it means something other than what it means.

OP (and you) are entitled to try to find whatever relationship you want - whether you'll find it is a different story but besides the point.

What I object to is taking something that doesn't fit the definition of a "committed relationship" yet calling it that. Why bother? Stop pretending it's something that it's not. If you don't want to be in what is commonly understood to be a committed relationship, then be in whatever you want, and call it something else besides a term that is already in use with a different meaning.
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Old 03-21-2017, 12:43 PM
 
405 posts, read 240,075 times
Reputation: 193
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Never said it wasn't a relationship, but going into it saying that the other person is free to move on if they realize they do actually want more isn't a commitment.

yes, marriages and "permanent" commitments do end, but that's not the same thing as not even wanting that up front.

Again, I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to get the relationship(s) that you want, just that serial monogamy isn't the same thing as a committed relationship. And that's all you are suggesting, not happily ever after, for better or for worse, etc. Those commitments don't have to be in a marriage, they just have to be mutually agreed to - but they don't come along with
I understand that people change their minds as they grow, I am not changing my mind on those three things and while I will be committed to my partner, if she wants to move on and explore other things, I will understand her wishes and let her go, i know what i am asking of a partner is not easy. if we both mutually agree to be in a loving relationship without those three things, than what makes our relationship any different than anyone else's?.
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Old 03-21-2017, 12:46 PM
 
405 posts, read 240,075 times
Reputation: 193
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
The other person would be free to move on technically even if it wasn't stated.

What OP is saying in what you quoted is there is a high likelihood that a woman may change her mind once the biological clock rears its ugly head and will want to bounce away from a guy who doesn't want the kids lifestyle.

thank you for clarifying that!
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Old 03-21-2017, 12:50 PM
 
405 posts, read 240,075 times
Reputation: 193
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
My obsession in this case is about vocabulary. I don't like when people take an existing word and try to pretend it means something other than what it means.

OP (and you) are entitled to try to find whatever relationship you want - whether you'll find it is a different story but besides the point.

What I object to is taking something that doesn't fit the definition of a "committed relationship" yet calling it that. Why bother? Stop pretending it's something that it's not. If you don't want to be in what is commonly understood to be a committed relationship, then be in whatever you want, and call it something else besides a term that is already in use with a different meaning.
oh okay, sorry if that bothered you, I want to be in a committed relationship so that is why I am using those words, it would just be an unconventional one is all I am saying.
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Old 03-21-2017, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,054,130 times
Reputation: 38266
If you set up an online dating profile or you meet someone in person and you say you are looking for a committed relationship, do you think they understand that you mean that even into the future, there will be no babies, no living together, no marriage? If you have to explain what you mean, then why not use a term that is better understood by the person you are communicating with? Why not say something like you are looking for an unconventional relationship and here's what you mean by that.
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Old 03-21-2017, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,926,983 times
Reputation: 27684
I know lots of women who don't want kids. That's not uncommon. I think your other wants will be more difficult. MOST people, male or female are looking for a life partner. A person to share their life with. Living together, married or not, is usually a direct result of that desire.

It's going to be difficult to find someone who is just willing to be a now and then lover. Whenever it's convenient for you. And you expect this person to be monogamous and not pursue other relationships. You are saying you don't have much to give but you want to be treated just the same as a partner in a committed LTR. You want the benefits but you don't want to do the work. What you are describing is a FWB type relationship but there usually is no promise of fidelity.

I agree with the others who said part of the problem is age. Usually women interested in that type of relationship are older and have no desire to do the wife thing again. But still few of those women will be willing to give you the kind of commitment you desire. They will also seek other partners.
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Old 03-21-2017, 01:21 PM
 
524 posts, read 570,618 times
Reputation: 1093
I think your 30's are going to be kind of sad, unless you are fine with relationships lasting about 6 months. There may be a unicorn out there who will accept or want this kind of relationship, but I have never met a women in her 20's or 30's who wanted this long term.

In your 40's and beyond I think you will have more luck, if you are dating close to your age. The biological clock would have stopped ticking and women who had children young will be finished raising children. They will be established and maybe a little stuck in their ways, so marriage and even cohabitation might not have the same appeal.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 03-21-2017, 01:44 PM
 
405 posts, read 240,075 times
Reputation: 193
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
If you set up an online dating profile or you meet someone in person and you say you are looking for a committed relationship, do you think they understand that you mean that even into the future, there will be no babies, no living together, no marriage? If you have to explain what you mean, then why not use a term that is better understood by the person you are communicating with? Why not say something like you are looking for an unconventional relationship and here's what you mean by that.

that is a good way to look at it, thank you for the suggestion, that does make sense.
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Old 03-21-2017, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,054,130 times
Reputation: 38266
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimBrown333 View Post
that is a good way to look at it, thank you for the suggestion, that does make sense.
btw, if I were reading an online dating profile and someone said they wanted an unconventional relationship, that would intrigue me enough to keep reading to see what they meant by that. I might not want what they describe, but your profile may at least get read more!
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