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Just because you're loyal, don't assume the other person is. Have the conversation ahead of time about for better OR WORSE and what that entails. In other words, under what "or worse" scenario would a person leave you? Joblessness, infidelity, addiction, depression? Do premarital counseling to help figure these things out. Don't ignore red flags, make a note of them. Don't expect that if there's something the other isn't doing that you really need them to do that it will get better after saying "I do". It only gets worse.
If you have problems in your marriage, kids aren't going to improve them.
If the sex isn't good enough or often enough, it probably won't change after marriage.
Don't assume your prospective spouse will change for the better after marriage.
Don't assume your prospective spouse won't change for the worse after marriage.
Have a prenup if you have assets.
If all your friends and family hate your prospective spouse, there's probably a good reason.
The golden rule applies.
1. Wait until you're at least 25, if not older.
2. Kids change everything.
3. If you hate his/her family or they hate you, don't get married.
4. Kids change everything.
5. If you are not 100% committed to caring for and supporting (emotional/social/mental/and yes, sometimes financial) person for the rest of your life, don't get married.
6. People change and grow - you will have to be able to change and grow together. If you expect your spouse to be the exact same person at 40 that they were at 25, you will both be unhappy.
7. Kids change everything.
Someone sent me an anonymous comment that 1, 4, and 7 should have "and not for the better" after them.
No. I am not saying that kids change things for the worse. I am saying kids change things. Period.
If you expect your married life to be the same after kids as it was before, you will be disappointed. If you expect your married life to be the same as it was after one kid when you have 2, 3, 4, etc., then you will be disappointed. Some people (apparently) think having kids makes things worse (how sad for your kids!); I'm just saying having kids makes things different.
1. Wait until you're at least 25, if not older.
2. Kids change everything.
3. If you hate his/her family or they hate you, don't get married.
4. Kids change everything.
5. If you are not 100% committed to caring for and supporting (emotional/social/mental/and yes, sometimes financial) person for the rest of your life, don't get married.
6. People change and grow - you will have to be able to change and grow together. If you expect your spouse to be the exact same person at 40 that they were at 25, you will both be unhappy.
7. Kids change everything.
Someone sent me an anonymous comment that 1, 4, and 7 should have "and not for the better" after them.
No. I am not saying that kids change things for the worse. I am saying kids change things. Period.
If you expect your married life to be the same after kids as it was before, you will be disappointed. If you expect your married life to be the same as it was after one kid when you have 2, 3, 4, etc., then you will be disappointed. Some people (apparently) think having kids makes things worse (how sad for your kids!); I'm just saying having kids makes things different.
It might sound harsh but the reality is a lot of people if they could do it all over again would opt to not have children. Just because someone makes a good spouse, doesn't automatically mean they're going to make a good mother/father. Not to mention the sacrifice that comes with the mother having to prioritize with the child's time and attention that the spouse will no longer get and it's even worse if she works outside the home.
A lot of people have kids simply because it's deemed what you're suppose to do but people really need to be honest with themselves and who they're in a relationship with and decide if bring children into the equation is really the right thing to do. Often times the discussion isn't thought about until it's too late and the kid/s are already there. Also if the kid is special needs, that's a whole other ball game that drastically changes things. Are someone who plans for 1 kid end up having multiples and I don't think anyone should be made to feel guilty for their feelings and I actually wish more people were honest about just how much of an impact children have on marriages and not always for the best but they know they will be crucified and how dare them not love their children when it's so much more to it than that.
This is one of the reasons why I decided to end things with my ex because he's away for work a lot and I was not going to raise children practically alone. Him being away a lot doesn't bother me but I know if I'm home with a baby, I'm going to resent him not being there to help. I also agree with those who mentioned family which is another reason I ended things because we're from different cultures and I decided I don't want to go through the hassle of his family disapproving and I didn't want to wait and see if they'd come around later. As it's been stated most things only change for the worse after the fact.
Nothing really...
By the time I decided marriage was something I was going to do I had already heard others stories, theories and opinions ad nauseam
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