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This is why I don't set people up nor do I like being set up because it can be a mental disconnect because the choice was ultimately made by someone else and not you. For example
OP's friend decided they should meet, not really a choice made by OP just something she agreed to do.
Now the guy is saying they're in a relationship, again another choice being made by someone else and not the OP so now she feels disconnected because during this whole process, nothing has really been decided by her so she doesn't really even know if this is something she wants or not because again she hasn't had the opportunity to actually make the decision as the others involved are making the decisions for her.
So I get it in retrospect due to the nature of how this started out, however I still believe it wouldn't really be an issue if OP was into the guy. But this is why I've always liked meeting people on my own terms and organically that way I could control the flow of how things progressed. OP maybe you should opt to not have people fix you up as that doesn't seem to be an approach that you're comfortable with.
I don't get the single posters here. This OP has major prob that the guy seem to be into her. And I read a lot of thread where the female was annoyed their guys are not making plans for the future trip.
And here OP's guy is including her in his future trips and now is a red flag?
Holy sht people that's why you all are single. NOTHING is alright with you. WTF already. Geez louise.
WOW. Sorry I just can't...
I.......can't!
REALLY missing the point! He doesn't even know her well enough yet, to know if he wants to take a trip with her, like--whether she has a compatible personality long-term, and most importantly: whether SHE wants to take a trip with HIM, or whether she even likes him enough to date him past the end of the month.
We call this the "too much too soon" rule. He either has a hidden agenda, or he lacks basic good sense and is needy. Not to mention the fact that he makes HUGE assumptions about her, the types of trips she likes to take, her availability in August, etc. Very presumptuous. He never even asked her about the trip. Instead, he announced it to his buddy, as if the decision were a fait accomplis
OP, this is strange. And it raises the "too much too soon" red flag. Back away slowly. Or run. Your call.
I just don't really understand how you can decide that you want a relationship with someone after meeting them once. I guess that's part of why the flag kind of went up for me.
Absolutely. This is why so many relationships don't work out; someone (or both people) decided way prematurely that they wanted a relationship, before they knew anything about each other's character and nature. Usually, this involves projecting qualities onto each other that are their ideal qualities they want in a mate. When they discover that the person they're with is a completely different person than they'd imagined them to be, stuff hits the fan.
Granted, on rare occasion something like that works out, but it's not a good idea for most people meeting for the first time.
You can tell him, if the topic comes up again, that you don't like camping, you don't do camping. Period. See how he reacts. If he bulldozes right over you, enthusing about how much you'll love it, it means he's a terrible listener and is too full of himself to be able to have a successful relationship with anyone, probably, but certainly not with you.
This is why I don't set people up nor do I like being set up because it can be a mental disconnect because the choice was ultimately made by someone else and not you. For example
OP's friend decided they should meet, not really a choice made by OP just something she agreed to do.
Now the guy is saying they're in a relationship, again another choice being made by someone else and not the OP so now she feels disconnected because during this whole process, nothing has really been decided by her so she doesn't really even know if this is something she wants or not because again she hasn't had the opportunity to actually make the decision as the others involved are making the decisions for her.
So I get it in retrospect due to the nature of how this started out, however I still believe it wouldn't really be an issue if OP was into the guy. But this is why I've always liked meeting people on my own terms and organically that way I could control the flow of how things progressed. OP maybe you should opt to not have people fix you up as that doesn't seem to be an approach that you're comfortable with.
Agreed.
It's like when a girl likes a guy a lot, the guy can then pretty much do no wrong in her eyes, lol.
As of now, the OP is not into the guy. That's not to say it can't change, but as of now, she doesn't.
REALLY missing the point! He doesn't even know her well enough yet, to know if he wants to take a trip with her, like--whether she has a compatible personality long-term, and most importantly: whether SHE wants to take a trip with HIM, or whether she even likes him enough to date him past the end of the month.
We call this the "too much too soon" rule. He either has a hidden agenda, or he lacks basic good sense and is needy. Not to mention the fact that he makes HUGE assumptions about her, the types of trips she likes to take, her availability in August, etc. Very presumptuous. He never even asked her about the trip. Instead, he announced it to his buddy, as if the decision were a fait accomplis
OP, this is strange. And it raises the "too much too soon" red flag. Back away slowly. Or run. Your call.
Granted, sometimes when I'm on a 1st date or texting a girl I met via OLD, I may joke around and say something like "maybe in the future, I can take you there" when describing travel locations I've been to with a smirk.
But, I wouldn't actually seriously try to plan something. The guy has only been on 1 date with the OP. Now, I get that some couples formed and are married and knew right away, but that's still often the minority.
Does he know his 'friend' is telling you every word he says about you? Maybe he'd be mad or embarrassed, because he was giving the friend an idea of how much he liked you and didn't know she'd be repeating everything.
The first time I saw my ex-husband he was running past at night into a fire, I looked at my new college roommate and said: "there goes the man I'm going to marry one day." We probably wouldn't have had a first date if she needed to run to him and tell him. It was just an expression of 'wow'...that's it.
This guy likes camping, he tells his friend he's wants to go camping with you.
What if your response to your friend's updates was "ugh" and she turned around and told him, and he quit calling you? You might want to tell him what your friend has told you, so he can know better than to be made a fool of, AND what if it's not even true?
I don't get the single posters here. This OP has major prob that the guy seem to be into her. And I read a lot of thread where the female was annoyed their guys are not making plans for the future trip.
And here OP's guy is including her in his future trips and now is a red flag?
Holy sht people that's why you all are single. NOTHING is alright with you. WTF already. Geez louise.
WOW. Sorry I just can't...
I.......can't!
Assuming the OP is his gf after one date? Yeah, that is a red flag. A huge one. He's already marking his territory without asking her how she feels about him. Jealous, possessive and insecure are 3 adjectives that come to mind.
Can't speak for the OP, but as someone who strives for as independent a life as possible, I'd be putting my foot down with him for assuming too much too soon. My last "relationship " if you can call it that, was with a guy who has narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies, and the OP's date's behavior reminds me of everything I've read about "love bombing," that coming on strong behavior once they've targeted someone. I know it when I see it because I had it done to me, by a "nice guy" who feigned being extremely interested in me, but turned out to be a compulsive liar and serial cheater. He used to tell me he felt an "instant connection" with me from the moment he saw me the very first time.
*barf*
Posts like the OP's can be so triggering for me, but it's good, because it means my head is still on the right place if that type of behavior still disgusts me.
And stop saying being single is a bad thing. I run my own show completely, don't need anyone's approval, I can pick up and go out of town for a day by myself without having to "check in" with someone else first, don't have to worry about some guy being jealous of the male half of my social life, and I am asexual, so I don't need "that" either. I also don't have to deal with a guy playing BS mind games with me, or twisting my brain into mental knots like so many OP's here trying to figure out what this behavior or those words mean. Life's too short for that kind of unnecessary stress. Best thing a person can do for their overall mental and emotional health is to completely stop being fixated on being "in a relationship" and their own status in that regard.
Last edited by ContraPagan; 03-23-2017 at 01:33 AM..
I agree with the OP and others that he seems like he is jumping the gun A LOT after just three dates, particularly with the text after the first date saying he wants to take the OP camping when she says she isn't into bugs.
Some people get so fixated on this idea of being in a relationship that they don't actually look at the person in question to see if he or she actually has the same interests. They're blazing ahead at 70mph while the other party hasn't even bought the tickets yet, much less gotten on the train.
I have a talent for meeting the crazies who have said these kinds of things in the past and I wasn't even aware I was in a place where I could even buy tickets! These people then go on to tell you that your mutual friends dislike/hate you when you don't show the type of affection they want.
Just tell him to slow down a little.... see how it goes
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