I have a suggestion for the ladies of C-D. (dates, men, attracted)
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I think that was MoonBeam's point though, that being on the other end isn't a great experience either. We can argue all day long about what is "worse", no messages or lots of spam, so by giving the complainant the very experience that they claim makes online dating so "easy" for women, they might realise that it isn't in fact easy for us either.
I'm not complaining. It's the lay of the land. She left out a critical point that I made though. As a man, you need to be interesting. You need to seem attractive. And I'll add, you need to be clever or better than "sup." However, even personalizing your messages is no guarantee they'll even respond.
I'm not complaining. It's the lay of the land. She left out a critical point that I made though. As a man, you need to be interesting. You need to seem attractive. And I'll add, you need to be clever or better than "sup." However, even personalizing your messages is no guarantee they'll even respond.
I would like to think that men, too, want a woman who is interesting, attractive and who knows how to hold a conversation
I will admit though that MANY of the messages I receive are from men who appear to be completely incompatible (I do actually take the time to read a profile before deciding whether to respond). It seems that some do only care about the photos - I wish it was different and they were pickier before deciding to message me.
I don't do OLD, but I know that sleazy come-ons totally make me feel great about myself, and not at all like a bucket of cold slime has been dumped over my head and I want to go hide. Some guys sure are great about telling women how we feel about things.
I don't do OLD, but I've gotten stupid messages on my social media accounts. I find it annoying and ignorant. Some guys think we are being holier than thou when we say it doesn't have any positive effect on us, but it just shows they can't see past their own views. They probably think they'd feel flattered by all the "attention" so they assume we would be too.
Guys send out a bunch of messages to different females and they likely have no type of thought or content to them, so why be flattered by that? It's completely ridiculous.
Thank you. That's my favorite, I went online for 30 seconds to read a message bc I received an email that I had a new POF message. 30 seconds out of 24 hours, and while reading that message I had an incoming that was: "still fishing huh? You are one picky btch "
Boy did my ego inflate! I was strutting around like a peacock. Someone's watching me real close, aren't I special?
I got a lot of that.
I locked my car doors after sitting there in the dark after work one night, creeped out reading message after message about how I didn't respond, I must be out with someone now, and that's good since I'm "an ugly old btch" who can go "spread my legs for someone else." Similar after I said it wasn't going to work to a guy who was way too enthused, I don't like posessiveness and being watched.
I'll find the message and paste it here for my humble brag about how every psycho wants me.
It's so much better for women, some of us get 5 more messages after 'goodbye' in case we'd like to argue about it. That's why I read my messages, I was looking for someone to argue with...? No, a guy with his wife looking for a "3rd'? That's what I aspire to, being someone's 3rd. No names necessary.
Lots and lots of messages. I am now so validated I won't be going back.
*ETA: These 40% or so were enough to make it too irritating or overwhelming, there were some nice guys I probably missed out on, and a few I met--I understand that, it just wasn't worth the hassle of what has to be waded through.
This is why I no longer like to use anything besides Tinder (although I'm not using it right now). If I were to get on OKC or POF, I'm sure I would get nasty messages from men about how I've been doing OLD for years yet I'm still single. It's like, "Ok thanks, but I'm still not interested in you."
Aw, I'm glad my point struck home enough for you to write a whole post about it.
The fact of the matter is, women receive much more attention than men in OLD. If you truly believe it doesn't affect your sense of self, or that you don't give guys the time of day that you actually might have in real life, well then more power to you.
So, Red, you'd be totally flattered by dozens of messages from women you were completely uninterested in?
This is interesting. I was in a relationship with a guy I met on OKC. He had a pretty decent experience before we met. He received messages, went on several dates, and dated a woman for a few months, whom he also met on OKC. Then we dated, and things ended. He joined OKC again and was surprised by the lack of messages he was receiving. Like, really at a loss, and when we talked about it he revealed he received messages, but "didn't care about those" because he wasn't attracted to or interested in them. I think most would say he was an above average-looking guy. A guy accustomed to dating attractive women may not even "see" the messages he receives that may not be matches. They aren't even on his radar.
And he's not the only one. I've spoken to other men who had similar experiences. When they say "no messages," what they really mean is "no messages from the women I'm into." I guess messages from undesirable women counts as "no messages."
I'm not complaining. It's the lay of the land. She left out a critical point that I made though. As a man, you need to be interesting. You need to seem attractive. And I'll add, you need to be clever or better than "sup." However, even personalizing your messages is no guarantee they'll even respond.
The consensus is, women don't need to seem all that interesting to get messages and attention. Some dudes will hit up just any woman, whether she's a match or not, if they even care about actual matches. However, to get actual, good quality matches, serious interests, they need to be at least somewhat interesting as well. The attractive women don't have to be interesting to get attention. Attention will come to them with little effort, but being interesting still helps in attracting quality matches.
The dynamics are different for men. Most men have to put in considerable effort just to be noticed. They have to stand out, and if not their looks, their writing skills. It also makes sense for both men and women who may have a specific type to craft their profile to maximize interest in said type. You have to market yourself to your desired demographics. That just seems like common sense to me.
Not surprising, all of my best, highest matches, had the best profiles. They were clever, witty, funny, engaging, intriguing, etc. These men, many of them average-looking, had pretty decent experiences. They knew how to attract their type.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Summer_Rain
I would like to think that men, too, want a woman who is interesting, attractive and who knows how to hold a conversation
I will admit though that MANY of the messages I receive are from men who appear to be completely incompatible (I do actually take the time to read a profile before deciding whether to respond). It seems that some do only care about the photos - I wish it was different and they were pickier before deciding to message me.
I think a lot of them do. They definitely aren't all bad. I met and dated some great guys. They were looking for actual matches, too.
Why do women keep going back to OLD, knowing they get nothing but lewd crazy AF creepy messages?
Because that is not true. MOST of the messages are, in fact, not worth responding to. Not ALL. At least for the first few weeks. I firmly believe that there is this population of wacko men online, that just paw through the listings every night and send the most crass, wacko messages they can think of. Honestly maybe some of them are so off-kilter that they don't even see anything wrong with the messages that they are sending. Unfortunately this is *mostly* a male thing. Most gals just don't think that way (I sure don't), we don't send out a net of nonsense to see what gets caught. Men have always chased, women have always been pursued. It's been that way forever, and I don't see it changing. Yeah it's not as one-sided these days, but still, generally the guys are after the girls. It's nature. It's biology (unless of course you are gay!! ). I suppose that there is a huge population of men that are fairly desperate to find a lady, and the OLD venue provides them with an outlet for their desperation. Just like the guy hitting on you in the bar that won't go away.
However, as someone that did pretty much nothing but OLD, for 7 years, I know that there absolutely are some gems out there online. I had several long-term relationships with guys I met via OLD. I've been with my current fella for 7+ years now. My sister has met two great men on-line, and honestly one of them is just any woman's dream (IMHO of course! ).
I think it's just the tiresome perusing though the crap that turns so many off. But if you have the determination to stick it out, there are truly some great guys out there.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 03-25-2017 at 09:35 AM..
So acting like a douchbag back is the way to get this fixed??????
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I know right? All the OP's idea does is lower anyone who does it to the level of those sending the offending messages.
Both of you completely missed the point. See Summer Rain's post #8.
The ladies on here get it.
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Unfortunately this is *mostly* a male thing. Most gals just don't think that way (I sure don't), we don't send out a net of nonsense to see what gets caught. Men have always chased, women have always been pursued. It's been that way forever, and I don't see it changing. Yeah it's not as one-sided these days, but still, generally the guys are after the girls. It's nature. It's biology (unless of course you are gay!!
). I suppose that there is a huge population of men that are fairly desperate to find a lady, and the OLD venue provides them with an outlet for their desperation. Just like the guy hitting on you in the bar that won't go away. 
).
