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Old 04-03-2017, 06:29 PM
 
28 posts, read 13,474 times
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I didnt mean distance myself from her. No I love my wife, very much. I meant distancing myself from the situation.
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Old 04-03-2017, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by aroadtraveledoften View Post
I didnt mean distance myself from her. No I love my wife, very much. I meant distancing myself from the situation.
Oops LOL

Well, is that the way you would want HER to react if you were going through something like this?

What does "distancing yourself" entail, in your mind? And why is that your instinct right now?
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Old 04-03-2017, 08:34 PM
 
28 posts, read 13,474 times
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I feel like I would make the situation worse, if I dont distance myself I feel like I will bring it up and confront. I have a habbit of not holding things back. This situation makes me wonder, and I feel like she put herself in it. I would never be in this spot because I dont give women the time of day if they arent part of my family. But that is just how I am, my wife is a whole nother story. Should I not feel offended that she liked this guy, how should I react to her being a little jealous?
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Old 04-03-2017, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by aroadtraveledoften View Post
I feel like I would make the situation worse, if I dont distance myself I feel like I will bring it up and confront. I have a habbit of not holding things back. This situation makes me wonder, and I feel like she put herself in it. I would never be in this spot because I dont give women the time of day if they arent part of my family. But that is just how I am, my wife is a whole nother story. Should I not feel offended that she liked this guy, how should I react to her being a little jealous?
In my opinion, your situation is VERY tricky because of your personal history with your previous ex.

You SHOULD feel offended, of course, but not necessarily threatened. How you should react depends on your goal and also on what motivates HER.

Is it possible for you to pursue counseling with your VA benefits? I really would look into it (individual and marital) because I think that this is super complicated. She does seem to be torn, and you aren't sure which way to go, but having a place where you could be guided by a pro while you both say things you might not want to say to each other would be valuable at this point.
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:03 AM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 627,320 times
Reputation: 1157
[quote=aroadtraveledoften;47663787]
Quote:
What should I do, am overacting, should I continue to ignore the situation. Keep trusting her blindly or should i go through her phone and question her. I am at a loss. I feel I should ignore the situation just to keep the marriage where its at. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Find a marriage counselor TODAY!
I can only say what my 2nd wife and I did. We studied a few relationship books and learned to communicate much better than in our 1st failed unions so we had a very good, friendly, respectful, loyal and trusting marriage by learning and DOING what the relationship books taught us. In reading the other posts here, I see that you and your wife DO NOT have good, healthy communications. This other guy is NOT the problem! Bad communication between you and your wife, who should be your very best friend, is the entire problem here and it'll get worse no matter who she becomes attracted to UNLESS you get some help to fix the huge, unhealthy communication gap between you and her. Threatening her friends is not going to bring her closer to you! Her outside interests are NOT THE PROBLEM. The gap between both of you is the problem so go find a counselor to help you learn how to talk about things, ASAP.

Last edited by jimrich; 04-04-2017 at 01:18 AM..
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