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Old 04-11-2017, 10:15 AM
TKO
 
Location: On the Border
4,153 posts, read 4,264,750 times
Reputation: 3287

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gretchen963 View Post
Well...to be fair, they've been together for 3 years, and he STILL hasn't managed to give her an orgasm yet. However, that hasn't stopped him from getting his release whenever they have sex. So...who's really boring who here?

Instead of complaining about his girl, I think the OP needs to accept some of the responsibility, as he obviously doesn't have mad skillz in the bedroom, or he would've been able to satisfy her as least once by now.
It's hard for some women to get off during the normal course of events (some men too) and our OP shouldn't be shy about introducing toys into the equation. They can make for a really good time, for both sides.

 
Old 04-11-2017, 10:25 AM
 
1,659 posts, read 1,250,934 times
Reputation: 3615
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKO View Post
It's hard for some women to get off during the normal course of events (some men too) and our OP shouldn't be shy about introducing toys into the equation. They can make for a really good time, for both sides.
Oh, I agree.

But after three years of no satisfaction for his lady, he's gotta own up and admit he shares part of the blame here.
 
Old 04-11-2017, 11:51 AM
 
1,199 posts, read 728,455 times
Reputation: 1547
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Wise words.
Why? Why is a man automatically a superficial pig if he is not happy that his previously not obese girlfriend is now obese?


Of course there is a visual aspect. Nothing wrong with that.


But like I previously said, getting fat, in and of itself is unattractive. Laziness, compulsion, lack of motivation to improve yourself, etc.


AND the OP is trying to stay with her and help her thin back down. If he only cared on a superficial level, he'd probably have left.


It's a hilariously common trope that as soon as a guy comes on the internet complaining that his girlfriend got fat and he's not sure what to do to just call him superficial. Please. There's more to becoming a slob than the physical and ALL of it is unattractive.
 
Old 04-11-2017, 11:52 AM
 
1,199 posts, read 728,455 times
Reputation: 1547
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
OK. Thin people can be unhealthy too. I'm just saying let's stop with the "he cares about her health" crap and admit this is a purely visual thing. If he wants to fire his fat girlfriend, he should just admit it.
Sure they can. But that's not this situation. She clearly is letting herself go, smashing pizzas regularly and refusing to work out or be active. All things that are extremely unattractive traits.
 
Old 04-11-2017, 12:01 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetie789 View Post
I'm not great at sharing everything with her, and she usually shuts down and ignores me) and are currently going to couples counseling (not sure how much progress we've made).

I talked with a close friend and he said that next therapy session, we obviously need to discuss this
. He also said that I should be fully honest and disclose the other reasons (weight and motivation) even though it might hurt a lot. Does that sound right? The therapy session isn't until the end of the week, how do I handle this before then? I mentioned communication issues above, and it's an issue for both of us.
.
Does it sound right that you discussed your sex life honestly and in detail with your friend but not your girlfriend and counselor, and he suggested you tell them?

Yeah, that sounds right, good thing you have a friend who can tell you that you need to discuss your actual problems at your weekly couples counseling sessions. That way the two of you can move towards resolving your issues.

What the hell have you been doing there?
 
Old 04-11-2017, 12:05 PM
 
1,659 posts, read 1,250,934 times
Reputation: 3615
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18 View Post
She clearly is letting herself go, smashing pizzas regularly and refusing to work out or be active. All things that are extremely unattractive traits.
He's using her weight as an excuse to justify his lack of skills in the bedroom. She could be a perfectly proportioned women, but if he isn't paying attention to what revs her engine, he's still going to be in this same exact situation.
 
Old 04-11-2017, 12:08 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18 View Post
Sure they can. But that's not this situation. She clearly is letting herself go, smashing pizzas regularly and refusing to work out or be active. All things that are extremely unattractive traits.
You must have read a different original post and thread, the one about obese women smashing pizzas and letting themselves go, over at the 'Why Wimmenz Ruin Life' subforum at manosphere blog. None of the events and descriptions you list appear in the OP and they aren't even hyperbole, just some things going on in your own head.
 
Old 04-11-2017, 12:35 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18 View Post
Why? Why is a man automatically a superficial pig if he is not happy that his previously not obese girlfriend is now obese?
.
He never said she's obese. He just said she'd gained weight. Hyperbole, much?
 
Old 04-11-2017, 12:42 PM
 
Location: My House
34,937 posts, read 36,163,891 times
Reputation: 26547
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18 View Post
Sure they can. But that's not this situation. She clearly is letting herself go, smashing pizzas regularly and refusing to work out or be active. All things that are extremely unattractive traits.
People in a caring relationship want to get to the bottom of whatever problem. Be it poor bedroom performance or overeating.

People who love one another don't dump on a partner because he/she has gained some weight or developed inappropriate eating habits. They get to the bottom of what's driving this behavior.

Sure, people who overeat can be less attractive, but it's really superficial to be with someone, have them gain weight, and just blame whatever problems or deficiencies you have on something like weight gain.

I assume the OP's GF has not gone from supermodel to Jabba the Hutt, so let's not be dramatic.

He may not like the extra lbs on her, but if he loves her, he'll still be trying to perform reasonably in the bedroom AND trying to sort out how to get her eating healthier and moving more.

Maybe she's depressed and needs therapy? I haven't read this whole thread, honestly, I just came across your pattern of bashing this guy's girlfriend and I think it's inappropriate to place the blame solely at her feet.
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Old 04-11-2017, 12:48 PM
 
Location: My House
34,937 posts, read 36,163,891 times
Reputation: 26547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetie789 View Post
Some quick background: both in late 20s, first relationship for both of us, have been together 3 years, have had some issues (particularly communication issues - I'm not great at sharing everything with her, and she usually shuts down and ignores me) and are currently going to couples counseling (not sure how much progress we've made).

The current issue: we only have sex around once a month. I'm generally not in the mood, for a combination of factors (I hate my job and it's stressful so when I get home I just want to relax; my sex-drive has generally gone down; I feel that the sessions last too long (45-50 minutes) and I get bored in the middle of them; she's gained a bit of weight since we first started dating, and I've lost some physical attraction to her; she has complained about her weight in the past but puts no effort into it, even though I try to encourage her to join me when working out, to eat healthier with me).

Well, last night she asked me why she always has to initiate sex/why we don't have it very often. I told her my sex-drive is generally lower, and thought that it was good to be honest, so I mentioned that I felt sessions were too long. She got incredibly mad right afterwards (my guess is because it came across as me not caring about her pleasure during sex? She's never orgasmed, but I don't believe she ever has on her own either, and I've certainly tried many different things with no success). She stormed off and wasn't willing to talk with me at all last night. I talked with a close friend and he said that next therapy session, we obviously need to discuss this. He also said that I should be fully honest and disclose the other reasons (weight and motivation) even though it might hurt a lot. Does that sound right? The therapy session isn't until the end of the week, how do I handle this before then? I mentioned communication issues above, and it's an issue for both of us.

Can offer more details about the relationship if needed.
Do you two eat together? Because it sounds like you live together. Why not get all the junk out of your house? That is step 1.

Step 2: Are you part of some sort of gym and she doesn't want to go? No problem, so you're not dating a gym bunny. I hate gyms. They reek of smelly feet. We have a home gym here, but I know that's not always an option, so why are you not making plans to go out and do things that will get her moving and active?

Step 3: Is this woman depressed? It sounds like she might be on antidepressants. Is she? A woman in her 20s should be able to have an orgasm by herself, at least.

Step 4: Stop watching porn. You'll become interested in her again. If you have at your disposal women who have porn bodies and who aren't going to judge your performance while you're taking care of yourself and watching them, you will never be motivated to have a positive sex life with your partner.

Step 5: I agree re: discussing this with your counselor, but you need to focus more on how you're demotivated by your GF not wanting to work out with you and eat healthy with you and NOT on her weight. Don't crush her. Break up if you think you want to crush her. This won't make things better, crushing her feelings.
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