Dating an older man is it him or his age? (wife, married)
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Well he does work a lot. Even when I moved in his place was kind of dirty, and I cleaned it all up. I haven't seen him do any laundry or wash any dishes and he will give me money and a list to go get all the groceries. He is quite generous with gifts though, not that I ask.
You had absolutely no conversation about what this would look like prior to moving in?
If you are interested in continuing this, I'd heartily suggest sitting down and clarifying what these roles are and where the boundaries lie.
Thanks for the advice. I don't pay but not because I don't want to, I have offered several times and he just says don't worry about it. He also spends a lot of time in his office and likes to text me to bring him a drink or snack or something. He does spend time with his kid but I would say the majority of the time he is doing something else and says it's ok you get along great with him.
Well, there you go. You are paying, just not in the way you think you are.
As far as playing baby sitter, that expectation is completely out of bounds. Visitation is for children to spend time with the parent they aren't living with, not that parent's boyfriend/girlfriend. Does this boy's mother know this is going on?? I don't doubt she would have something to say about it.
It's definitely him. He maybe raised in a very traditional household. He did his part as a provider, and he expects you to take the caretaker role. You have a choice either stay and be in that role or leave. If you stay, you'll need to change your mindset to be happy in that role. Ideally, if he's that traditional, he should marry you before moving you in.
Why? I have to say I've met a lot of American men that expect these kinds of things. It didn't strike me as that odd at all. He doesn't seem to want to take away any of her independence, just thinks she has things she could do as the woman of the house, maybe that's what his mom did.
Didn't you say before that you think it's a mans job to lift heavy stuff?...Why is this so different?
If I'm not paying rent or household bills, hell yeah I'll bring you dinner! Let's have dinner at the office, less mess for me to clean up at home. Make you a drink? Sure, I'm making one for myself after work anyway...That's nothing, I'd be saving thousands in this arrangement.
I have never met an American man who expects it.
Yes, that was my statement.
There is a difference in tone though. Maybe she just worded it in a way that came off wrong.
I would be doing all the things but just the fact that she said she HAS to bring snacks when he has friends over, just didn't sound right. If he kindly ASKS her to - sure, no problem. I have been asked many time to cook for friends and stuff.
But the fact that she brings it up like he demands it, just sounded odd.
There is a difference in tone though. Maybe she just worded it in a way that came off wrong.
I would be doing all the things but just the fact that she said she HAS to bring snacks when he has friends over, just didn't sound right. If he kindly ASKS her to - sure, no problem.
I would be doing all of those things too, because I like to. So I guess that's why I don't get asked to, I'm already doing it. I'm more surprised when the guy says he wants to cook for me. Nice! I like to cook and shop and play the hostess. I guess I never asked if it was expected, but by doing those things we kind of create a role for ourselves that creates the expectation. I can't find anything negative or insulting in it-- for myself, anyway.
Thanks for the advice. I don't pay but not because I don't want to, I have offered several times and he just says don't worry about it. He also spends a lot of time in his office and likes to text me to bring him a drink or snack or something. He does spend time with his kid but I would say the majority of the time he is doing something else and says it's ok you get along great with him.
It kind of sounds like he thinks he has a maid with benefits. Or in other words...that you're being used.
I would be doing all of those things too, because I like to. So I guess that's why I don't get asked to, I'm already doing it. I'm more surprised when the guy says he wants to cook for me. Nice! I like to cook and shop and play the hostess. I guess I never asked if it was expected, but by doing those things we kind of create a role for ourselves that creates the expectation. I can't find anything negative or insulting in it-- for myself, anyway.
Well he does work a lot. Even when I moved in his place was kind of dirty, and I cleaned it all up. I haven't seen him do any laundry or wash any dishes and he will give me money and a list to go get all the groceries. He is quite generous with gifts though, not that I ask.
You do not pay rent. You do not pay utilities. He pays in the restaurant, he pays your groceries and gives you gifts and you have to be reminded to clean/wash/cook????
If I was you, he would get the red carpet treatment when he comes home. He wouldn't have to ask for anything.
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