Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, thanks for all the advice so far I am going to do a lot of thinking. I have met his ex wife and she is very rude to me, she won't talk to me or barely make eye contact.
To women in his age group: what would you do if you were dating a man like him?
To women in his age group: what would you do if you were dating a man like him?
I would be having a long conversation about expectations and boundaries, if I wanted to continue in this relationship.
I'd make sure that we were both on the same page as to what our roles are, and that we were both happy with them.
That's the thing, OP. All of this doesn't matter if this is not what you want.
Yes, people live like this. No, this isn't what "women should do". If you choose to continue with this relationship, you both need to know what the expectations are. If you don't, at the very least, you're going to encounter a lot of resentment.
I feel that he's using you.He feels he can get away with this because of course he's the older adult in the relationship.Someone in their 40's dating someone in their 20's...it's only because the one in his or her 40's is doing it for their own ego.Of course you would think that he would be mature because he's older then you BUT he seems to be acting very childish and selfish.You are NOT his maid and housekeeper.Also to be honest..you really should have asked him what his expectations of you would be while living with him.Well it's time for you to move out and find your own place..quickly!!
Think about it this way...someone who dates someone so young...they are not mature even though they might look it.
Move out.
Well, thanks for all the advice so far I am going to do a lot of thinking. I have met his ex wife and she is very rude to me, she won't talk to me or barely make eye contact.
To women in his age group: what would you do if you were dating a man like him?
I'd feel bad that he was paying for everything, like I said, that equals thousands of dollars in living expenses to me...Yeah I'd do the domestic stuff for not paying 2-3 thousand in rent, electric, satellite, water, gas, trash, groceries, entertainment...
He'd have to be making quite a bit more $ than me though not to think this set up was odd! Maybe that's why we hear about a 20 year difference when the man is paying.
What would I do? It wouldn't happen. I'd be paying my share. I'd be more interested in the man and how I feel about HIM.
To women in his age group: what would you do if you were dating a man like him?
For one thing, I wouldn't be shacking up with him. If I'm going to be doing household chores, I am going to be in equal ownership and have my name right next to his on whatever residence we are occupying, whether I am helping pay for it or not.
Well, thanks for all the advice so far I am going to do a lot of thinking. I have met his ex wife and she is very rude to me, she won't talk to me or barely make eye contact.
So how many times have you met her, and in what context? You used the present tense so it seems like it was more than once.
What guy parades his young-enough-to-be-his-daughter concubine in front of the mother of his children? Classy!
Sorry for bothering you all with this but I want some advice. I am 26 and dating a man that is 43. I know it may seem strange but I really enjoyed how he treated me and did act very gentlemanly and frankly most men my age I feel are very immature, no offense.
We have been dating going on 9 months and two months ago the lease on my apartment was going to expire and he suggested I move in with him. I did and at first it was fine, but since then I have noticed he seems to have some old school, some may even call sexist views.
Like he has said he wants me to clean his house, cook for him and when his buddies are over he asks me to supply the drinks and/or make a bunch of food. I pointed it out to him and he just laughed saying "well isn't that the kind of stuff most women do?". Granted he does take me out to eat now and then and always pays and will say nice and sweet things to me but honestly sometimes I feel like a maid. Oh, and he also has a 4 year old from a previous marriage that will come over and yet many times he will tell me to play with and take care of him while he goes out with his buddies golfing or says doing something else.
Though I do like his son and everything.
Am I over thinking this? Does he have more traditional views that are bad? If so is it due to his age? Thanks for any and all advice.
43 is too young to be THAT old school. Move out and get back on your own. As long as he's paying rent and utilities (who buys the groceries?), he feels he can order you around. I think it's more of a power trip than about being old school. He feels like he's "bought" you. Bag that scene! Get your own place, even if you can only afford a studio.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-07-2017 at 10:46 PM..
He may be "old school," and if so, I'm not that surprised. Even gen x folks can be "old school" depending on the culture they were raised in. That shouldn't be a surprise. There are plenty who exhibit these characteristics in this sub-forum and many others.
OP, there's a power and life stage imbalance here. I get the impression you're a maid/cook/babysitter with benefits. Him insisting you don't contribute financially should tell you what he wants and expects of you. This dynamic serves to benefit him, especially if this isn't a role you intended to take on.
Sorry for bothering you all with this but I want some advice. I am 26 and dating a man that is 43. I know it may seem strange but I really enjoyed how he treated me and did act very gentlemanly and frankly most men my age I feel are very immature, no offense.
We have been dating going on 9 months and two months ago the lease on my apartment was going to expire and he suggested I move in with him. I did and at first it was fine, but since then I have noticed he seems to have some old school, some may even call sexist views.
Like he has said he wants me to clean his house, cook for him and when his buddies are over he asks me to supply the drinks and/or make a bunch of food. I pointed it out to him and he just laughed saying "well isn't that the kind of stuff most women do?". Granted he does take me out to eat now and then and always pays and will say nice and sweet things to me but honestly sometimes I feel like a maid. Oh, and he also has a 4 year old from a previous marriage that will come over and yet many times he will tell me to play with and take care of him while he goes out with his buddies golfing or says doing something else.
Though I do like his son and everything.
Am I over thinking this? Does he have more traditional views that are bad? If so is it due to his age? Thanks for any and all advice.
Ok, I am in general older and I am dating younger women. This behavior is just him.
First thing first, if he is paying for everything, I guess each person should has a role. But if you are running the household, then you have the say in it. You doesn't work under him. If his role is earning the money, your role is running that household.
Now, if you don't like that arrangement and want to work too. Since he is older and more establish than you. It is not a 50-50 split on everything. Expense is split in ratio according to each other's income. If your income is 30% of his, you contribute roughly 30% on everything and you have equal say on everything. This assume you both work full time. If one is part time, of course it is a bit different.
Taking care of his kid. Now, you are doing him a favor there. He is solely his responsibility and you have no obligation to do anything. So, he would be asking you to play with him but not telling you to play with him.
I agree with many others; it's not his age. It's a regressive, chauvinistic attitude that can be acquired by anyone, of any age.
My husband is 44. He cooks. He cleans up after himself. He does laundry. He doesnt treat me like a maid, and he does as much of the caregiving for our toddler as I do. He isn't hung up on gender roles in the slightest, and lived as a bachelor till he was 40 and isn't accustomed to having someone wait on him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
