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When I felt someone was flirting/hitting on me/testing the waters..... whatever..... I would just bring up my husband (or BF, or imaginary guy) in conversation.
"Oh!!! My husband likes that beer too!"
"That restaurant? That's where I fell in love with my BF, it is so romantic"
"The article about Brad and Angelina made me so mad. That's on thing my guy never has to worry about - me being unfaithful! Just wouldn't happen."
If you are 48 and therefore experienced enough to know when someone is giving you "bedroom eyes" (I'm not so clear) then you are old enough to know how to redirect someone who thinks you would make a good roll in the hay!
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Many people will still approach the same gender on the off chance regardless of whether you've given them an indication that you're gay/lesbian or not.
Not being argumentative, just genuinely curious if our cultures are that much different. Is that common in Britain? It's really quite rare in the US. Esp male to male. It's (still) quite taboo here male to male. Probably b/c of fear of violence & homophobia. I guess one thing that is different between the US & Britain, is that a lot of people in the US carry guns, particularly in certain regions, so if the askee is homophobic, the risk could be pretty serious. I didn't realize the UK was so much more enlightened than the US in regards to homophobia, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least, as you all are more advanced in a lot of areas :-)
I was just talking to a friend abt this b/c it happened to her husband (but it was a misunderstanding) & we were talking about how extremely rare it was for a gay guy to ask out a straight guy. Even misunderstandings are pretty rare, like what happened to my friend's husband. He was just being friendly towards the guy, hung out with him a few times playing video games & helped him with studies (he's a University professor) & the guy thought they were starting to date apparently, while the husband just liked the gay guy & was hanging out with him as a friend. Luckily the husband is not homophobic at all & they were all able to laugh about it & stay friends. I could see it happening more with women, since women often get close & emotional quickly in friendships, but it still seems rare to me.
Not being argumentative, just genuinely curious if our cultures are that much different. Is that common in Britain? It's really quite rare in the US. Esp male to male. It's (still) quite taboo here male to male. Probably b/c of fear of violence & homophobia. I guess one thing that is different between the US & Britain, is that a lot of people in the US carry guns, particularly in certain regions, so if the askee is homophobic, the risk could be pretty serious. I didn't realize the UK was so much more enlightened than the US in regards to homophobia, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least, as you all are more advanced in a lot of areas :-)
I was just talking to a friend abt this b/c it happened to her husband (but it was a misunderstanding) & we were talking about how extremely rare it was for a gay guy to ask out a straight guy. Even misunderstandings are pretty rare, like what happened to my friend's husband. He was just being friendly towards the guy, hung out with him a few times playing video games & helped him with studies (he's a University professor) & the guy thought they were starting to date apparently, while the husband just liked the gay guy & was hanging out with him as a friend. Luckily the husband is not homophobic at all & they were all able to laugh about it & stay friends. I could see it happening more with women, since women often get close & emotional quickly in friendships, but it still seems rare to me.
There are some gay friendly areas in the US. And I have seen some weirdness, gay or straight, doesn't matter, just weird...
There are some gay friendly areas in the US. And I have seen some weirdness, gay or straight, doesn't matter, just weird...
I totally agree. I've lived in gay friendly cities & like I said, have been hit on by gay woman, both who knew I liked men & also in a bar type situation where they wouldn't have a clue, but for me & friends I've talked to about this, it's still a rarity, even in gay-friendly cities. A couple of times a year at most, not everyone in sight :-) It does happen, but I find it to be quite rare, esp. male-male.
My disdain here is that I am continually hit on by lesbians, I suppose I could not really say too much if they were to inquire and ask me if I am interested....that would give me the polite and direct opportunity to say no.
Until someone actually does that, then enjoy their friendliness. There's nothing wrong with being nice, engaging in conversation (as long as it doesn't become suggestive--that can be an opportunity though for you to bring up what you wrote here) or even giving gifts--how nice! You may be over-analyzing the situation. Maybe these girls are just being friendly. I would immediately stop over-thinking about it, be nice in return as the Lord has commanded us, and then if one of them straight out asks you to go out as like in a romantic relationship, then explain that you don't support that kind of behaviour.
my hair which is graying very beautifully and prematurely is very tightly and naturally curly...
Your pubic hair? I don't know what this has to do with anything...
There's something wrong here. You are not surrounded by lesbians trying to have sex with you. There is no reason to tell them 'no', because they do not want anything. Even if you were surrounded by lesbians, they are not perverts who are always looking for sex at work from someone who is taken.
There are only 3 women I work with, the rest men. It's sometimes an unusually stressful environment due to the nature of the job. We make inside jokes, imitate the boss, are sometimes inappropriate, and way too familiar. None are lesbians, if they are I'm unaware, because it makes no difference to me, I'm not there for a sex partner, and I'm straight. I don't believe any are thinking of finding a closet to go make out with me in. Even if one said something borderline, like: "Looking good in them jeans today, sexy, got a hot date after work?" I would say 'thanks' without skipping a beat, and not get all uptight wondering how to tell her 'I'm not interested in having sex with her'. Absurd.
Have you had many close female friends? You say you laugh and joke about cookies and getting fat, and this becomes some kind of misinterpreted flirtatious 'come on' to the gaggle of lesbians around, but are you like... licking the cookies seductively? There's nothing to be misinterpreted about cookies. It's not code.
I wish you worked with me, and when any of us women talked to you or tried to include you, you said: "I'm not interested in you like that." It would make for additional comic relief.
I think OP has an inferiority complex about people just wanting to be friendly with her and have a normal conversation. The bus driver comment explains that quite clear.
Not being argumentative, just genuinely curious if our cultures are that much different. Is that common in Britain? It's really quite rare in the US. Esp male to male. It's (still) quite taboo here male to male. Probably b/c of fear of violence & homophobia. I guess one thing that is different between the US & Britain, is that a lot of people in the US carry guns, particularly in certain regions, so if the askee is homophobic, the risk could be pretty serious. I didn't realize the UK was so much more enlightened than the US in regards to homophobia, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least, as you all are more advanced in a lot of areas :-)
I was just talking to a friend abt this b/c it happened to her husband (but it was a misunderstanding) & we were talking about how extremely rare it was for a gay guy to ask out a straight guy. Even misunderstandings are pretty rare, like what happened to my friend's husband. He was just being friendly towards the guy, hung out with him a few times playing video games & helped him with studies (he's a University professor) & the guy thought they were starting to date apparently, while the husband just liked the gay guy & was hanging out with him as a friend. Luckily the husband is not homophobic at all & they were all able to laugh about it & stay friends. I could see it happening more with women, since women often get close & emotional quickly in friendships, but it still seems rare to me.
No you're fine I know you're not argumentative my love
It's extremely rare here to be walking down the street for example and another bloke stops you and tries it on but in say a pub/bar it can happen yes still quite rare but it does occur from time to time....
Predominantly speaking about myself here but valid for most ....It's incredibly easy to strike up a conversation with someone when out socially say either banter with another group after you see something funny or asking about this or that etc and especially after a few beers in short a friendly environment, now this is how I meet a lot of women and naturally I'll get the odd bloke that mistakes friendliness for interest and feel confident enough to ask me out or chat me up lol.
Now I myself can and do laugh it off and especially as I'll either be with a lady on a date/dating or the boys for example I've had one ask if I was doing anything on a Saturday a while ago and I responded with a " Saturday?..... No sorry I can't as I'm washing my hair! " sort of thing and the bloke laughed as he realised I wasn't gay. I'd say most that I know can and do laugh it off also and it usually leads to friendly banter instead of an altercation but yes I've seen a few that's reacted angrily and even violently.
On the whole I think it's a taboo subject but naturally it depends on the individual but again luckily me and my circles can joke about it
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