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Well it sounds to me that those women don't want to date a man in a wheelchair.Sorry that they're not giving you a chance based on what they see.I'm sure that you will find someone who will not be deterred by the wheelchair. It sucks when people don't want to give you a chance just based on what they see first..oh the perils of trying to date..
You'd think, at your age, there would plenty of women who aren't so superficial who are looking for a partner. Are you trying to date younger women?
That being said, when a woman first meets you, she probably has a number of concerns. Women want a helpmate and someone stronger than they are. Women are nervous about what's going on "down there". They're wondering how much assistance you'll need. You might make them feel self-conscious because you're not the typical guy, so on and so forth.
You need to find a way to allow women to get to know you in person over a period of time. Don't give up your online search, but you need to have a venue where they can safely flirt and chat, while falling in love with the person you really are.
^This. To be honest, most people wouldn't find the idea of dating a wheelchair bound person appealing if they have the options. However, don't be despair the right one for you will be open to a relationship with you, just look at Nick Vujicic.
^This. To be honest, most people wouldn't find the idea of dating a wheelchair bound person appealing
And thank the Maker for that. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. I dread to think how much more complicated life would be if I had someone else's needs, wants, and whims to worry about as well .
The OP, however, looks at things from a different perspective and is much braver than I. Can I ask what your dating life was like pre-disability, and if there were any women on the scene who may be more open minded to your present circumstances? If they knew you as a person before, they'd have some idea what they were getting into.
You'd think, at your age, there would plenty of women who aren't so superficial who are looking for a partner. Are you trying to date younger women?
That being said, when a woman first meets you, she probably has a number of concerns. Women want a helpmate and someone stronger than they are. Women are nervous about what's going on "down there". They're wondering how much assistance you'll need. You might make them feel self-conscious because you're not the typical guy, so on and so forth.
You need to find a way to allow women to get to know you in person over a period of time. Don't give up your online search, but you need to have a venue where they can safely flirt and chat, while falling in love with the person you really are.
This is the best point about it I think. I did fall in love with a man in a wheelchair once when in my young twenties and I worked in a hospital where he was a patient and I couldn't wait to get to his room each evening to talk to him. He was so fascinating and quite handsome and while at first I wouldn't have even considered going out with a man in a wheelchair, within a couple of weeks I knew that I would if he asked me, but shortly after he moved two states over and didn't ask me to go along.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
You asked the question why women aren't interested in guys in wheelchairs your age? Well, its the same reason you prefer not to date women in wheelchairs your age, minus the rude insults.
I think this is unfair. I know so few people in wheelchairs and all of them are special ed students I've worked with plus the one that got away. The pool is just not all that large and the OP get will old and die waiting for an appropriately aged partner that he actually has something in common with. Please go easy with this one folks.
OP, I do know that a common concern with women is whether you can still "do it" so the sooner you can address that one the better. I'm in my upper fifties now and it's not uncommon for dates to let me know that they still have an interest in that and to try to subtly (or not so subtly) find out if I do too, and this on the first date. At first it embarrassed me but now I realize it's for the best for two people to find out early on before the clothes come off whether it's going to be an issue for them or not.
I'll date you! Decent looking, literate, interesting life experiences, outgoing, active. Add the ability to love and care for another and you are a great catch! A carefully crafted online profile might help, but don't try to hide the chair.
I doubt we're in the same area code so that would be a logistical challenge. ;-) But the chair would not deter me if I otherwise liked you. I've dated a few disabled guys. In my experience people who have always been disabled sometimes have trouble with social skills (which is a damm shame) but that would not apply to you.
I'll bet what you're dealing with is the question that no one can bring up...sexual function. It's tacky for her to ask and tacky for you to mention when you meet someone.
If you ever do get a date, It seems that starting off with dates where the chair wouldn't be a big deal might be a good strategy. Have her meet you at a cozy restaurant and get there early to snag a table. Maybe go to a coffee house with music so you can just chat and get to know each other. Dinner at your place. Then invite her to something active that demonstrates how you've adapted, like kayaking.
Everyone has to make compromises in relationships. The logistical challenge of maneuvering a chair through life just doesn't seem like that big a problem to me. I once dated a wonderful man with an eating disorder. THAT was a problem.
And if anyone really said "What would I want with half a man" to you, you need to find a better class of joint to hang out in!!!! I know plenty of nice women who would not treat you that way.
A friend of mine crashed into a blind man in the grocery store and ended up in an long term relationship with him. Maybe you should just start rolling over ladies' feet in the produce department.... (just kidding, don't really do that)
Then I would use online dating and even mention that everything works. Put your hobbies there and how active you are. And just like with everybody else - I recommend getting in shape. That's always an extra push.
Good luck!
He wheels a chair every day and rock climbs, I'm guessing he IS in good shape!
Hopefully, none of those people ever get into relationships or marriages with people who then become injured or ill and lose mobility.
Or, lose mobility themselves.
Exactly. You never know what is going to happen in the future, for yourself or others.
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