Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:16 PM
 
16 posts, read 9,136 times
Reputation: 31

Advertisements

Hi everyone, This is the first time i've ever posted on a forum but i'm hoping you could help.

The brief background to my situation - I'm 27, my (ex) bf is 32. We were together for just over a year and my bf seemed very serious (kept telling me I was the girl he wants to spend his life with, told me he had planned out a proposal and was just saving up for a ring etc). We had never argued and the relationship was, in my eyes anyway, perfect. Anyway, 2 months ago he broke up with me without any warning signs. Days before the breakup he was still telling me he loved me, doing all the usual cute things, promising me the world etc. His reasons were that he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, that the relationship had ran its course, however he told me I was the best girlfriend he had ever had and I had given him the best year of his life.

I didn't argue or beg for him to stay, I told him I would miss him but accepted that he couldn't help how he feels, we both cried. I was heartbroken but I went complete no contact straight away. A week later he started putting a lot of suspicious pictures, almost daily, of him hanging out with a girl I wasn't particularly comfortable with him hanging out with when we were together (she is a friend of his but she was very flirty and crossed a lot of boundaries when I was with him). Most pictures were of them hugging, one was of them out at dinner. I'm not sure if he was posting these pictures to try to get a reaction from me because he never used to post anything on social media, yet he was posting these pictures almost every day. Anyway after a week of this behavior I de-activated all of my social media accounts, I never really used them anyway so I don't need them and it was hurting too much to see those pictures. A mutual friend has said that since I have been off social media, the pictures have stopped being posted.

It has been two months and I feel a bit more normal. however a few days ago I was out at a bar with friends and he was there with a different bunch of people (he never used to go to bars/never drank alcohol when we were together). It was the first time I had seen him after the breakup I tried to smile at him to be friendly but he looked so ANNOYED and ANGRY at me and turned his head away so he didn't have to look at me. He was so hostile!

I'm so confused! HE broke up with ME and I accepted his decision. HE broke MY heart. We left a positive relationship on good terms. I never knew him to be spiteful or angry person when I was with him BUT now its almost like he's trying to hurt me/make me jealous (by pictures of him and another girl) and now he's obviously angry at me for no reason (despite us leaving on good terms and havent seen/spoken since).

what do you guys think? I can't understand this behavior!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:25 PM
 
Location: In a land of gods and monsters
426 posts, read 348,891 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine1989 View Post
Hi everyone, This is the first time i've ever posted on a forum but i'm hoping you could help.

The brief background to my situation - I'm 27, my (ex) bf is 32. We were together for just over a year and my bf seemed very serious (kept telling me I was the girl he wants to spend his life with, told me he had planned out a proposal and was just saving up for a ring etc). We had never argued and the relationship was, in my eyes anyway, perfect. Anyway, 2 months ago he broke up with me without any warning signs. Days before the breakup he was still telling me he loved me, doing all the usual cute things, promising me the world etc. His reasons were that he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, that the relationship had ran its course, however he told me I was the best girlfriend he had ever had and I had given him the best year of his life.

I didn't argue or beg for him to stay, I told him I would miss him but accepted that he couldn't help how he feels, we both cried. I was heartbroken but I went complete no contact straight away. A week later he started putting a lot of suspicious pictures, almost daily, of him hanging out with a girl I wasn't particularly comfortable with him hanging out with when we were together (she is a friend of his but she was very flirty and crossed a lot of boundaries when I was with him). Most pictures were of them hugging, one was of them out at dinner. I'm not sure if he was posting these pictures to try to get a reaction from me because he never used to post anything on social media, yet he was posting these pictures almost every day. Anyway after a week of this behavior I de-activated all of my social media accounts, I never really used them anyway so I don't need them and it was hurting too much to see those pictures. A mutual friend has said that since I have been off social media, the pictures have stopped being posted.

It has been two months and I feel a bit more normal. however a few days ago I was out at a bar with friends and he was there with a different bunch of people (he never used to go to bars/never drank alcohol when we were together). It was the first time I had seen him after the breakup I tried to smile at him to be friendly but he looked so ANNOYED and ANGRY at me and turned his head away so he didn't have to look at me. He was so hostile!

I'm so confused! HE broke up with ME and I accepted his decision. HE broke MY heart. We left a positive relationship on good terms. I never knew him to be spiteful or angry person when I was with him BUT now its almost like he's trying to hurt me/make me jealous (by pictures of him and another girl) and now he's obviously angry at me for no reason (despite us leaving on good terms and havent seen/spoken since).

what do you guys think? I can't understand this behavior!
I think he's probably butt hurt about you deactivating your account. He seems real petty for posting those pics. You are very right in assuming that he was doing that to try to get a reaction out of you. I've noticed when people try and force happiness by pretending they moved on and pretty much brag to the whole world via social media that they are happier then ever they really aren't. Since he broke up with you he didn't really have to prove anything. It's like he's trying way too hard by showing off how "over it is".

I guess when he saw you at the bar and looked annoyed it's because he realized that you moved on while who knows if he moved on or not. I guess he doesn't want you to be happy. Some people are just miserable deep down and indesicive with what they want. He seems immature. He did you a favor! You don't have to put up with his crap anymore.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,932 posts, read 11,656,829 times
Reputation: 13169
There are degrees of broken hearts. I'm not going to belittle your emotions, but compared to the other break-ups I have experienced or seen, it is not unusual to be blind-sided when a person is in love and feels safe, no matter how painful the result. You aren't responsible for his anger. Just take care of yourself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:31 PM
 
16 posts, read 9,136 times
Reputation: 31
Hi yourgermanicanish thanks so much for your reply. What you say makes a lot of sense. I'm just surprised he is acting this way as it's really out of character. He even cried during the breakup because he felt so guilty for hurting me - yet now he seems to be trying to do it on purpose!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:38 PM
 
1,659 posts, read 1,245,027 times
Reputation: 3615
I think he realized the grass wasn't that much greener on the other side after breaking up with you. So, he tried baiting you with pictures to get a response from you, only that backfired on him because you've move on. Now, he's having a sulk because he knows he messed up, and there's nothing he can do about it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:41 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,675 posts, read 19,795,440 times
Reputation: 42916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yourgermanicanish View Post
I think he's probably butt hurt about you deactivating your account. He seems real petty for posting those pics. You are very right in assuming that he was doing that to try to get a reaction out of you. I've noticed when people try and force happiness by pretending they moved on and pretty much brag to the whole world via social media that they are happier then ever they really aren't. Since he broke up with you he didn't really have to prove anything. It's like he's trying way too hard by showing off how "over it is".

I guess when he saw you at the bar and looked annoyed it's because he realized that you moved on while who knows if he moved on or not. I guess he doesn't want you to be happy. Some people are just miserable deep down and indesicive with what they want. He seems immature. He did you a favor! You don't have to put up with his crap anymore.
I second this post.


*hugs*
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:43 PM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,872,015 times
Reputation: 15254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine1989 View Post
Hi yourgermanicanish thanks so much for your reply. What you say makes a lot of sense. I'm just surprised he is acting this way as it's really out of character. He even cried during the breakup because he felt so guilty for hurting me - yet now he seems to be trying to do it on purpose!
Sorry Sunshine,

It's not your job to figure out what he is thinking or feeling. He may just be shocked you haven't come crawling back to him. Instead you moved in in a dignified way.

You just move on and forget about him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:47 PM
 
Location: In a land of gods and monsters
426 posts, read 348,891 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine1989 View Post
Hi yourgermanicanish thanks so much for your reply. What you say makes a lot of sense. I'm just surprised he is acting this way as it's really out of character. He even cried during the breakup because he felt so guilty for hurting me - yet now he seems to be trying to do it on purpose!
You are very welcome. 😃
You know one of my ex's did this to me. He tried to make me jealous and at first, my feelings were hurt. He did it a few times a day also for about a week and then I deactivated my FB. One of my friends said that he kept showing off while posting about me and he didn't stop doing this for about a whole year. Even though I ended up hating him, I kind of felt sorry for him. I honestly hope that he moved on by now. While he sat on his butt posting daily hoping that I was gonna come back on to give him some kind of reaction, instead I was traveling around the world. 😂
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 12:55 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,057 posts, read 106,854,652 times
Reputation: 115800
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine1989 View Post
Hi everyone, This is the first time i've ever posted on a forum but i'm hoping you could help.

The brief background to my situation - I'm 27, my (ex) bf is 32. We were together for just over a year and my bf seemed very serious (kept telling me I was the girl he wants to spend his life with, told me he had planned out a proposal and was just saving up for a ring etc). We had never argued and the relationship was, in my eyes anyway, perfect. Anyway, 2 months ago he broke up with me without any warning signs. Days before the breakup he was still telling me he loved me, doing all the usual cute things, promising me the world etc. His reasons were that he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, that the relationship had ran its course, however he told me I was the best girlfriend he had ever had and I had given him the best year of his life.

I didn't argue or beg for him to stay, I told him I would miss him but accepted that he couldn't help how he feels, we both cried. I was heartbroken but I went complete no contact straight away. A week later he started putting a lot of suspicious pictures, almost daily, of him hanging out with a girl I wasn't particularly comfortable with him hanging out with when we were together (she is a friend of his but she was very flirty and crossed a lot of boundaries when I was with him). Most pictures were of them hugging, one was of them out at dinner. I'm not sure if he was posting these pictures to try to get a reaction from me because he never used to post anything on social media, yet he was posting these pictures almost every day. Anyway after a week of this behavior I de-activated all of my social media accounts, I never really used them anyway so I don't need them and it was hurting too much to see those pictures. A mutual friend has said that since I have been off social media, the pictures have stopped being posted.

It has been two months and I feel a bit more normal. however a few days ago I was out at a bar with friends and he was there with a different bunch of people (he never used to go to bars/never drank alcohol when we were together). It was the first time I had seen him after the breakup I tried to smile at him to be friendly but he looked so ANNOYED and ANGRY at me and turned his head away so he didn't have to look at me. He was so hostile!

I'm so confused! HE broke up with ME and I accepted his decision. HE broke MY heart. We left a positive relationship on good terms. I never knew him to be spiteful or angry person when I was with him BUT now its almost like he's trying to hurt me/make me jealous (by pictures of him and another girl) and now he's obviously angry at me for no reason (despite us leaving on good terms and havent seen/spoken since).

what do you guys think? I can't understand this behavior!
It doesn't matter where this behavior of his is coming from. What it means is that you dodged a bullet. There were aspects of his personality that he was hiding all along. Honestly, when I read your story, a little red flag went up when you mentioned that he'd always said you were the perfect one, etc. etc. At what stage of dating did he start saying that? If it began in the first several months, that's suspicious. There's a "too much too soon" rule, meaning that if a guy starts showering someone with complements and starts talking marriage and/or saying too early on that "you're the ONE", it means they have some kind of ulterior motive. They're playing you.

And your guy kept up the act all the way to the end. Even during the breakup, he gave you this "you gave me the best years of my life" BS. I think he was doing a good bit of acting throughout the relationship. That would explain the sudden bizarre personality change. You never knew the real him, and now you're finding out about it, IMO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2017, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,702 posts, read 1,818,963 times
Reputation: 4823
OP, I am sorry that your heart is hurting. I'm impressed by the maturity and dignity you demonstrated during the breakup. Stay strong and forget about your ex. His loss. Love will find you again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top