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It would be worth your money to hire a private detective to prove the affair. Solid proof would save
$$$, plus you would have a better chance of getting custody of your children. Schedule a consultation with a good attorney for laws in your state.
It depends on the state. Step #1 is the free consultation with the divorce attorney.
Personally, the first thing I'd do is shut down anything "joint". Credit cards. Bank accounts. Somebody imploding a marriage by flaunting an affair is also likely to drain savings and max out all the credit cards.
Her having an affair doesnt mean he will get custody. he needs a lawyer for that part, not the divorce.
My advice having walked through this:
1) either work on your marriage or divorce her. Dont wait and wait and wait or listen to her threats and false promises.
2) She wants BOTH lives, thats why she threatens you and wont leave him.
3) Fear shouldnt keep you in hell.
I worked on my marriage and my husband changed his ways. I was filing for housing, applying for a divorce when he finally ( after 8yrs) decided to change.
OP, you admitted having faults that possibly lead to your wife's affair and both have no real desire to divorce. Out of the affair your wife might be desperately seeking to provoke the attention lacking from you, which you seemed to realise. It may do well giving a try to work it out, but it's not the best idea to show her this thread thinking she'll come around.
This is true. I know a couple where an affair was a wake-up call for them to recommit to each other and to their marriage. It was rough for a while, but they took a good look at their relationship and they're still together.
OP: Sorry to hear that you are going through this... But from what I understand and know about the divorces, you don't have a lot of good options in contested divorce proceedings. Four kids and SAHM? You will have to pay child support and alimony. After that, you might have enough to rent a studio apartment with roommates.
You can blow 20k on the expensive lawyers but the end result would probably be similar. Mother usually gets custody. If you accuse her of cheating she will accuse your of emotional neglect, etc. And in all fairness, someone has to support your wife and kids. If she does not work, that would be you by default. The judge might encourage your wife to find a job...
Your best bet would probably be to try to work this out somehow and stay married, for the sake of the kids. Especially if they are small.
If that fails, then you are probably better off trying to negotiate with your wife for what she wants. Court, judges and liars are not really conductive to reasonable negotiations. And you will hate each other even more after being through the divorce court...
Get WAY out front of it. Lawyer. Assets. Kids. Make the first move and make it dramatically and convincingly. Don't hesitate or fall for the "threats" or "i'll be good". Shock and awe. Trust me. First mover in these situations has a BIG advantage and she will always be known in court as the Defendant. BIG difference.
This is the kind of thing caused me to advise you to get your advice from people who have been there done that. One other site is not "all over the internet". Do NOT leave the house. Unless you want to
1. Lose the house.
2. Run the risk of being part of the "fault" in the no fault divorce. Affairs are brutal to prove in court. Leaving the home is not.
This is the kind of thing caused me to advise you to get your advice from people who have been there done that. One other site is not "all over the internet". Do NOT leave the house. Unless you want to
1. Lose the house.
2. Run the risk of being part of the "fault" in the no fault divorce. Affairs are brutal to prove in court. Leaving the home is not.
yes, I second this one.
Do NOT leave the house before you haven't talked to an attorney. I worked for a family attorney in VA. Once you are out of the house, you'll never get back in.
Do NOT leave the house before you haven't talked to an attorney. I worked for a family attorney in VA. Once you are out of the house, you'll never get back in.
THIS! Divorce 101.
Do not leave the house unless you want to lose the house.
Do NOT leave the house before you haven't talked to an attorney. I worked for a family attorney in VA. Once you are out of the house, you'll never get back in.
I'm in the middle of a similar situation and my lawyer friend also gave me this advice. You have every right to remain in the home. If you leave (esp. if children are involved), it can be used against you in court. In my case, we have children with medical needs that often require both of us. Leaving takes me out of my children's daily routine leaving my wife to fend on her own. That can be used to influence visitation, alimony, and child support decisions if (hopefully not) it heads to court. (Not that I would do that to her nor my kids)
If you take any one advice from this thread, I say keep your head and think things through.. don't act on emotion no matter how hurt or angry.
I'm in the middle of a similar situation and my lawyer friend also gave me this advice. You have every right to remain in the home. If you leave (esp. if children are involved), it can be used against you in court. In my case, we have children with medical needs that often require both of us. Leaving takes me out of my children's daily routine leaving my wife to fend on her own. That can be used to influence visitation, alimony, and child support decisions if (hopefully not) it heads to court. (Not that I would do that to her nor my kids)
If you take any one advice from this thread, I say keep your head and think things through.. don't act on emotion no matter how hurt or angry.
yes, this one
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yes, this one
