'I can't give up. If I do, I'll just be alone forever.' (marriages, single)
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I guess if those were my options, I guess I would rather be alone. But then I just hope I do not live a long boring life alone.
Living alone is definitely not boring. You learn things, like how to entertain yourself. You learn things about yourself.
When I decided to roll solo...
I learned I looked better with hair
I learned how to entertain myself
I developed my own style
I've learned how to make arrogant know it alls feel stupid
I've become mysterious
I've learned how to 'vanish'
I've actually gained compassion for people
I've started looking at nature
The list goes on.
Don't get me wrong, I am not planning on being alone for the rest of my life. I am going to have a companion. I just want to be in the right frame of mind.
So said one of my Twitter buddies when I remarked on the speed with which she launched herself back into the dating game after a particularly nasty breakup.
Now, forgive me if I appear thicker than a whale omelette here, but I can't fathom why a solitary existence is seen as a failing. I've chosen it because I can't imagine being in the world any other way. The adjustments required by any sort of romantic coupling would knock planet Scribbles out of its orbit and send its lone inhabitant spiralling into a black hole of confusion and bewilderment for all eternity.
I don't mean to suggest life for one is entirely without difficulties. I'm only human (or almost) and I get lonely at times, but never to the point where I'd consider becoming part of a couple. That's too drastic and permanent a solution to a temporary problem, and I stand to lose more from its failure (mentally, emotionally and financially) than I'd gain from its success.
I realise I'm in the minority on this, and I hope a few of you can help me understand why some people's happiness and sense of identity or being an adult depends so much on finding someone else to settle down, grow old and wander off into the sunset with. For me it's about as palatable as Metallica cutting their hair and trying to keep up with the alternative scene during the 90s. I'd feel like a sellout if I even contemplated it, and I most certainly would NOT respect myself in the morning.
OP, re-read what I've bolded. If you're determined to be single then why do you feel it's meant to be temporary?
Living alone is definitely not boring. You learn things, like how to entertain yourself. You learn things about yourself.
When I decided to roll solo...
I learned I looked better with hair
I learned how to entertain myself
I developed my own style
I've learned how to make arrogant know it alls feel stupid
I've become mysterious
I've learned how to 'vanish'
I've actually gained compassion for people
I've started looking at nature
The list goes on.
Don't get me wrong, I am not planning on being alone for the rest of my life. I am going to have a companion. I just want to be in the right frame of mind.
When I am alone, I stop actually brushing my hair on a regular basis, I watch an insane amount of tv, I eat crap, like ice cream for dinner. I drink more alcohol. I start talking to myself and oversharing with complete strangers. I usually lose tons of weight and become the size of an adolescent teenager.
I am not sure if single is healthy for me. I try to hang out with friends more but everyone has such busy lives that I feel like I am imposing on them.
When I am alone, I stop actually brushing my hair on a regular basis, I watch an insane amount of tv, I eat crap, like ice cream for dinner. I drink more alcohol. I start talking to myself and oversharing with complete strangers. I usually lose tons of weight and become the size of an adolescent teenager.
I am not sure if single is healthy for me. I try to hang out with friends more but everyone has such busy lives that I feel like I am imposing on them.
This is very tricky.
Hmm... I do all of this when I'm with people.
I think the best thing to do would be to find an interest and go to where people who share your interests hang out.
Also, you might have at least one friend that you are not imposing on. He might not be exactly the friend you want, but he may actually be the friend you need.
I know someone who is just like you. She believes (at least she says so) that she's imposing on me, but I am available any time to talk to her. The interesting thing is that it seems more like I'm imposing on her.
She's been the one who needed to have someone in her life at all times, but she pretty much fell into bad company and is even faced with something really harsh in the upcoming weeks. I offered to be there, but sometimes she avoids me and goes for people that really mean her harm.
I of course back off and work on myself, but every now and then she comes running to me talking about her latest incident.
OP, re-read what I've bolded. If you're determined to be single then why do you feel it's meant to be temporary?
Please allow me to clarify. I meant the state of mind brought about by loneliness, which I can usually banish with a good book or by throwing myself into a project.
In another thread I referred to Carl Jung and his idea of sublimation. He meant it as a means of repurposing sexual energy in service of 'higher' ambitions. I try to do the same with bad moods or the fits of self-pity that arise whenever I'm reminded of my departed loved ones. Some of my better creative writing ideas have come at times when I feel lower than rocking horse s--t, and that 'ah-HAH!' moment helps me to pull myself up by my bootstraps and carry on.
Living alone is definitely not boring. You learn things, like how to entertain yourself. You learn things about yourself.
Definitely!
I lived alone from 23-30, and really enjoyed it. I lived alone again in my midthirties, between relationships. My husband lived alone from college until he was 41. Loved it.
Living alone was never lonely for me, it was just "different"
I can see how some can fall in to the trap of allowing themselves to fall off in areas of their lives without there being another force pushing them in to situations and circumstances that they would never do with their own free wil alone.
If you lose your drive, it's just easier to lay down and let life pass you by.
People are generally very easily drawn to paths that give the least resistance, they are also very drawn to the things they perceive themselves as lacking in comparison to what others have.
We are fickle beasts
Last edited by rego00123; 04-25-2017 at 10:14 AM..
I think the best thing to do would be to find an interest and go to where people who share your interests hang out.
Also, you might have at least one friend that you are not imposing on. He might not be exactly the friend you want, but he may actually be the friend you need.
I know someone who is just like you. She believes (at least she says so) that she's imposing on me, but I am available any time to talk to her. The interesting thing is that it seems more like I'm imposing on her.
She's been the one who needed to have someone in her life at all times, but she pretty much fell into bad company and is even faced with something really harsh in the upcoming weeks. I offered to be there, but sometimes she avoids me and goes for people that really mean her harm.
I of course back off and work on myself, but every now and then she comes running to me talking about her latest incident.
I am not sure that I do. I had to have surgery in February 2016. I could not find anyone to take me. I had to drive myself there and back. That was really an eye opening experience on how truly being alone feels. Sure I made it. I have managed to do some incredible things all by myself, but it does not necessarily feel good, it feels sad. Like what is wrong with me that no one wants to drive me to a hospital, be by my side, take me home and help me heal? Just because I can take care of myself, why do I always have only me to count on? Others have much less stress because they can share the burdens of life with a partner.
I am not sure that I do. I had to have surgery in February 2016. I could not find anyone to take me. I had to drive myself there and back. That was really an eye opening experience on how truly being alone feels. Sure I made it. I have managed to do some incredible things all by myself, but it does not necessarily feel good, it feels sad. Like what is wrong with me that no one wants to drive me to a hospital, be by my side, take me home and help me heal? Just because I can take care of myself, why do I always have only me to count on? Others have much less stress because they can share the burdens of life with a partner.
I thought hospitals didn't allow you to drive there and back by yourself. A friend of mine had to get surgery and they told her that she needed someone to drive her there. I offered to drive her there, but she found someone to help her (turns out it was someone she hated. Why she'd take that person over my help is beyond me. It turns out he has done something really sick to her while he was taking care of her).
Her issue is that she always goes for the wrong person for help and it always damages her in the worst way. I always advise her to take a breather and heal.
But, it is her choice and I respect that.
I don't know your situation, but I will give you this advice. Sometimes, great friends come in packages that we don't always want. And sometimes, what seems to taste good at the time is not necessarily good for you. Some people have to look beyond the physical.
And for what it's worth, I'm alone, too.
For me relationships is like nourishment. People who don't have it, starve. The interesting thing is that eventually, you starve to death.
I feel as if I already have (as in I no longer have the desire for relationships).
Last edited by TJenkins602; 04-25-2017 at 11:49 AM..
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