Quote:
Originally Posted by sungrl01
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. He has been sneaking out in the middle of the night and lying to me. Then he confessed he has feelings for another woman and doesn't love me anymore and wants out of our marriage. He said he's been checked out of our marriage for a long time but never talked to me about it or wanted counseling. I have tried to kick him out of the house but he refuses saying "it's his house too and has a right to be there." We have a 3 and 1 year old and says he wants to remain friends for the kids. I feel betrayed from his cheating and lying. I'm trying to hold it together and haven't ate or slept since this happened. It's interesting living in the house while he continues to leave to meet that girl. When does the healing begin? How can I remain friends with someone like this? Do things get easier? Right now I'm a mess and trying to heal and do the right thing for my children. Feeling so broken and lost..I always thought marriage was forever.
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Sweet Girl, I know what your going thru....things will get easier when he leaves, then begins the healing process, the time of that process is different for all of us. And yes, the hurt of betrayal, is a deep inbedded hurt....I never want to feel that kind of pain again.
He is right on one thing, try and be a lady thru this, regardless....maybe you can find a grief counseling for people going thru separation and divorce.
There will come a time, when you look back and decide, (sometimes when you think you lost, you really won)
Now, instead of blaming him, this is what I did....I took a vacation, my very first alone. It took me a long time to work up to doing things on my own. But that time will come for you. Go out to dinner by yourself, this will be your pampering time girl. Pamper you....and make that time possible. Make a list of things you always wanted to do, small things first, then maybe bigger things later, depending on your pocket book. But what you do not want to do, and I say this in all seriousness, do not try to replace what you lost with another warm body. It won't work and you'll hurt others along the way doing so.
Never feel revenge, remorse yes, there will be a grieving period for the loss of a spouse, and it isn't easy...it's not him your grieving, you are grieving the loss of your entire identity, that you gave up for him to be a wife and mother. Your still a mother, but we women, give up a part of who we were, and that is what takes so long to find...
There will come an awakening time, when you have to face the fact that he wasn't solely to blame. You have to figure out, why you chose someone to trust with your heart, who wasn't mentally compatible.
Me, it came from my childhood. I sat in front of an endless azure blue sea and never felt the closeness to God as I felt at that time...and believe that is the time I found myself. It was hugely spiritual, while realizing, that he, (meaning my now ex) did the very best he was able to do, mentally, due to the way he was raised) but, why did I accept so little, why did I marry someone who wasn't capable of treating me the way he should have, and why did I, allow him to treat me the way I did. In there lies your answers.
The answers to all your questions, won't come from him, they lay in waiting within yourself. We all have this idea of what we think a marriage should be, and it is up to you, to mature, and grow from this, so you don't make the same mistake again.
Make sure, you go to every possible length to find yourself, and do self examination, before you get involved with anyone.
Do not ever marry for all the wrong reasons. Put your children before any replacement of a relationship.
There isn't anything you can't do, if you put your mind to it.
Wishing you the best and believe me, it will get better.
One thing, it bothers me, that he wants to stay there....he is a snake for doing so.
Don't you leave until you meet with an attorney first.
and then do not do anything out of revenge....share everything and make him help you with the kids...but do not take him to the cleaners, regardless of what anyone tells you.
One more thing, do not ever, use the children to hurt him. Allow them to be with him when they want...even if it hurts....unless of course, he is abusive....but never play tug of war with them....
Always ask them where they want to be, and make certain, you never show them the hurt you feel, if they decide they want to be with him.
Hugs.
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