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I have been dating a woman long distance since the beginning of 2017.
On my most recent visit I showed her something on my phone and she happened to see other women in the contacts on my WhatsApp. I will admit there are quite a few women in my Whatsapp contacts but they are older conversations from 2016 or earlier.
She immediately became suspicious and thinks I am a player and just using her. I have been 100 percent loyal and sincere with this woman since we began dating.
Some context: We have known each other for 2 years and when we started dating early this year we agreed to be exclusive and not date other people. We first met in person 2 years ago but did not try to have a romantic relationship due to the distance though we were both very interested.
Should I have deleted all (or many) of these older female contacts? Many of them were women I never actually met in person. I can see how it looks bad that a guy has a rolodex of women in his phone but I am not a guy sleeps around a lot. I only slept with one woman in 2016 for example. But the woman I have been dating in 2017 must think otherwise. She said she no longer wants to see me. End of story.
Is there anything I can say that will change her mind?
I have been dating a woman long distance since the beginning of 2017.
On my most recent visit I showed her something on my phone and she happened to see other women in the contacts on my WhatsApp. I will admit there are quite a few women in my Whatsapp contacts but they are older conversations from 2016 or earlier.
She immediately became suspicious and thinks I am a player and just using her. I have been 100 percent loyal and sincere with this woman since we began dating.
Some context: We have known each other for 2 years and when we started dating early this year we agreed to be exclusive and not date other people. We first met in person 2 years ago but did not try to have a romantic relationship due to the distance though we were both very interested.
Should I have deleted all (or many) of these older female contacts? Many of them were women I never actually met in person. I can see how it looks bad that a guy has a rolodex of women in his phone but I am not a guy sleeps around a lot. I only slept with one woman in 2016 for example. But I think the woman I have been dating in 2017 thinks otherwise. She said she no longer wants to see me.
Wow, she already has broken it off?
Maybe she was looking for an excuse to do so... At any rate...
With it being long-distance, of course you should be extra careful to avoid giving off the impression that you're doing anything other than what you promised to each other. You would think she would recognize that your handing her your phone showed that you had nothing to hide, but she apparently thought otherwise.
When we met 2 years ago it was by chance in her city. We enjoyed a few days together and I said I would come back soon. Well, after sometime back home, I broke it off telling her the distance was too much. We remained friendly and kept in touch once in a while.
Fast forward to Dec. 2016, I did a mea culpa and said I wanted to have something serious with her. She agreed to give it a try. She did just end a bad relationship at the end of 2016 with a guy who was a big time cheater.
Everything seemed to be going fine until this phone thing happened.
So, she's getting upset without even finding out whether these women may or may not... oh, I don't know... be related to you, first???? I have several cousins who are married and don't have the same last name as I do (actually, only one of them shares a surname with me because my father only had one brother and he only had one daughter).
I've jumped the gun on similar matters - saw something that didn't look kosher and made assumptions rather than asking about it. It's a really dumb move to make and doesn't make the person doing it appear fit to be in a mature relationship, but rather, jealous, possessive and insecure.
I've jumped the gun on similar matters - saw something that didn't look kosher and made assumptions rather than asking about it. It's a really dumb move to make and doesn't make the person doing it appear fit to be in a mature relationship, but rather, jealous, possessive and insecure.
I agree with you. Though I'd only add in her defense the women in my WhatsApp contacts/chats were NOT relatives. They were at one time potential dating prospects; however, I do note they were all in the PAST.
I have been dating a woman long distance since the beginning of 2017.
On my most recent visit I showed her something on my phone and she happened to see other women in the contacts on my WhatsApp. I will admit there are quite a few women in my Whatsapp contacts but they are older conversations from 2016 or earlier.
She immediately became suspicious and thinks I am a player and just using her. I have been 100 percent loyal and sincere with this woman since we began dating.
Some context: We have known each other for 2 years and when we started dating early this year we agreed to be exclusive and not date other people. We first met in person 2 years ago but did not try to have a romantic relationship due to the distance though we were both very interested.
Should I have deleted all (or many) of these older female contacts? Many of them were women I never actually met in person. I can see how it looks bad that a guy has a rolodex of women in his phone but I am not a guy sleeps around a lot. I only slept with one woman in 2016 for example. But the woman I have been dating in 2017 must think otherwise. She said she no longer wants to see me. End of story.
Is there anything I can say that will change her mind?
Say that you'll move to where she is because apparently she doesn't trust you enough for a long distance relationship to work. And if you want it to work, someone is going to have to move eventually anyway.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 670,152 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astral_Weeks
I agree with you. Though I'd only add in her defense the women in my WhatsApp contacts/chats were NOT relatives. They were at one time potential dating prospects; however, I do note they were all in the PAST.
Why do you still have all of the phone numbers of those potential dating prospects that are in your past? Do you still keep them on your WhatsApp contact list so you can keep your options open? I ask you this because I think this is what she may be thinking. Not only that, but she just broke up with a CHEATER only 4 months ago...
If she's receptive to giving you a chance to explain, reiterate to her that those phone numbers were from the women YOU USED TO date and NO LONGER date. Ask her if it would make her feel more at ease if you deleted those numbers and see what she says (assuming you want to delete them because you said these women are in your PAST).
Why do you still have all of the phone numbers of those potential dating prospects that are in your past? Do you still keep them on your WhatsApp contact list so you can keep your options open? I ask you this because I think this is what she may be thinking. Not only that, but she just broke up with a CHEATER only 4 months ago...
If she's receptive to giving you a chance to explain, reiterate to her that those phone numbers were from the women YOU USED TO date and NO LONGER date. Ask her if it would make her feel more at ease if you deleted those numbers and see what she says (assuming you want to delete them because you said these women are in your PAST).
You hit the nail on the head here AprilFlowers:
Those are women I USED to date and I admit it is probably odd I still have some of them in my phone. Some may be friends while others I have not seen in a LONG time nor have I contacted them in a LONG time. Probably just as a last resort if I happened to be single with no prospects again, etc.
And I will concede I have numbers of some women that I only dated very briefly from several years ago. So this is something that is a bit odd and I will in the future (actually starting now) just delete these old contacts as they are basically obsolete numbers.
So I think the sheer numbers of women in my phone PLUS her recent break up with a cheater sent her running for the hills. However, I'll note that I won't be surprised if she goes back to the cheater. He lives in her city, etc.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 670,152 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astral_Weeks
You hit the nail on the head here AprilFlowers:
Those are women I USED to date and I admit it is probably odd I still have some of them in my phone. Some may be friends while others I have not seen in a LONG time nor have I contacted them in a LONG time. Probably just as a last resort if I happened to be single with no prospects again, etc.
And I will concede I have numbers of some women that I only dated very briefly from several years ago. So this is something that is a bit odd and I will in the future (actually starting now) just delete these old contacts as they are basically obsolete numbers.
So I think the sheer numbers of women in my phone PLUS her recent break up with a cheater sent her running for the hills. However, I'll note that I won't be surprised if she goes back to the cheater. He lives in her city, etc.
Did she block you from social media and her phone? If not, have you thought of sending her a text (or a FB message) explaining to her that those phone numbers are women that you used to date in your past and you just never got around to deleting them from your contact list? You can also tell her that you've already deleted them. If you took the time and effort to reach out to her and tell her this, she may take it as a sign of genuine interest and concern on your part - something that a lot of guys don't bother with anymore. She's still hurting from the break up of her last relationship; and I'm sure spotting all of those women on your contact list triggered her BIG time.
If she's a woman with self-respect, integrity and intelligence, I highly doubt she's going to go back to a slime ball that cheated on her, regardless of his proximity to her location.
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