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Just to give you some context, I am currently in the Washington, DC area and the woman I recently met online is in the IT/hacker field. Meaning, she is a very logical thinker and has spent most of her life, as many people in DC, chasing her career. She has been and always wanted to be a computer hacker since her teen years. Especially in DC, it can be hard for me because I run into many women who lack some of the emotional/nurturing elements when dealing with men. Flirting often goes over their heads for some reason.
So, yesterday we had our first talk. She is actually pretty cool and she knows how to shut off the intellect. We actually even discussed how she hates when her co-workers stay in networking/career mode during happy hours. During our first conversation, she brought up her 2 year old several times and actually went on and on about how her mother babysat for the weekend. After, she mentioned her daughter again being first in her life and a few other times. Besides that, the conversation went actually well.
Today, she text me and I asked how she was. Her first and only response was that she had "just finished feeding and bathing the little one". Now, I don't mind her having a child and I know it comes with the package, but I have 3 questions:
1- is that natural for her to be so open and direct about her 2 year old? (not being sensitive to the fact that it is our 2nd interaction?
2- Am I overthinking this and/or do I have a right to be curious?
3- how do I continue to gauge her on her bringing up her daughter and how do I passively bring it up without getting the old "well, this is my daughter and she comes first" backlash?
What do you mean by 'gauge her on bringing up her daughter'? Are you looking for some sort of scale of devotion to see how you could fit in?
1. Yes, it is natural. She's been totally engaged with that child for 3 years and it is hard for her to think of anything outside that role of Mother. If you're interested, you can help her with that.
2> Curious about what? She wants you to know how impt the child is, and it is likely she has little else to talk about. If you're interested, find out what she likes to do and take her out for a fun date. Give her something else to talk about. But honor her role as a mother.
4. If you aren't interested in parenting, step away. Now.
2-yr-olds are pretty small and helpless, therefore requiring a lot of adult care & attention. IOW, her life pretty much has to revolve around this dependent little thing, when she's not at work. She can't just pretend it doesn't exist. It's going to come up in the conversation. She's used to being a mom at all times, when not at work, except when her parents might babysit. She's probably NOT used to being in the dating pool, so she probably doesn't act like a typical dater.
You're second. If that is a problem for you move on. It was about the fourth of fifth reason why I would avoid a woman with a child that young. Older is a different story. I've done the really young child thing and it's a drag.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 5 days ago)
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Halfamazing, your post is extremely concerning. This woman isn't for you. She has a daughter, who comes first (and she should), and you're acting like she keeps mentioning some concerning condition like still being very hung up on an ex. Um, "is it natural for her to be so open and direct"? Yes, actually it is.
Considering the number of men who have relationships with women and they REALLY only want the woman and not the toddler - and then they go on to be either extremely careless or downright abusive - your post falls into that category. You want the woman, and are surprised that she keeps mentioning this unattractive liability, the child.
Please post back that you've declined to pursue the relationship, and are looking only at women who have no children. Err, no distractions. Like, why does this woman keep talking about her CATS?
Edited to add: Honestly, in relooking, I'm hoping this is a hoax post meant to stir up a fury. If so, well played, sir.
1- I am well aware of her NEARLY 2 year old child being priority and I am not taking that away from her.
2- Children wasn't on her profile and I had just found out yesterday. I wasn't expecting her to have a child.
3- No offense but based on these initial responses, I suspect that people are used to giving advice to the poor ignorant lol. I already said in my post that I understand it is a package deal. I just wanted some perspective...
Work with me here because I sense a bit of cut/dry responses in thinking I don't understand the dynamics at play here. I most certainly have a right to be somewhat curious of the matter, considering I have never dated a women with a child so young and who isn't even 2 yet. So, step back a little bit because I am just trying to gain some perspective here.
Logical thinkers will say to accept her or step away now- cut and dry. As a feeler, I won't be so quick to me mentioning my dying mother on the first text. That is all I am saying....
No bueno. If you express *these* "concerns," that shouldn't even be concerns, then you should reconsider your interest in this woman.
If she hasn't dated in some time, it makes sense that she may be stuck in "mom mode" outside of work. Just like you state it's difficult to find people who aren't essentially married to their careers, her role as a mother is part of her identity, and if that is too much for you, perhaps you're just not compatible.
1- I am well aware of her NEARLY 2 year old child being priority and I am not taking that away from her.
2- Children wasn't on her profile and I had just found out yesterday. I wasn't expecting her to have a child.
3- No offense but based on these initial responses, I suspect that people are used to giving advice to the poor ignorant lol. I already said in my post that I understand it is a package deal. I just wanted some perspective...
Work with me here because I sense a bit of cut/dry responses in thinking I don't understand the dynamics at play here. I most certainly have a right to be somewhat curious of the matter, considering I have never dated a women with a child so young and who isn't even 2 yet. So, step back a little bit because I am just trying to gain some perspective here.
Logical thinkers will say to accept her or step away now- cut and dry. As a feeler, I won't be so quick to me mentioning my dying mother on the first text. That is all I am saying....
What EXACTLY do you want to know so we can "work with you"?
It sucks that she didn't mention that she has children. That's weird. Sometimes women who date online are wary of being targeted by child predators who date them specifically FOR access to their children. That doesn't seem to be her concern, but I don't think this is something that can be left off a profile.
Do YOU have kids?
At any rate, I can't tell what it is that you, as a "feeler," need to know.
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