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Hey everyone. I have been dating someone for a little over 3 months. I know its been kind of short, but we both get along real well and we both see a future here. Here's the problem....She's got a lot going on in her life: work stress/busyness plus helping out her mom when needed plus stuff that (As she put it) I don't even know about.
The thing is I like her a lot and of course want to hang out with her a few times a week and I ask her about it. She has had to cancel on me a few times and I always respond along the lines of " I understand". Trying to show that I was looking forward to it but am not upset about this.
The thing is, apparently its been stressing her out as she doesn't feel like she can give me as much time as I "Need" even though I don't really "need" as much as I am asking for. We had a talk about it and how she hates letting me down, and though it was productive she came over a few days later to hang out but ended up having a "Talk" with me and left, basically saying she's got too much going on right now. She never said she wanted to break things off but the tone was there. She did mention that I was perfect for her, but she also needed a little space. After processing the whole thing after she left I texted her and asked a few questions. Her response was along the lines of "I don't want to answer any questions, please not today, not right now, not this week. We both need time to think".
Later on that day she did let me know that her heart was broken over this.
After giving it a few days, I texted her back and said that I had been thinking and wanted to talk. I told her that I will respect her wishes to not talk this week, and asked if at some point we could talk about us. She said yes, maybe we can reconnect next week.
Here's my question. I understand if she's got a lot going on and if she's just too stressed out she may not want to be in a relationship, even if she has feelings for me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to persuade her in any direction, but I do want to let her know that I am willing to work this out and do what I need to to support her needs and need for space/personal time. How should I approach this? I like her a lot and would like to continue this if she wants too, and am willing to work with her. Thanks for the advice!
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
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anonym, I think I'd put a deadline on this. Say, first of July or so. Keep in contact every other day or so, with just a text with an interesting pic, or "thinking about you hope you're having a good day". If things don't markedly improve, it's probably time to move on.
I'm curious about the "stuff you don't even know about", and it doesn't seem she can put a timeline on when she'll have time for you. There are some people who have a very clear and obvious stressful schedule - they're finishing up a master's degree, working part time and have an ailing parent and no other siblings to help out. In that kind of situation, you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey everyone. I have been dating someone for a little over 3 months. I know its been kind of short, but we both get along real well and we both see a future here. Here's the problem....She's got a lot going on in her life: work stress/busyness plus helping out her mom when needed plus stuff that (As she put it) I don't even know about.
The thing is I like her a lot and of course want to hang out with her a few times a week and I ask her about it. She has had to cancel on me a few times and I always respond along the lines of " I understand". Trying to show that I was looking forward to it but am not upset about this.
The thing is, apparently its been stressing her out as she doesn't feel like she can give me as much time as I "Need" even though I don't really "need" as much as I am asking for. We had a talk about it and how she hates letting me down, and though it was productive she came over a few days later to hang out but ended up having a "Talk" with me and left, basically saying she's got too much going on right now. She never said she wanted to break things off but the tone was there. She did mention that I was perfect for her, but she also needed a little space. After processing the whole thing after she left I texted her and asked a few questions. Her response was along the lines of "I don't want to answer any questions, please not today, not right now, not this week. We both need time to think".
Later on that day she did let me know that her heart was broken over this.
After giving it a few days, I texted her back and said that I had been thinking and wanted to talk. I told her that I will respect her wishes to not talk this week, and asked if at some point we could talk about us. She said yes, maybe we can reconnect next week.
Here's my question. I understand if she's got a lot going on and if she's just too stressed out she may not want to be in a relationship, even if she has feelings for me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to persuade her in any direction, but I do want to let her know that I am willing to work this out and do what I need to to support her needs and need for space/personal time. How should I approach this? I like her a lot and would like to continue this if she wants too, and am willing to work with her. Thanks for the advice!
So next week comes and the same thing will happen. She will say it is not the right time.
People are busy. I'm busy. You are busy. She is busy. Guess what. If she cared about you, she would make the time. My advice: talk, not text her, and tell this girl (not woman) that you are moving on. There are other women.
Later on that day she did let me know that her heart was broken over this.
Broken over what? What's there to have a broken heart over? There was no breakup, according to what you told us, so what's she talking about?
What I got from the story is that she said she was really into you. She said you're perfect for her, but she has too much going on right now. I don't see a problem here. Even you, yourself, said you've been asking for more time from her than you really need, so just dial it back a bit. Give her two weeks, for starters. Maybe don't even contact her for 2 weeks, not even to text, "Hi, thinking of you! I hope you're ok", because even that might lead her to feel pushed. Give her a real breather, and then, in week 3, ask her if she's up for getting together to talk and discuss.
Jeez, what is it with - we have to be in contact everyday or at very least once a week so I can stalk err know you are into me.
OP, you are not gonna die if you don't talk to her for a week or God forbid, 2 weeks , are you? I don't know I mean what is she busy with anyway? Work? School? What? If you know it is really legit she is a busy woman and she has the decency to 'talk' to you that she will be, at least, that week, then, what's your problem?
Actually what's the problem with all of you wanting to have constant contact with people? Jeez watch TV or something. You ever think of that?
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I understand". Trying to show that I was looking forward to it but am not upset about this. 
, are you? I don't know I mean what is she busy with anyway? Work? School? What? If you know it is really legit she is a busy woman and she has the decency to 'talk' to you that she will be, at least, that week, then, what's your problem?
