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OMG! I'm very sorry to hear of this my love and yes prison is the best place for him
L.C., my old Praed Street sidekick, I know you sincerely mean well, YOU know that you mean well, but there are a few female correspondents on here, and elsewhere, who will cop the needle when someone they don't know calls them love.
They see it almost as a surreptitious approach, one that isn't welcome.
Obviously they're not all like that, but it's best not to take a chance on annoying any of them I feel.
The last thing any of us need is women on the war path, they make wonderful friends, but they can be evil enemies.
For the benefit of our American cousins, copping the needle is like getting seriously p**sed, or ticked off.
Whoops! Shouldn't mention "Our American Cousin", $5 Abe was watching that play when he was shot in 1865.
Last edited by Jean-Francois; 05-12-2017 at 06:06 PM..
Reason: Removed superfluous word.
L.C., my old Praed Street sidekick, I know you sincerely mean well, YOU know that you mean well, but there are a few female correspondents on here, and elsewhere, who will cop the needle when someone they don't know calls them love.
They see it almost as a surreptitious approach, one that isn't welcome.
Obviously they're not all like that, but it's best not to take a chance on annoying any of them I feel.
The last thing any of us need is women on the war path, they make wonderful friends, but they can be evil enemies.
For the benefit of our American cousins, copping the needle is like getting seriously p**sed, or ticked off.
Whoops! Shouldn't mention "Our American Cousin", $5 Abe was watching that play when he was shot in 1865.
Mate I know you mean well and thank you for being caring enough to mention it but as a I'm a regular on here they really do KNOW it's just a polite term of endearment from myself when I'm talking to a lady especially the American ones and not a come on or anything, same as when I'm talking to a fella and use mate
As with anything it depends on who and how it's said if it's polite and respectful like I do then it never goes a miss and taken the wrong way
Mate I know you mean well and thank you for being caring enough to mention it but as a I'm a regular on here they really do KNOW it's just a polite term of endearment from myself when I'm talking to a lady especially the American ones and not a come on or anything, same as when I'm talking to a fella and use mate
As with anything it depends on who and how it's said if it's polite and respectful like I do then it never goes a miss and taken the wrong way
Depends on your definition. Some surveys include personal compliments or anything that made you uncomfortable.
Personally? My definition of sexual harassment as any behavior that cannot be corrected by my expressing my dislike, or threat of my career or position if I do not behave and/or perform in a certain way.
By my definition, I have never been sexually harassed. Have I had to express my discomfort at behavior from the opposite sex? Yes, and they changed how they acted/spoke in regards to my request.
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Mate I know you mean well and thank you for being caring enough to mention it but as a I'm a regular on here they really do KNOW it's just a polite term of endearment from myself when I'm talking to a lady especially the American ones and not a come on or anything, same as when I'm talking to a fella and use mate
As with anything it depends on who and how it's said if it's polite and respectful like I do then it never goes a miss and taken the wrong way
And thank you L.C. for accepting that I meant well when I stuck my 5c in.
I'm not in the habit of digging out my home town brethren, and I was more than pleasantly surprised when Wmsn4Life chimed in on your side with a free pass.
The fact that the American sisterhood find nothing untoward in being addressed as 'love', and recognise a stand-up guy from a chancer warms the cockles of my heart.
More's the pity that a lot of women on this side can't understand that it's just a figure of our speech when we call them love, we're not relegating them to second class prospective members of our harems.
Aww, J-F, my cockles are warmed by your thoughtfulness and you seem like a kind person.
As an honored recent (American female) recipient of LC's love, I can also say he gets a pass, but then, I don't mind being called any positive terms (love, my dear, sweetie, honey - it's all good!). I don't tend to use them myself, but being from the South, I'm used to it. I generally find such terms endearing and charming, and even more so when read in a British dialect!
Back on topic, I'm in my 40s now, and honestly don't recall ever being sexually harassed personally. I'm pretty average looking, with a RBF (resting ***** face) and a somewhat alternative style, so maybe the combination discourages it. I don't deny or discount that it probably does happen to most women, however.
Last edited by MrsRhythm; 05-13-2017 at 06:17 AM..
Depends on your definition. Some surveys include personal compliments or anything that made you uncomfortable.
Personally? My definition of sexual harassment as any behavior that cannot be corrected by my expressing my dislike, or threat of my career or position if I do not behave and/or perform in a certain way.
By my definition, I have never been sexually harassed. Have I had to express my discomfort at behavior from the opposite sex? Yes, and they changed how they acted/spoke in regards to my request.
That's a good point, and as we've seen on this board, not all sexist behavior that women deal with would be considered harassment, and every woman has her own definition of what crosses the line.
If you scroll through the Everyday Sexism board, some of the stories are appalling, and some are blown out of proportion, but it does highlight the constant barrage of crap people have to put up with: https://everydaysexism.com/
Fairly frequently, though less now that I have a car.
The first time I was catcalled, I was 11 walking down the street with an 11 year old friend. I developed early and have been busty since puberty, but there was no denying we were kids. A man in a car approached from behind catcalling us, then slowed down to follow us. It was terrifying - and not the last time it's happened. I take long walks listening to audiobooks and tend to get an uncomfortable encounter at least once a week, though I live in a very safe neighborhood. My walk is purposefully near a college campus with emergency call boxes every few hundred feet just in case.
There have been several instances on public transit where men wouldn't give up or even followed me, despite me throwing out everything I could ("no", "I'm not interested", "I'm on my way to meet my boyfriend," etc). One time, I made the mistake of making eye contact at a bus stop. The bus route was long, it was late at night, and the next bus wasn't for another hour. When we got on, he sat in front of me, turned around, and kept asking for my number. I politely declined, put my headphones on and pulled a book out, but he wouldn't stop. At one point, he told me he missed his stop so he could keep talking to me (note: I wasn't talking back). I moved, he followed. There were plenty of people watching, but no one intervened. Did they not see how uncomfortable I was? How scared? I ended up getting off at a stop far from my home but where there was a police station. The guy followed me off the bus, but when he saw I was heading for the police, he scurried off. It was incredibly frightening.
One thing I've noticed is whenever someone has intervened in street or public transit harassment, it's always been another woman. I've intervened as well when there were tons of men around sitting on their tushes, like once when a guy was taking every opportunity on a subway to "fall" into a few young women and rub up against them. They were Asian tourists and didn't speak English, but were obviously uncomfortable - I noticed two businessmen in front of me exchanging glances over it. They knew what was up, but 22 year old me had to physically stand in between this guy and the young women.
At work, there is one man in particular who makes every woman he works with uncomfortable. For younger women, he acts like a mentor but then makes sexually suggestive comments. For older women, he insults them based on their gender and appearance. For years, HR knew but didn't do anything because he helped bring in money from several powerful donors. Now, we have new leadership in HR and a new president who several staff members went to as they were leaving to inform of the toxic nature of that department. Now, he is on a probation plan where he had to inform all the women in his department as well as any other women he works with, myself included, that he's on probation from HR. Of course, he's already started skirting that line. He's in his 50s - not ready to retire, but you wouldn't know it from his lack of care in his behavior. To make matters worse, he has daughters around the age of many of the women he has harassed, myself included.
This is one of my milder stories: Back in college in the 70's I had a job at a pizza place and a boss that I really liked as he was funny and liked my work. I walked the few blocks to work every day but one night it snowed really hard and he offered to take me and a male coworker home and I didn't think anything of it. He took the male coworker home first and then me and tried to get a kiss out of me as I was getting out and I kindly refused with a comment about us just being friends, esp since I knew he was married with kids. I figured I'd handled it well but the next day I went to work and was informed by the asst manager, with a wide smirk, that I was being "laid off" since they didn't like the way I wiped the tables! Too cowardly to even fire me himself and I had no recourse in those days.
Another one, also in college. I was on a first date with a nice young man--the kind you could introduce to momma. I figured I was making progress moving away from my type, which was scruffy hippie long hair and jeans dragging the floor. We were on a group date, hanging out with several other couples and playing different types of games like darts and fusboll and several other games. I have never been good at these but for some reason I was batting 1000 that night and winning most of them. I wasn't even trying either--I think I had hit the sweet spot with the alcohol and had drank just enough to loosen up but wasn't drunk. By the end of the evening as I was ready to go home, my date had steam coming out of his ears b/c he was supposedly good at all those games, and instead of going to the car, he waited till everyone left and then started dragging me to the bedroom and tried to rape me. I had on jeans and he couldn't get the button undone so as soon as I could I lit out of there but then had to walk the 5-10 miles home in the middle of the night. My theory is that it really hurt his masculinity to have me win those games that he considered himself so good at, while they were ones that I rarely played but of course that is no excuse for behavior like that. Fortunately I never saw him again.
Is it something you have dealt with a lot? Or are currently dealing with?
Cat calls, groping, rubbing, grinding, endless unwanted touching...and strangely have never really thought of myself as a victim of assault.
Though I suppose having someone rub their crotch on you in a crowd probably does count...
I think sadly most women think that these are just things they're going to have to put up with it on a day-to-day basis. The sad thing is I'm pretty tough and outspoken. I wonder what happens to the meeker ones.
Nowadays the harassment has mostly stopped and the condescending mansplaining and being mistaken for the help rather than the authority still looms large.
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I can also say he gets a pass, but then, I don't mind being called any positive terms (love, my dear, sweetie, honey - it's all good!). I don't tend to use them myself, but being from the South, I'm used to it. I generally find such terms endearing and charming, and even more so when read in a British dialect! 
