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No, not at all. I'm wondering id some sort of counseling would help, couples or individual
She could use individual counseling, but she has to want it herself, genuinely. She would need to admit and believe that she has issues, and sincerely want to get to the bottom of them, and change. That doesn't seem likely to happen.
If you find the need to "fix" the person you're with to shoehorn them into the family and into your criteria for a partner, that's a sign that you need to move on. Unless she's already expressed, sometime in the course of 5 years, some concern with her own behavior or problems making friends, or something like that.
SO I just got an email form my older sister, CCd my entire family. I guess they had a conference call (seems a little bizzare) and decided me and my GF are basically disinvited from any family event, memorial day vaca included, unless my GF makes things right, apologizes and starts being nice to everyone. It seems that no one in my family is a fan of my GF and many have been biting their lip for my sake. This is getting a bit insane for my taste, it almost reads like some bad 80s movie. Its out of hand, I still don't really know what to do with this
OP, a train wreck has occurred between your gf and your family. A full-blown train wreck, documented by email. You've already spoken to her about the issue several times, and she hasn't changed.
And you truly don't know what to do with it? Or you don't want to face the inevitable, and keep hoping for a magic bullet?
At this point your choices are: a) hold a gun to her head and make her go for individual counseling (this wouldn't work), b) cut yourself off from your family for life, marry her, and deal with whatever she throws your way over the years, or c) cut bait and find a normal person who can handle your family appropriately, and with whom you have things in common.
SO I just got an email form my older sister, CCd my entire family. I guess they had a conference call (seems a little bizzare) and decided me and my GF are basically disinvited from any family event, memorial day vaca included, unless my GF makes things right, apologizes and starts being nice to everyone. It seems that no one in my family is a fan of my GF and many have been biting their lip for my sake. This is getting a bit insane for my taste, it almost reads like some bad 80s movie. Its out of hand, I still don't really know what to do with this
From my experience, most women do....or am I imagining 42 years of life experience? Also, was not a family function just a mutual friends party
Even worse.
OP, expect the rest of your lifetime to be tied up in unnecessary dramatics if you stay with this woman and it is that simple.
Your choice to continue to not deal with this huge issue or to find someone who is more compatable with you and your family.
I think we are done. she will be moving out at the end of this month. maybe it's for the best. I want to make sure we separate on civil terms, any tips?
I think we are done. she will be moving out at the end of this month. maybe it's for the best. I want to make sure we separate on civil terms, any tips?
Wow. She said that? She said she's moving out? Or is this you putting your foot down, without informing her, yet?
You want to part on civil terms? Well, that would be up to her in part, and frankly, her track record doesn't look promising in that regard, but you can try. All you can do is tell her you're sorry, but family is important to you, and it's all a bit too much turmoil for you to handle. We'll see if she really shows you her true colors, or if she takes the high road.
she knows what's going on. we had a talk, about us being uninvited from all family events and holidays, and she said she will move out. I'm a bit surprised, I thought she would do anything to make things work. maybe it has to be this way. I've told her long time ago that her negative view of my family, little nasty comments etc was going to destroy our relationship. looks like i knew what I was talking about. I'm hoping for a clean break but will prepare just in case. man, this is hard
she knows what's going on. we had a talk, about us being uninvited from all family events and holidays, and she said she will move out. I'm a bit surprised, I thought she would do anything to make things work. maybe it has to be this way. I've told her long time ago that her negative view of my family, little nasty comments etc was going to destroy our relationship. looks like i knew what I was talking about. I'm hoping for a clean break but will prepare just in case. man, this is hard
You thought you really had something important, meaningful with her, but it turns out she's not interested in even trying to be civil, much less dealing with whatever her personality issues are. That should tell you something about her. You'd misjudged her, or missed some red flags earlier on in the relationship, or something. It may be hard for now, OP, but after it's all over and you've had time to get over it, you may find yourself relieved.
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