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IMO you should'nt make any decisions right away. Give her this time she is asking for. In the meantime continue to get out there and live your life. After a short time if she does not continue call or make time for you it will be evident that you should break up. If she does choose to call or see you you will know that she really did just need to think things over or devote time to other things for a while. You would be suprised how appealing you may become to her if you don't make yourself readily availible.
I agree - and would add, avoid a formal breakup scene. Just fade out, don't call, stay friendly but go back to living your life - the way you were then was attractive to her in the first place.
Ok sorry for the delay. I didn't break up with her, but I told her I am keeping my options open, and what do I get in response? Tears! Lots of tears!
"Why would you do that"? she asks...
"What am I? Some sort of masochist? You really expect me to wait around with the possibility of falling for some other guy? I'd be the biggest chump on the planet if I did that".
She has been e-mailing me pretty much all day and I have been somewhat short with her, and she asks me why I am so quiet, and I told her again that I hope this works but I am not getting my hopes up, so she then asks if I want to go on a trip with her this weekend to Pennsylvania.
Men are basic; women are complicated. But I think Hoboken, if I may say, - didn't you post another situation with this woman a few months back wherein she was seeing a guy friend and you were worried, but she called you that night or came over and all was right with the world? I think you might be somewhat insecure, but try not to act on it. See how it goes. Try to relax a little. Take the advice of another poster who said, live your life, don't live for her at this point until she acts as if she wants the same thing.
But in all fairness, I could see why you would be insecure with her ups and downs. That would drive anyone crazy. You guys need to talk it out in depth and learn to what end each of you expects this relationship to go so it's all in the open, and no guessing.
Men are basic; women are complicated. But I think Hoboken, if I may say, - didn't you post another situation with this woman a few months back wherein she was seeing a guy friend and you were worried, but she called you that night or came over and all was right with the world? I think you might be somewhat insecure, but try not to act on it. See how it goes. Try to relax a little. Take the advice of another poster who said, live your life, don't live for her at this point until she acts as if she wants the same thing.
I'm very insecure, and you guys are right, I am going to live my life, and if she wants to continue, fine, if not, then that's fine too.
You have to ask yourself what it is you want in a relationship. If you are looking for a wife then you have one set of criteria, if you are looking for someone to hang out with then you have a different set of criteria.
I once knew a woman that was dating a man for 2 or 3 years and he didn't want to get married. She really enjoyed being with him, he treated her like a queen, and it was the best relationship she ever had, but she was ticked off because he didn't want to get married. She finally gave him an ultimatum... either marry me or I am leaving you.
Sometimes having someone to spend SOME time with and enjoy their company has to be enough. She certainly wasn't happier being all alone than she had been being with him but unmarried. Think about it. Spending SOME time with her might be better than NO time.
Ok sorry for the delay. I didn't break up with her, but I told her I am keeping my options open, and what do I get in response? Tears! Lots of tears!
"Why would you do that"? she asks...
"What am I? Some sort of masochist? You really expect me to wait around with the possibility of falling for some other guy? I'd be the biggest chump on the planet if I did that".
She has been e-mailing me pretty much all day and I have been somewhat short with her, and she asks me why I am so quiet, and I told her again that I hope this works but I am not getting my hopes up, so she then asks if I want to go on a trip with her this weekend to Pennsylvania.
Women are a strange animal, I swear.
Okay. Do you like this woman? Is she someone that you'd like to have as a long term girlfriend?
If she isn't girlfriend material and only worth being an FWB with, cut her loose now.
But if you like her and want her as a girlfriend, you need to work things out with her. Both of you have to be happy in this relationship. She pulled back because she probably was thinking that you only wanted sex from her. And by you being so quick to throw in the towel hurt her feelings and made her worst feelings come true, that you only wanted her for sex. Had you told her that you wanted to work on the relationship, then she would know that you care about her. It's only confusing to you because you are a guy. Women want love and romance, and they also want to feel that their man stays with them by his choice, not because she guilted him into staying or declaring his love for her. We want the love to be spontaneous on our man's part, not because we asked him to think about it.
So anyway, think hard about if you want her for your girlfriend. If you want a girlfriend, she's obviously into you. And try to be a little more romantic with her, show her respect and treat her like a lady. Surprise her and celebrate silly anniversaries like your one and two month anniversaries. Once you do that, she will reward you with lots of sex because us women know that's what guys really enjoy. So that's the big trade off. Give her the romance and you get the sex. Oh and don't call it "sex", refer to it as "making love".
Ok sorry for the delay. I didn't break up with her, but I told her I am keeping my options open, and what do I get in response? Tears! Lots of tears!
"Why would you do that"? she asks...
"What am I? Some sort of masochist? You really expect me to wait around with the possibility of falling for some other guy? I'd be the biggest chump on the planet if I did that".
She has been e-mailing me pretty much all day and I have been somewhat short with her, and she asks me why I am so quiet, and I told her again that I hope this works but I am not getting my hopes up, so she then asks if I want to go on a trip with her this weekend to Pennsylvania.
Women are a strange animal, I swear.
She was taking your feelings for granted and you told her how you felt the other night.
Wake up call. She either didn't think she was taking you for granted or she was testing you.
Either way, you woke her up and got her attention. If she's been emailing you and wants you to go on a trip with her, she got the message.
Give her another chance if you choose to.
Yes, us women are some strange creatures and everyones different but that's what keeps life interesting.
Why didn't you/don't you have an honest conversation with her basically stating what you posted here? Tell her that you feel a decline in her level of interest & give her examples as to what is making you feel that way. It might open the door for you both to talk about whatever elephant that you individually feel is in the room. Yeah 4 months isn't that long to be seeing someone but it sounds like, based upon her reaction and the way in which you posed the question, like you might have been developing something. So maybe just lay it on the table & have an honest conversation & see what comes out of it. It might be just a difference in expectations, a decline in the relationship, you may have jumped in to fast or anything. But without talking about it you won't really know what is on each other's minds.
Just dropped her off and we had a good talk tonight.
I told her I would appreciate it if she cut off communication with her ex who is just seeming to linger (trivial e-mails and always checking in on her). She did tell me that we are getting closer, but to give her more time so she can get closer to me because she doesn't want to get hurt.
I want to believe her, but for some reason, I think she is still not over her ex completely.
Also, give her a little time. She may not be over her ex yet, but you can't make her get over him any quicker. Just be yourself, treat her (and yourself) well and it will either work out or it won't.
I know you're afraid of getting hurt, but don't feel like you have to "break up" with her if things get weird. Just take a deep breath and see what happens.
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