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I have a fiance and we are getting married in april 2013 the only problem is his baby momma. They had a child together 7 years ago and she left him for another man and took the child with her, 3 years later she was arrested and put in jail for drug issues and his son was placed in his custody. He still has him to this day. His baby momma is a drug addict and down right unstable. She hasn't called or tried to see her son in 4 wks. Saturday she finds out that I am pregnant and calls him just to yell at him calling me nasty names and has enough balls to call me a drug addict when i have never done drugs in my life! Today I received a call from DHS. DHS is involved in our lives because his baby momma had their child removed from her care because she was on drugs. Anyways DHS called me today to find out why we haven't let her see her son in 4 wks. That is what she told them. I had to inform them that it has been her who hasn't bothered to call us or contact us to visit with him. She also told them im doing drugs and i am voluntary asking for a drug test just to prove that i am not on drugs! Im beyond pissed off with this woman. She has acted all nice to me from day one and now she is doing all of this because she found out im pregnant and shes mad about it. Im tired of the harassing phone calls and the lies being told to DHS and others. I dont know how to handle the situation right now and am looking for any advice. My fiance has refused to take her calls but that doesnt stop her from leaving nasty voice mails. I know hes right when he says shes just trying to get me upset and that ignoring her is the best way to go about this and that we shouldn't stoop to her level by arguing with her. He just want's the courts to get the visitation agreements signed so we only have to deal with her when she gets to see her son but I dont think that's going to happen anytime soon because she has been in way to much trouble lately that DHS won't let her have unsupervised visits with her son. I just need some advice on the best way to handle this. Any suggestions?
I am confused why you are the one handling this. Your fiancee should be the one talking to this woman. Why is he refusing to talk to her when they have a child together?
Yeah it sounds like she's just trying to upset you. Stress to your fiance that he has to tell her to stop (specifically harassing you, she has a right to call and talk about her child with the father). Mention restraining order to him and that should get him to say something.
Im handling it because he works third shift and sleeps during the day. Im the one stuck with all the phone calls. He is just ignoring her when it comes to things not related to the child they have together because he says it just makes her more mad when he tries to talk to her about it. The only reason she called us this weekend was because she found out im pregnant and she just wanted to yell at him about it so he ignored her which i dont blame him. He also hates confrontation and does just about anything to avoid it.
Hmmm.... and you still want to marry this drama? This situation will not go away. You are pregnant. Think about your baby...
Baby-momma will be around the next 11 years if not longer. Looks like she will make your life miserable, and your BF/husband will do nothing about, because he "hates confrontation".
I have SOME tangential experience with this sort of thing - you should definitely contact a lawyer. Also, definitely look into the restraining order.
Apart from a lawyer, here is what I would do, having hindsight from my own experience: Invest in a digital recorder and an earpiece (so you can record over the phone). Some states do not allow you to record phone conversations without permission, so make sure you ask her for permission and the confirm again when the tape is running. ONLY have recorded conversations with her if that is in any way possible. But your fiance should be the one doing the conversing, 3rd shift or not. Send her a certified letter (and send DHS the same letter) outlining when she may call - times that are convenient FOR HIM. Otherwise her calls will go straight to voicemail. ANY communication with her about boundaries or rules should be sent via certified letter. Keep the receipts and copies of the letters.
Frankly, I am very disturbed that he is leaving you to handle this. My ex NEVER left me to deal with the two crazy mothers of his children (one with each - don't ask), and trust me, he was actually terrified of both of them. (He had a misdemeanor record from years before, and they would frequently make up stuff to try and get him arrested because they knew it totally traumatized him. Fun times.) He was a pretty irresponsible guy, but he'd have taken a bullet before he'd have left me to handle ANYTHING with the baby mamas (god I hate that term). I was never allowed to be anything more than a witness to those interactions, until it came down to some very serious stuff and there was no other option but for me to get involved.
But basically, you need to document EVERYTHING - every abusive call, every missed visit, every bit of threatened violence, every sign that she is still using. The point is to get this woman's parental rights terminated. Because she's terrorizing your future stepkid - trust me, the kid is being affected by all this and not in a good way. This should be less about your annoyance than protecting the child from a monster who is going to taint his/her life with her crazy (and her abuse? Emotional or physical abuse is a definite possibility in these scenarios.). DEFINITELY move for supervised visitation, but she doesn't sound like she's going to pull herself together, because it sounds like she's using and has a personality disorder. The goal at this point should be to get her out of your lives, and especially her kid's life.
It does not matter what shift he works, this is HIS child and HIS responsibility. I personally would never submit to a drug test because some psycho drug addict told an idiot social worker I was doing drugs but I would not voluntarily be involved in this sort of drama either so for me it is a moot point. YOU need to stay out of it until she does something physically to you then you should do what you can to the extent of the law. Even though you live in the same home it is NONE of YOUR business and YOU should NOT be handling this especially since it is HIS child and YOU have NO LEGAL rights to say anything about what happens with this child.
Hey, your pregnant. Why wait till next April to get married ? Do it now.
Your BF is about to be Babies Daddies with Multiple Babies Mommas. He should get Fixed.
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