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Old 05-19-2017, 02:03 PM
 
4,286 posts, read 4,760,161 times
Reputation: 9640

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
Contra the OPs many assertions I also suspect it's gone physical.

There are SOOOOO many ways for two people at work to pull it off.

Heck, some even go to the extreme of border line exhibitionism even within the work place itself.
This was my thought too. Too many ways to hook up despite work schedules and OP would never know.
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
6,915 posts, read 3,948,844 times
Reputation: 12876
Quote:
Originally Posted by klmrocks View Post
Let me get this straight.

Your husband does not want to have sex with you.
He is talking to this other woman behind your back and in a very sexual/ flirty way.

What exactly are you waiting for. You marriage is long over. You have a room mate now. You married a lemon. Time for you to bounch. Why would you even consider forgiving someone for treating you so disrespectfully?

What I think is sad is this is how she describes him:

Quote:
He is old and average looking.
Wow... that's love for ya!!!

The man a woman marries is supposed to be the human embodiment to a Roman god in her eyes, even if everyone else thinks him unattractive.

I'm reminded of the movie Valley of the Dolls when Patty Duke comes home and finds her husband frolicking in their pool with "that little w****."

He says to her "that little w**** makes me feel 10 feet tall."
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:40 PM
 
7,449 posts, read 4,681,624 times
Reputation: 5526
This is the reason why girls should marry guys 30 years older. By the time you are 50, he's already in his 80s and would not have a chance to a 20 something.
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
6,915 posts, read 3,948,844 times
Reputation: 12876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yippeekayay View Post
This is the reason why girls should marry guys 30 years older. By the time you are 50, he's already in his 80s and would not have a chance to a 20 something.
Not true. I know of a man in his 90's who is shacking up (and having very satisfying sex) with a woman in her 30's, according to a friend who manages the apartment complex where he lives. My friend, who is in his 70's, calls this guy his "idol."
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,254 posts, read 64,351,440 times
Reputation: 73932
You can't be serious. You're worried that he's going to be angry?

Man, I would dump him just for his crappy grammar.

In all seriousness, those texts are outrageous and I don't see how you can stay with this dude. He would have had sex with her if she'd let him.
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:55 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,758 posts, read 19,964,416 times
Reputation: 43158
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroPatience View Post

April 26, 2017 - Him: Waaaa you never said "yes" Her: I know you need a hand in the shower idiot Doesn't this indicate they showered together at some time??

April 27 - he deletes all texts between the two of them MORE SHOWER TALK

May 3, 2017 - Him: Missing a pair of tightie whities. Have a look in your coveralls. Her: Oh god no Him: Don't be abusing them eh Doesn't this indicate they had sex???

Is this just me seeing the PROOF they had sex? This is very clear to me.
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Old 05-19-2017, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Canadian living in Mexico
55 posts, read 125,262 times
Reputation: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Strange, then, that he is being so flirty with this girl. Those were some pretty suggestive text messages that you posted!
I realised years ago that he must have pretended to like sex just as much as me before we got married. I don't like it but it was something I could put up with when everything else was good in the marriage. When it happens it's great. He's just not interested, loads of excuses like too tired, too drunk, etc, etc. To be honest, the reason he's not interested and why it's not a priority is b/c he takes care of himself and has nothing left for me. This has been an ongoing fight between us. But this has nothing to do with my original post.
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Old 05-19-2017, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,927,052 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroPatience View Post
This has been an ongoing fight between us. But this has nothing to do with my original post.
Well, it's all related, but that's really too complicated for us to fix.

I'm sorry that these are your circumstances.
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Old 05-19-2017, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Canadian living in Mexico
55 posts, read 125,262 times
Reputation: 123
I cannot go to his work, it's a secure site and you need a badge to scan to get onto the job site. So showing up there is impossible. There are cameras everywhere monitored by security. There is no way they could get it on at work. I am 100% sure it has not turned physical. If she let him, yes I do believe he would, many men would I think and so would many women. I don't think she will let him but it's not to say some other woman won't catch his eye and be more open to physical.

The texts he did delete, the ones I didn't see, I am positive they were far more sexual in nature than the ones he didn't delete,

He is average looking and hasn't aged well. He's still attractive to me because I love him but I can also see him as he is. His son got married 2 years ago and the minister thought I was my husband's daughter. I still get carded at the liquor store.

I can see why most people think I should leave after reading some of these replies. It sure doesn't seem as though he cares for me at all. I have decided to confront him. I am coming up with a plan and writing down what I want to say and hopefully I can remain calm but I am afraid I may end up losing my sh*t all over him. And frankly, he deserves it. I just need to pick a time that's right for me.
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Old 05-19-2017, 04:18 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,523,736 times
Reputation: 12549
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroPatience View Post
Yes what he is doing is wrong. I think he thinks "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" but I do know. He has taken simple flirtation to another level. She is flirting too but her responses aren't nearly as sexual. I think he wants to sext with her and she is not so willing. I know at 29 I would have thought a 54 y/o sending me these texts would gross me out.

I want to confront but somehow not let him know I've read all the texts. Of course that isn't possible. Following this woman on Instagram is creepy but not cause for divorce. The texts themselves aren't really cause for divorce. Confronting him, telling him he needs to stop and he does, great. Telling him to stop and he doesn't, that is cause for divorce. I've already been through one divorce, I don't really want to do it again.

Thank you all for your responses. Greatly appreciated.
I wrote something you can do that doesn't include you having to tell him about you going through his phone if it applies ( a few pages in I believe )

Edit: Sorry I've missed a lot of the thread today but I'll try and catch up when I can and figure out some way to help if ^^^^ doesn't apply

Last edited by Londoncowboy30; 05-19-2017 at 04:30 PM..
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