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What I think is sad is this is how she describes him:
Wow... that's love for ya!!!
The man a woman marries is supposed to be the human embodiment to a Roman god in her eyes, even if everyone else thinks him unattractive.
I'm reminded of the movie Valley of the Dolls when Patty Duke comes home and finds her husband frolicking in their pool with "that little w****."
He says to her "that little w**** makes me feel 10 feet tall."
But taken the context of the situation ex the way he is treating her why should build him up to be more then he really is.
I understand where she is coming from with that. When someone does something like that to you do really need to step back and look at the facts. He is not all that. So why does he feel it is okay to do this to her. I 100% feel from her. When a stranger or someone you know casually hurts you it is easier to let if roll off your back. When the person you marry ... the person that is suppose to have your back forever hurts you and disrespects you the way he is .... it is time to woman up and put him in his place. It is time for her to end it and take her pride back. If he thinks it is okay to treat her like that he is just no good and never will be. This was not a one time slip up. This is 100% crossing all lines. She needs to decide what she wants to do. Ex drain every shared account while he is not looking and then walk out with your pockets full ! She is right most people are not all that special.... they are usually only special be we make them special to us. He does not deserve to be treated with respect or compassion after the way her treated her. She needs to put her needs first and get out.
As far as I am concerned the only difference between my husband other men out there is that we have sex together. If we don't and he is physically capable ... why would I want to be locked in to being married to him? Back to the friend zone you go Mr. lol .
This is the reason why girls should marry guys 30 years older. By the time you are 50, he's already in his 80s and would not have a chance to a 20 something.
Yuck. I think I would pass... unless you like planning funerals more then anniversaries.
Oh trust me I've thought of that. I even drafted a letter to her asking her to tell him to stop but if she showed it to him that would be it, over.
Your problem is with HIM not HER. He's the one you're married to. Don't contact her. You will look completely pathetic. If he truly loves YOU and is committed to your marriage, he should be able to pass by an army of 20 year olds throwing themselves at him.
I am curious if he is her boss or if they are just peers? If he outranks her at work maybe she feels harassed by a creepy old guy and is afraid for her job. She may be texting him to placate him hoping he retires soon.
You've been married for seven years. The seven year itch is very real. After awhile the spark does wear off. It takes two to let a relationship wither.
God created impotence for a reason. Erectile dysfunction drugs and testosterone replacement are upsetting Nature's plan...LOL.
Sorry any middle aged married guy is probably going to be turned on by a woman in her 20's if she's even remotely attractive. You can't control someone's mind.
The problem is when actions cross the line. The texts are inappropriate.
Here's what I would do. Talk to him. Let him know that you love him and you feel like their relationship is not appropriate and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him if their relationship or texts have ever crossed the line? You already know the answer -- see if he lies. If he tells you the truth that is a good starting point to correct the situation.
If he lies about his behavior and is not honest -- then confront him with what you know. I'd have the texts printed off in advance with the inappropriate comments highlighted...LOL. Let him know if he wants to remain married to you that relationship better be all business all the time or you will leave him.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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IM a practical person so this is my advice. Don't confront him. Yet. IMO. Its better to negotiate from a position of power. So get your **** together. Do what you need to do to get that better job. Put some cash away in a secure place. Get ready to go. If you do decide to stay then you will still have some extra cash and a better job.
While your doing this really think about if you should stay or go or just divorce him in your mind and stay in place for now. You don't have to consider him in any of this. Remember. He didn't consider you. Do what's best for you. Go to a counselor by yourself if you think it will help.
In the meantime step up your game. New hairstyle. Update your wardrobe and makeup. When you leave the house always look like you're steppin out. Right now he feels safe and secure. Time to give him something to think about.
I'm evil so I would tell him I was going to see a counselor. Then I would leave the house made up to the nines in my sexiest dress and heels. And showing major boobage. If he's busy worrying about what you're up to he wont have time for his side chick.
IM a practical person so this is my advice. Don't confront him. Yet. IMO. Its better to negotiate from a position of power. So get your **** together. Do what you need to do to get that better job. Put some cash away in a secure place. Get ready to go. If you do decide to stay then you will still have some extra cash and a better job.
While your doing this really think about if you should stay or go or just divorce him in your mind and stay in place for now. You don't have to consider him in any of this. Remember. He didn't consider you. Do what's best for you.
Thank you. I am also practical and that is what I've been doing - preparing myself to leave. Due to circumstances I know I can't leave now. But soon I will be in a position. I know as soon as I confront him it will be over, no turning back. I don't trust him now and he won't trust me after learning I went through his phone.
Your words really hit home.
Quote:
You don't have to consider him in any of this. Remember. He didn't consider you. Do what's best for you.
He didn't consider me and despite my up bringing perhaps it is time I stop putting everyone else ahead of myself. I don't think I'm being jealous, he crossed the line. He did wrong, not me. I love him but if I made a list of pros and cons, he really doesn't treat me like a husband should treat his wife, at least not in my mind.
Maybe I'm in the minority but I never understood the 'don't snoop, you might see something you don't want to see'. So, if I have strong suspicions of cheating, I'm supposed to giver her the benefit of the doubt and not look? I'm not the type to get mad if a woman grabs my phone--nothing to hide.
Some people are just so dependent on being 'with' someone (i.e. 'not being alone') that they will willingly turn a blind eye to shady behavior, they will forgive and overlook, just to hold on to what has become a falsehood. I'm glad you looked in his phone, you had reason to. And if he has the nerve--the audacity--the unmitigated gall to get upset at you about it, that's just his own ignorance and guilt. He's looking out for himself at this point. By checking his phone you were looking after YOUR heart.
You're definitely not the bad guy here, stop feeling guilty. From what you've told us, you've done nothing wrong.
Your problem is with HIM not HER. He's the one you're married to. Don't contact her. You will look completely pathetic. If he truly loves YOU and is committed to your marriage, he should be able to pass by an army of 20 year olds throwing themselves at him.
I know, the letter to her was more a way of working this out for myself, I'd never send it b/c as you say it would make me seem pathetic. Give the power to her.
Quote:
I am curious if he is her boss or if they are just peers? If he outranks her at work maybe she feels harassed by a creepy old guy and is afraid for her job.
He is just her coworker
Quote:
Sorry any middle aged married guy is probably going to be turned on by a woman in her 20's if she's even remotely attractive. You can't control someone's mind.
Of course, it's human nature to notice attractive people. The problem is the texts, I feel he was fantasizing about her which if keep in one's head is normal. The problem is when he texted her about the shower he brought her in on his fantasies. I can only imagine what was said in the texts he deleted.
Quote:
Here's what I would do. Talk to him. Let him know that you love him and you feel like their relationship is not appropriate and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him if their relationship or texts have ever crossed the line? You already know the answer -- see if he lies. If he tells you the truth that is a good starting point to correct the situation.
If he lies about his behavior and is not honest -- then confront him with what you know. I'd have the texts printed off in advance with the inappropriate comments highlighted...LOL. Let him know if he wants to remain married to you that relationship better be all business all the time or you will leave him.
Good idea. If he was following several woman on Instagram I'd say he was just a pervy old man but since she is the only one I feel he's obsessed with her.
IM a practical person so this is my advice. Don't confront him. Yet. IMO. Its better to negotiate from a position of power. So get your **** together. Do what you need to do to get that better job. Put some cash away in a secure place. Get ready to go. If you do decide to stay then you will still have some extra cash and a better job.
While your doing this really think about if you should stay or go or just divorce him in your mind and stay in place for now. You don't have to consider him in any of this. Remember. He didn't consider you. Do what's best for you. Go to a counselor by yourself if you think it will help.
In the meantime step up your game. New hairstyle. Update your wardrobe and makeup. When you leave the house always look like you're steppin out. Right now he feels safe and secure. Time to give him something to think about.
I'm evil so I would tell him I was going to see a counselor. Then I would leave the house made up to the nines in my sexiest dress and heels. And showing major boobage. If he's busy worrying about what you're up to he wont have time for his side chick.
Edit to add. Save all his texts just in case.
By all means screw with his ego. It appears quite fragile and easily manipulated. I'd even leave a dating site open on the family pc or whatever, just for the psychological torture.
Thank you. I am also practical and that is what I've been doing - preparing myself to leave. Due to circumstances I know I can't leave now. But soon I will be in a position. I know as soon as I confront him it will be over, no turning back. I don't trust him now and he won't trust me after learning I went through his phone.
Your words really hit home.
He didn't consider me and despite my up bringing perhaps it is time I stop putting everyone else ahead of myself. I don't think I'm being jealous, he crossed the line. He did wrong, not me. I love him but if I made a list of pros and cons, he really doesn't treat me like a husband should treat his wife, at least not in my mind.
Why are you letting it get to this level? Try to work things out before leaving. Why can't you just confront him and make him feel terrible and then have him begging for you to come back?
If you do this the right way, you can reignite the spark in your relationship, but you need to act out of character and pin him against the wall.
Don't leave the man. Do you really think that's the best alternative? Try to work things out. That's the best plan for both of you, but work on improving yourself too.
If you do this the right way, you can reignite the spark in your relationship, but you need to act out of character and pin him against the wall.
So tell me what is the "right" way? I'd really like to know.
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! She is right most people are not all that special.... they are usually only special be we make them special to us. He does not deserve to be treated with respect or compassion after the way her treated her. She needs to put her needs first and get out.
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