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You've received enough comments on the hugging. No need for more.
My opinion, is that men that call a woman a "lovely young lady" are not romantically interested in the woman. That's a phrase one uses for one's friends' children or your cousin's kids.
That's exactly what I thought too. Not sure though... he's not THAT much older than me.
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Originally Posted by RbccL
Thanks for passing on what you "hear", that is the very definition of a fact, isn't it?
First rule of Fight Club....
The OP describes an office atmosphere, not police or postal worker, which is why I asked where this is occurring. IME, which is far different than what the OP is describing: My co-workers and I are closely monitored by the public and are occasionally on the news if improprieties are suspected. The people (in my state at least) area very conscious of how their tax dollars are spent, and expect more rules and regulations for the people 'they are paying'. State offices that also receive Federal funding are even more aware of what is proper and ethical. There are always computer based learning modules on ethics and policies, departments dedicated to policy making.
I.E.:We had a meeting at a local sports bar and that will never happen again, all those state plates parked outside of an establishment serving alcohol? "Were the tax payers paying for that?!" (No, alcohol is never purchased with tax dollars.) It's far different than corporate life where I remember taking part in extravagant holiday parties, free logo clothing, jackets, sweatshirts, luggage, lawn chairs, etc, and all expenses paid seminars at vacation destinations.
Directors get calls about a gov vehicles traveling over the speed limit, not using their turn signal (seriously) all now have tracking devices installed to make sure that doesn't ever happen...
Of course all rules are broken often as they are in the private sector, it's just that everything is about covering one's ass. Personal decisions are actually asked to be prefaced with: "Would you feel ok about yourself if this were on tv?" Hugging one's 'bosses boss' has implications of trying to get ahead by being a brown-noser. The one instigating constant hugging of a female in a lower position? More than one would address that immediately.
There is no boss, or bosses boss though, everyone has a title and department, which is why I was skeptical and questioned what kind of 'agency' this was.
The guy in question is the chief over my supervisor's department - so yes, that's why I said bosses' boss. Not sure why the skepticism, but my limited experience in working for this agency is definitely not like yours. There's always a lot of politics involved from the higher ups, but the rules/policies doesn't seem THAT stringent as I've seen a lot of people breaking them and not getting reprimanded. (ie the no clocking in/out system has a lot of people abusing it.)
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Originally Posted by Rbbi1
I'm new to this section of city-date but this topic caught my eye because I've seen a lot of this, and have friends who've experienced this sort of thing, also. As a former professional who worked for a company that received both State and Federal monies, my advice, stay clear of him unless he's no longer your superior, if not with a different agency altogether. It never ends well for the woman in any circumstance I ever saw or heard about, particularly if she's the "underling".
If there is interest in him, you might tell him if the subject in any way comes up, that you would be interested in a dating relationship IF ever a time comes you're not working for the same agency. That way, if he's really interested and it sounds like he is, he'll keep that in mind and maybe accept that next transfer or new job that comes his way, you never know.
But women always have to be above reproach in the workplace, because like it or not, it's still a man's world and they make the rules (sometimes as they go along). One jealous woman co-worker or jealous ex-boyfriend in there can make you the one wanting the transfer or the new job, in a heart beat. Good luck...
That would be getting ahead of myself! It seems like he likes me, but who knows? Maybe he's just harmlessly flirting, but again, I don't see him doing it to other women. I should probably check the dating policy like someone else mentioned... but even if there's a green light, I probably wouldn't do it anyway unless it could be kept a secret from everyone - maybe? But nasty rumors spread very quickly around here... I don't exactly have thick skin either
Serious question here OP but what are YOU going to do to see if he does indeed like you romantically or not i.e. see if there is anything worth pursuing?
Too many implications for favoritism when having this kind of relationship with a superior. If they're already watching, then coworkers will definitely raise the possibility to HR when you get your next promotion. They'll suggest your success is only because you let the higher up hug you, and touch you at work and call you his girlfriend...especially if you're attractive.
If you find out he's not your type and try to back out, what if you get passed over for better assignments and they go to someone with less qualifications? Wont you wonder if it's because you don't like the PDA any more?
I'd suggest steering clear.
Where do you draw the line? No dating people from work, period, or just the people in the same department? I can only see this working out if we both keep quiet about it at work.
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Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
Agreed completely
That's the problem though every time it seems he speaks to her she " always cuts the convos short " because she's worried of how it looks and office chit chat etc.
Yet ironically that's the very best way to see what his intentions are..... So it seems a catch 22 situation for her.
The people here are very nosy and would take any opportunity to stab one another in the back.
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Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Ironic, indeed.
What always worked for me, OP, is to ask a personal question when you're having those in-office convos. "Got any plans this weekend?" "Who's this in the photo?" "Oh, you went to (fill in the blank) University (if he has a diploma hanging)," etc.
Give him openings to "take it outside." He either will or he won't.
You're no fun.
I think at this point, he has yet to take the conversation further because I'm showing zero indication that I'm interested. I let him hug me, but only because I like it But beyond that, I always steer clear as much as possible.
The guy in question is the chief over my supervisor's department - so yes, that's why I said bosses' boss. Not sure why the skepticism, but my limited experience in working for this agency is definitely not like yours.
Agreed, I wouldn't be wondering if it's ok. If I was new, I would have asked someone who's there with me, or looked it up.
Have you made friends with any of your other co-workers?
Yucky no-no! No hugging the ladies at work! Apparently we're much colder up north.
I'm trying to think of any time I've been hugged at work. I think it was at a coworker's retirement party, and the hug was from the 67-year-old lady who was retiring.
Boss's boss? Nooope. Disengage. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
I'm trying to think of any time I've been hugged at work. I think it was at a coworker's retirement party, and the hug was from the 67-year-old lady who was retiring.
Boss's boss? Nooope. Disengage. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
As a " construction dude " that only works with blokes I'm absolutely delighted to say I've not had too many come up and hug me!
Agreed, I wouldn't be wondering if it's ok. If I was new, I would have asked someone who's there with me, or looked it up.
Have you made friends with any of your other co-workers?
They're all considerably older than I am, so it's kind of hard - the youngest is this lady in her early 30's. I've gotten close to a few because of the same sense of humor and whatnot, but I don't consider them people I would hang out with outside of work. I've gotten hit on by some men who were much older and they aren't shy about it... makes me pretty uncomfortable. Many of them are veterans, so I assume it's the no bs kind of attitude. I haven't been interested in anyone at work besides the guy I'm talking about in this thread and it's mainly because of his charismatic personality.
Ok, what kinds of things are they doing that they should get 'executed' for, and why would you want your taxes to pay for that? I assume you must take steps to address these shenanigans?
Okay. Fair enough.
I visited my government client in late September a couple of years ago. When I pulled into the parking lot, there was a Best Buy truck park outside, busily unloading big screen televisions. I'm talking dozens of them. I walk into the building, check through security, and walk down halls lined with big-screen TV boxes.
I go into my meeting and, in the small talk that took place afterwards, I asked what the deal was with all the expensive electronics lying around the building.
"Well, we couldn't spend all our budget, so we went to Best Buy and bought everything we could to make sure we spent it all." Mind you, this after I had developed a program that saved them hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a fiscal year. Basically they took all those savings and just threw it away. Pretty demoralizing if you ask me.
I've seen purchasing offers steer business to contractors charging much more to perform substandard work, simply because the decision maker went to church with the vendor. I've dealt with government clients who literally asked me to hire daughters and sons or they'd yank their business. I've been in agencies where the sexual antics were just rife. I've seen just astonishing waste, politics, and a host of just Alice-in-Wonderland decisions that wouldn't have flown for a nanosecond in the private sector.
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